Chapter 78
Jamie
I lie on the bed with my head on his chest. His gentle hand strokes my hair, and I finally stop shaking. For now, I feel safe enough not to hide in the closet.
“It’s not true that I don’t know love,” I say quietly. “I know only one — the love of a sister for her brother.”
His hand suddenly stops.
“Riley,” I whisper, my throat tight, my heart aching. “She is my life. Not just in words. She’s everything to me.”
His hand moves again, gently caressing my shoulder and arm, soft and comforting, magical as ever.
“I owe her everything.”
“Did she raise you?”
“She saved me.”
“What do you mean?”
“She saved me from our father.”
This time, his hand keeps moving, but his touch feels less certain.
“He was a violent man.”
I feel his breath catch, and his heartbeat is so loud it almost drowns out mine.
“He was furious with me. I wasn’t… I wasn’t the son he wanted. I was never like him, not even as a child. I was always just me.”
“You are simply stupendous,” he says, placing a kiss in my hair.
“I wasn’t like I am now. I didn’t have these muscles,” I say with a bitter laugh.
“I didn’t have strength or courage. I was confused and scared, so he tried to shape me into what he wanted me to be.
But it never worked.” I lift my head to meet his gaze.
“We were scared. We hid, locked ourselves in our rooms. I helped Riley push the dresser against the door, but he was stronger than us. Riley would always step in to protect me, and I let her.”
“You were just a kid, and she was your sister, only trying to protect you.”
“I let her do it because I was too afraid.”
His hand comes up to my face, his touch so tender I almost melt into tears again.
“Sometimes we would hide in the wardrobe. Riley always told me to hide and be quiet if I was home alone with him. Don’t cry. Don’t make a sound. Don’t even breathe.”
“Oh Christ…”
“His voice is still seared into my memory. Her screams, her shame, her agony… all echo inside me. And Riley — she was so fearless.”
“Your sister is an extraordinary woman.”
“She was everything to me — a mother, a father, a sister, and a friend. She told me stories about the life I could have, the dreams I might one day fulfil, and how I should always be myself and never let anyone make me feel wrong for it. She promised that one day, everything would be okay.”
“And then what? What happened?”
“I liked a boy in the neighbourhood, and he liked me. Believing I could be myself, I took his hand in the street one day. My father saw me.” His arm tightens around my shoulder.
“God, Martin. The fury he came at me with… I had humiliated him in public, you know? I’d made him the laughing stock of the neighbourhood.
I still remember the pain from his punches and kicks.
” I pause before continuing. “But my sister would never let him kill me. She stepped in, taking the insults and beatings meant for me. She took his anger, and he beat her so badly that he threw her down the stairs. She looked dead.”
Martin sits up and pulls me into a tight hold.
“I stayed hidden, just like she screamed at me to do. I let him try to kill her, frozen, helpless, a coward.”
“No, love, you were a kid. You were scared. You were terrified.”
“He ran away. The neighbours called an ambulance and… she was in a coma for three days. They had to remove her spleen.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“Then the social workers came. She was not yet eighteen, and I was underage, and they took me away. They took from me the only family I had.”
I feel Martin’s tears running down my neck.
“She had no one, and I was in foster care. When she was discharged, she ended up on the street. Nobody helped her or reached out. They separated us and abandoned us. My sister was left without a home, dignity, or food, alone and always in danger, all because of me.”
“Jesus, no, Jamie. You can’t mean that.”
“I was in three different foster homes. I clung to the walls, crawled to avoid being noticed, and hid in toilets or closets. I was terrified, even if another kid met my gaze. I was afraid of everything.”
“Of course, sweetheart, that’s understandable — after all that you’ve been through…”
“It took almost two years for my sister to get me back. But by then, her life was ruined. She didn’t finish school, had no friends, and no one to rely on.
When we moved back in together, she was already so broken.
She didn’t sleep, didn’t eat, barely spoke.
She was like a ghost, and it was all because of me.
She was broken, Martin, and I was part of the reason.
I didn’t know how to help her, so I decided I had to leave that useless kid behind and become someone new. ”
“What do you mean?”
“I tried to make her proud in every way. I worked hard in school, did all the therapy she wanted, and threw myself into rugby to get stronger, invincible. I became Jamie Murray, the Captain. It was the only way I knew to prove to Riley that her efforts and sacrifices weren’t wasted.”
“You’re saying Jamie Murray doesn’t exist?”
“There’s nothing of me in him.”
“I don’t understand.”
“You… you were the only one who ever saw the real Jamie. With you, I couldn’t pretend.”