CHAPTER 30 BOWER #2
“Because I know that out of the two of them, he’s the one I should be with.
Bennett is technically off-limits. And I know that if I were to fully go all in on Bennett, that I’m risking so much—a friendship that means the most to me—and then what if things don’t work out?
What if I hurt him? That’s two people I lose, two people I need in my life.
” Cougar is the safe option. “Cougar has grown on me. He’s the one I know my brain is telling me to go with for now. ”
“But your heart is telling you otherwise,” she says gently. And that does me in. Tears spring to my eyes.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” I grab a napkin and dab at my eyes. “You just met me and here I am, spilling my woes and crying in front of you. Not the kind of delivery you were expecting, huh?”
“I’m actually glad Bennett asked me to deliver the cookies, because I’m always looking for new friends. I moved here recently as well, so it’s great to meet new people.”
“You did?” I ask, still dabbing at my eyes.
“Yeah, I was living in Peru for a while, researching the flamingos, but the grant ran out, and well, I had to come back. I got a job at the San Francisco Zoo, and that’s where I met Graydon.
It all worked out and I wouldn’t trade it for anything, but I know what it means to have people to talk to when you’re going through something. ”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
“How about this? We exchange phone numbers and maybe we can meet up for coffee or something.” She gestures to all my paperwork on the table. “It seems like you’re doing a lot and you might need a friend to be there for you.”
“I do.” I nod, more tears springing to my eyes.
She smiles and then gets out of her chair and comes over to me, offering me a hug. “It will work out. I’m sure you’ll figure out a way to make the most of your feelings and what you’re going through.”
“Thank you,” I say just as she releases me. “If you were me, what would you do?”
“That’s a tough question, because I don’t know the extent of your relationship with your friend. Do you really think she’d be mad at you, or do you think that’s something you’ve developed in your mind? And I don’t want that to sound offensive. I just know how I can get sometimes.”
“No, I know what you mean. And it’s not something I’ve developed in my head. She outright told me he was off-limits.”
“Oh, I see.” Maple glances to the side. “That is quite a situation, and I can understand why Cougar seems like the simple option.”
“It’s the option where people get hurt the least.”
“Besides Bennett,” Maple points out and it feels like a gut punch, because she’s right. He’s the one who would get hurt in the scenario where I stop involving myself with him. But maybe…maybe he’d thank me in the long run.
“I think he’d recover,” I say, not really believing the words that are coming out of my mouth. “He’s young. He has plenty of options. I might be the one he wants now, but I might not be the one that turns out to be his forever, and that’s okay.”
That sentence, it feels bitter on my tongue, like it doesn’t belong there, like I’m allergic to such a thought.
“Well, either way, if you need someone to talk to about it all or just to hang out, or if you ever want to feed the flamingos, I’m your girl.”
“Thank you, Maple. I’m so glad Bennett asked you to deliver cookies to me.”
She smiles softly. “Me too.”
“Surprise!”
I nearly fall down the stairs of my apartment building when I see Gabby waiting outside.
“Oh my God, Gabby, what…what are you doing here?”
“Ryland’s sisters had to come here for a meeting about expanding their store into a possible little pop-up that involved meeting with Hattie’s best friend’s husband, and well, you get it, they had to come here and I begged to catch a ride. I’m here for a few hours. Want to grab lunch?”
“Uh, yeah,” I say, still shocked as she screeches and comes up to me, pulling me into a hug. Fear washes through me, because the last time I saw her, I hadn’t touched her brother the way I have now and I feel like she can see it all over my face.
When she pulls away, she asks, “Where do you want to go? We can either find a place or we can eat in and just hang out at your apartment.”
Fuck, is there anything in my apartment that would make her think I went down on her brother and sucked him until he came in my mouth?
I can’t remember, therefore, I don’t want to risk it.
“There’s actually a great sandwich shop around the corner that I’d love to take you to.”
“Sounds perfect.” She loops her arm through mine and says, “Lead the way.”
Trying to calm myself and remain as cool as possible, I make our way down the street and to the right while she clings on to me.
I should feel excited, thrilled that my best friend is here, but instead, it’s like a giant elephant is crushing my chest, making it nearly impossible to breathe, because I broke her trust. I’m deceiving her and that…
that fucking hurts. And seeing her in person, it just brings the truth of it all to the forefront.
No more hiding.
Now I just have to lie to her face.