Chapter 15
It had to be her.
Katherine.
Looking down through the arrow slit window at the top of the tower, Siaspar saw a woman walking on the road leading to the castle gate, alone, her pace determined, her head held high.
Her clothes were not the ones Katherine had worn that morning but, of course, if she had walked here she could well have changed out of the impractical velvet dress. Yes. It could be her.
He wanted it to be her.
She stopped in front of the portcullis, which had been lowered, as per usual.
Damn Lady Malpas’ brother for keeping his castle locked at all times.
Why was he doing that? It was not as if he lived in a country threatened by invaders and needed its protection.
The woman spoke to the guard, he imagined, requesting entry.
After a while she lifted her head to the tower and started to worry the cuff of her dress.
Siaspar’s heart gave a jolt because he would have recognized that gesture anywhere.
He flew down the staircase, cursing himself for not having trusted his instinct and immediately rushed out to her.
It was her, his Catrin!
She had come for him. He had not dared hope she would come so quickly but he should have trusted her, trusted in what they felt for one another. It was something rare, worth fighting for. And his little vixen had just proved that she was equal to the task.
Siaspar tore across the courtyard and ran to the barbican but no one was waiting for him outside the portcullis.
“Where did she go?” he barked at the man positioned by the entrance.
“Who? The beggar?”
“That was no beggar, you fool. Did she ask for me?”
“Why, yes, my lord, but I—”
The man sounded utterly mortified, and so should he be. Siaspar could well imagine he had sent Katherine away none too gently if he had taken her for a beggar. The guard would pay for that, but later. For now, there was no time to waste.
He had to go to the woman he loved.
“Did she take the south road?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what are you waiting for, man, open the dammed gate!”
Never had the lifting of a portcullis taken so long.
Siaspar muttered Welsh curses under his breath all the while.
As soon as he could slide underneath, he hurried after Katherine, confident that he would soon catch up with her.
Her small strides were no match for those of a determined man.
And he was determined to get back to her and never let her go again.
He ran.
“Katherine!”
Katherine stopped in her tracks. For a moment, she’d thought she’d heard Siaspar’s voice calling her, but what would he be doing here? He had abandoned her without a word. She shook her head and carried on.
A moment later, she heard footsteps behind her, heading her way. A man, judging from the heavy pounding. This time she knew she had not imagined it. She froze in panic. Who was running after her? An attacker? The guard at the gate, intent on having her despite her refusal? Or…
Dare she hope it was a Welshman she had thought never to see again?
“Katherine.”
The voice, so near to her, was soft. Familiar. Comforting. Painful.
She closed her eyes as pain slashed through her. Not until that moment had she realized how much his defection had hurt her. There had been no time to think; she’d had to act. But now she could not help but feel how deeply she had been wounded.
“What do you want?” she asked without turning around. Seeing him right now would be too hard. The wound was too raw.
“Why did you come to find me?” Siaspar asked instead of answering her.
“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully. She was no closer to knowing what she wanted to tell him than she had been a moment ago. “Only I… I could not leave things like this between us.”
“Why not?”
Why not?
Katherine gave a snort of incredulity. Was he really asking her why she thought that what they had gone through together deserved more than a cold, impersonal ending?
How could he even think something like that, never mind say it?
Where was the sensitive man she had thought him to be?
It seemed that her mother had been right, after all.
She was nothing but a na?ve servant, and he was a lord.
He could dismiss or hire her at will, and think nothing of it, however unusual the situation between them had been.
Well, if he wanted to know why she had gone to him, she would tell him, make him see how humiliating his behavior had been, and how it had made her feel. Why not? It would not make her feel worse.
“In my world, if a man beds a woman and then gives her the impression that he cares about her, then she can expect at least a goodbye when they part ways.” Her tone was flat, her explanation more feeble than she would have liked.
But she was too disappointed, too crushed to feel any anger.
She just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
“I expect I came to find you because I needed to have that goodbye.”
More the fool she.
Siaspar took the last steps between them and placed his hands on her shoulders. So warm, so gentle… What was he doing? Why was he even here if he cared nothing for her? He had been running, she had heard it. What had been the urgency?
“I’m afraid I am not very familiar with your world. Tell me, please. In your world, what is a man supposed to do if he deflowers a maid?”
Katherine fought very hard not to let the silky voice or the warm body against her back overpower her. She had to fight the urge to lean back against him and close her eyes. This was to be the last time they met and she did not know how to bear to pain that notion gave her.
“He is supposed to marry her. It is the only honorable thing to do.”
“Yes. But what if he is already married?”
“In this case, he should never have gone to her.” She swallowed, not sure she had the courage to carry on. Then she understood that she had nothing to lose, so she did. “But if he had gone to her, for whatever reason, then there is nothing to be done. The girl will have to bear the shame alone.”
Especially if the man is so far above her that there is nothing she can expect from him.
“And if the man wasn’t married, how would he go about arranging a wedding between them?”
What sort of a question was that? Why was he torturing her so?
Katherine had to put an end to the conversation now.
She shrugged his hands away from her shoulders and took a few steps forward.
She knew she should never have had the temerity to do something like this but she cared not.
If Siaspar took offense at her behavior she would be no worse off.
“If a man wants to marry a woman, then he usually goes to see her father, asks for her hand.”
Walter might do that very same thing before the end of the week. And her parents, she suspected, would agree all too readily, thinking this was the best, if not the only way, to protect her reputation. She had no doubt her mother had told her father all they had discussed by now.
“Mmm, yes, that’s what I thought,” Siaspar sounded pensive. “Maybe your world and mine are not so different after all. Your father, at least, seemed to approve of my asking.”
Katherine froze. Then, unable to believe what she had just heard, she swiveled around.
Siaspar was there, tall and forbidding, piercing her with the intensity of his stare.
“You…” she started. “My father… He what?”
“I asked your father if he would allow me to court you.”
This didn’t make any sense. “But… But…”
“But I’m married. Yes. Don’t I know it,” he agreed through gritted teeth.
Katherine blinked. This was not the objection she had been about to raise. She’d been wondering why her father had not told her any of this. It was not as if it were not important.
“But wait. I need to understand. Are you saying that you asked my father permission to… court me?”
“Yes. I suppose I did. Or rather I asked him if I could do so once I was free of my wife. That’s why I did not tell you of my intentions straight away.
” With a sigh, he ran a hand through his hair.
“It was perhaps a mistake, I see that now, but I wanted to be free before I did anything, so that you felt you could accept my suit.”
Free.
Somehow he intended to rid himself of his wife? Katherine blinked again. This was going too fast and barely made sense. She had to take it one step at a time.
“And what did my father say?”
Siaspar let out one of the chuckles she loved. “Your father is a man after my own heart. He said that, lord or not, he would never force his daughter to marry a man she did not want. So he left the decision with you. If you wanted me, you were to let me know yourself. Didn’t he tell you?”
“No!” Katherine cried out, remembering the awful moment her father had announced that Siaspar had gone without a word. How could he have done such a thing? “He just said you had dismissed me from my position.”
“Why, yes. I cannot bear to see you subjected to Lady Malpas’ whims any longer and I will admit that I thought you would be relieved to hear it.”
Relieved? Yes, she was relieved but shocked all the same. This was the most unlikely situation she had ever been in—and this included finding herself in Lady Malpas’ bed on her wedding night.
“I don’t understand,” she repeated.
“Are you saying that your father has not told you anything of our conversation?” Siaspar was now frowning. There was no doubting his sincerity. He was as nonplussed as she was. And no wonder. “I thought that was why you had come to the castle?”
Katherine let out a cry of frustration. “No. He just said you had dismissed me and left with the horses. Oh, how cruel of him to allow me to believe you had gone just like that… I thought…”