Chapter 15 #2
Suddenly Katherine remembered the way her father had looked at her when he had encouraged her to “do what she had to do.” She understood now that he had wanted her to fight for the man she wanted, to be brave enough to go after him if the alternative was losing him.
He had forced her to make the choice she had not been able to make.
A smile came to tease her lips. She had been right that day, looking at the sea. She could make her own destiny, after all. She had already started, by running to Siaspar as soon as she could, despite the odds stacked against them.
“Don’t be too angry at him,” Siaspar murmured, coming a step closer. “I think he wanted you to be sure of what you wanted. It was wise, because unfortunately, this is not going to be easy. I’m still—”
“I do know what I want,” she cut in. She wanted him. How could he doubt it? “I rushed out of the cottage as soon as he told me you were gone.”
“You rushed out? Does that mean I am allowed to hope?”
That he should be the one worried about what she thought tore at her heart. Only a moment ago, it had been her, worrying it was all over.
“You can hope,” she whispered, too moved to say more.
Siaspar took her hands in his, looking as overwhelmed as she felt. “Katherine Robertson, will you allow me to court you once I am free from my accursed wife?”
So he did know her name. How? And he was only asking for a chance to woo her, to court her like a suitor, rather than ask or even demand that she marry him… It was too good to be true.
“Yes, of course, I will.”
And she already knew where that courting would lead.
“God, I did everything the wrong way round, didn’t I?
” he said with a small, deprecative laugh.
“I bedded you before I even met you, I distrusted you before giving you chance to explain yourself, I talked to your father before I even told you what I felt for you. I would understand if you had no time for me.”
“I wouldn’t. Because you did everything the only way you could.”
“Katherine. There is no one else like you.”
With those words, he drew her into his arms. Katherine molded herself against him, feeling she was finally where she belonged.
“But you’re a lord,” she said, her mouth against his chest. This was still an unavoidable fact. “How can you want—”
“I’m a brewer’s grandson before anything else, and I have never wanted anything more in all my life.”
“Can it be true?”
“So true that I’m going to kiss you.”
Finally, after two nights in his arms, after weeks obsessing about it, after all the doubt and pain she had gone through that day, Katherine tasted Siaspar’s lips.
She had imagined that moment a hundred times and yet the reality still managed to surprise her.
Everything was good, everything felt right.
His taste was sweet, his tongue wicked, his embrace loving.
This kiss could only have ever been a kiss from Siaspar and she never wanted it to stop.
To add to her delight, he seemed as keen to kiss her as she was to kiss him. He had drawn her against him, supporting her waist with a strong arm and was cradling the back of her neck with careful fingers. This was not her first kiss, but it was what a first kiss should feel like.
Knowing that Siaspar loved her as much as she loved him, that he desired her, made this moment the most exquisite of her life.
His lips, surprisingly soft, left hers and started a decadent exploration.
They followed a path along her jaw before nipping at her earlobe, caressed the side of her neck before brushing against her cheek, teased her bottom lip before finally coming back to worship her mouth.
Every time he kissed her somewhere new, a tiny spark lit up in her loins.
Did every couple feel this way the first time they kissed or was this something only she and Siaspar could experience?
She did not care, as long as she got to experience it.
Soon, too soon, he drew away.
“Catrin.” Oh, she loved how he used that name. It was as if he was giving her a new identity, making her his. “Fy Catrin.”
Yes, she was his Catrin. In that moment, she felt new, reborn—and in love for the first time, even if she could not have pinpointed the exact moment she had fallen.
It could have been the day he had told her she reminded him of a dragonfly.
Or when she had run to him to stop the blood from flowing from his wrist. It had seemed as if her own life had depended on saving him.
She could even have fallen in love with him as early as on that second night together, when he had kissed her temple.
It did not matter anyway. What mattered was that she had finally come to see it and that, against all odds, Siaspar loved her back.
She tried to imagine her family’s reaction when they arrived together to announce their marriage.
Her siblings would be bewildered, her father would be quietly satisfied, her mother incredulous—and probably somewhat sheepish at her lack of faith in her son-in-law’s feelings.
None of them, however, would bemoan the fact that he was Welsh, or congratulate themselves on the fact they would never starve again. They would simply feel happy that she was allowed to marry the man she loved, formidable though he might be.
And love Siaspar she did.
“Rwy’n dy garu di,” she murmured, speaking with her mouth at his throat. She should have looked him in the eye while she spoke but she lacked the courage.
“Oh. Catrin. I love you too,” Siaspar said in a low growl, tightening his hold on her. “And you saying it in Welsh only makes me love you more. Say it again, sweetheart. It’s wonderful to hear you say it.”
“In my stumbling pronunciation you mean?”
“No. Wonderful because I have yearned to hear it for weeks.”
Weeks! Oh, how much time they had wasted!
“Well, I love you. I fear you will hear it more often than you care for in the days to come.”
“I’m not afraid. There is nothing I’d like to hear more. And I hope you mean years, not days.”
He brought his mouth to her ear and murmured something in a deep, sultry voice that sent shivers of delight all the way down her spine. Never had anything sounded so arousing.
“What does that mean? Master Owain never told me anything like this.”
“God, I hope not.” Siaspar gave a grunt. “Or I would have to take issue with him. It means, ‘I want you. I can’t wait to have you in my arms and make love to you properly, watch you come undone under my caresses and swallow your moans of pleasure’.”
Katherine laughed breathlessly, imagining the old, dignified Welsh tutor telling her such intimate things. It would never have sounded so enticing.
“I see. Indeed, I’m glad he never told me that.”
Siaspar gave a chuckle, remembering how Katherine and the tutor had often ridden alongside one another during the journey to Allerby Castle. He had guessed that she was furthering her knowledge of his language, but he had not suspected the kind of vocabulary she was learning.
Learning how to say I love you.
“Master Owain would be amazed to see what his Welsh lessons are being used for,” he said, brushing a finger along her cheek.
“Declaring my love to you, my master, you mean? Yes, I guess he would.” She reddened, the color delicious on her. “I… I think he must have assumed I had found myself a Welsh lover and wanted to declare myself to him.”
“And did you?”
“No. Once I got to know you, the other men lost their appeal.”
He stroked her bottom lip slowly. “It’s a wonder no one tried to seduce this beautiful foreigner.” Were the people at Castell y Ddraig mad or blind, or both?
“I don’t think it is very odd.” She sounded breathless after his caress. “The English are not exactly popular amongst your countrymen, you know.”
“I do know it, that is one of the reasons I tried to resist the attraction I felt for you at first.”
Yes, one of the reasons but not the main one.
His first impression of the little scullion had been that she was in league with Lady Malpas.
That had been a hard obstacle to overcome but he had done it.
Then there had been his guilt at his treatment of her, their differences in status, the fact that they could not be together in any honorable way.
The list of reasons why he should never have allowed his feelings for her to bloom was endless but, in spite of all that, she had been brave enough not to allow anything to stand in her way.
It was a miracle he was not sure he deserved.
“What changed your mind? Why did you stop resisting the attraction?”
Siaspar loved how shy she sounded because he knew she was anything but.
Under her sweet exterior, this woman was made of steel.
Which was good, because she would need to be, to face the battle ahead.
Ridding himself from Lady Malpas would require a lot of effort, and was not even guaranteed.
But now that he was assured of his Catrin’s support, he felt ready.
“I was only fooling myself and one day realized that the truth could not be denied any longer.” It had really been as simple as that.
“But at first I thought it was hopeless. Surely you would not feel too well disposed toward the man who took your maidenhead and treated you so appallingly, even accusing you of being in league with Lady Malpas.”
“I was angry that you would not believe me,” she admitted. “But how could it have been any different? How could you not have been suspicious of a woman you didn’t know who had, albeit reluctantly, played a part in her plans?”
“I should have known something was amiss from the way she spoke to you the day I overheard your conversation.” He shook his head.
That he could not have guessed the depth of his wife’s duplicity was no excuse.
He should have seen that something was very wrong.
“And, even more so, from the way you answered.”