Chapter 2
Victor
Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun plays on the portable Bluetooth speaker as loud as I can get it, while the smell of grease and gasoline attempts to calm my racing thoughts.
I tug down the hem of my black t-shirt over the waist of my dark denim before rolling back under my El Camino.
Scooting along the cement garage floor, I re-focus on figuring out where to start on this thing.
Maybe I should just give up on restoring it and junk it.
Fuck. I don’t know, I can’t think straight after the encounter with Gabbi this morning. I don’t have words to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s almost like nothing, like I’m numb but feel painfully empty. What am I doing?
As I stare up at the grimy undercarriage of my high school vehicle, I realize I’ve never felt more lost in my life.
The music stops, interrupted by an incoming call. Rolling out from under the car, I reach over to the red toolbox and grab my phone off the metal surface. The screen lights up with Big Dawg, and I chuckle while answering, “What’s up, Big Dawg?”
“Kid! What’s up, fucker? How’s retirement treating you?
” Tyson’s booming voice comes over the speaker phone, sounding almost jovial.
A small smile breaks across my face at his use of my nickname.
Ty’s called me Kid since high school, and it just kind of followed me into the Army.
My smile almost immediately falls, though.
I don’t know how he sounds so damn happy. He only retired a year before I did.
“Hey, brother. It’s alright.” Damn, could I sound more depressed?
Silence. “You alright, Kid? You don’t sound so great. Talk to me, man.”
I walk over to the side of the garage and slide down the wall, landing my ass on the cold cement floor, elbows resting on my knees, and head in my hands.
“Truth, man? I’m not alright. I’m fucking lost. I don’t even know what day it is; they all bleed together.
This morning, I asked Gabbi what she was doing today.
You should have seen the look she gave me.
Like I was a fucking idiot because I didn’t know it was Tuesday.
” I let out a sigh. “I don’t know, man.”
“So, I guess things with you and Gabbi are still rough?”
“Rough?” A cynical laugh slips out, but I catch myself before sounding crazed. “You remember that deployment to Central America in 2011?”
“Mmhmm.” Ty hums inquisitively.
“You remember the shit show that happened when we were trying to covertly get out without completely imploding the country’s relationship with the U.S. while keeping everyone alive?”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’d rather be there than in the same room as my wife right now,” I admit, dropping my head back against the tan-painted sheetrock.
“brOOOOO…..wow.” He breathily draws out, “I hope no one’s in the house to hear you say that. That’s fucking…rough. What are you gonna do? Didn’t she give you like six months after retirement to rekindle or whatever?”
When Gabbi and I sat down to discuss my retirement a year ago, we discussed how off track our marriage had gotten, and I asked her to just give it time after retirement.
“Yeah, man, six months is up in three weeks. I don’t think we’re gonna make it.
” A quiet, sad chuckle falls from my lips, “We’ve been together since we were 15 years old, minus the couple of years we separated before we got married, but still.
We’ve essentially been together for 24 years, and it looks like that’s going to be the final count for us.
I am not even sure I want to keep trying.
I mean, we don’t even fight anymore, Ty. ”
Ty clears his throat after the respectful silence turns uncomfortable.
“Okay. So. Now that we have had our therapy session.” I smile at his lightheartedness.
“I wanted to let you know, I took you up on looking into that house for sale in your neighborhood.” My eyes snap open, and I lift my head, staring at the phone.
He continues, “Emma and I will be moving in in two weeks. We’ve gotta get Trip out of the city and somewhere where he can finish high school without getting arrested.
Plus, I mean, we lived next to you guys for like ten years on base.
Emma says she feels like half of a family without you all. ”
“Aww, you miss me, Big Dawg?” I tease.
“Shut the fuck up, dude. I’ll text you later.” Ty ends the call, and a tiny ember of hope lights up in my chest. Maybe this will help. Maybe Gabbi and I still have a chance.