Twenty-Four
N early seven months have elapsed since Draven stole me from my home. Seven months, and somehow it feels like a lifetime. I blame it on the fear I’ve felt nearly every day since arriving here. It’s the kind of thing that makes time drag on, makes it seem like decades instead of days. So seven months, seven lifetimes, it makes little difference.
I’m getting married tomorrow.
The rehearsal dinner was a blur that I wish never happened, but even that will pale in comparison to tomorrow. Ephraim and Verna spared no expense. We’re getting married in the church of a god I don’t believe in — a cathedral, really — with more guests than an awards show and a reception they’ve invited paparazzi to.
He wants the world to know how much power he has, even beyond Saint City. He wants Alex to know he’s still in control, and he wants me to know I’ll never get away with anything.
The joke is on him, though. Even now, Draven is on his way. He promised. He only caught me alone for a second tonight, but it was long enough for him to whisper, “Wait for me?” in my ear.
Yes. Maybe for the last time, I will wait for him.
By the time I hear the door, the sun has long since set and I’m curled up in a ball under my blankets. I don’t want to do this. I’m not sure I want to face him right now either, yet as he climbs in behind me and pulls me close, I feel myself exhale.
It’ll be alright.
“I’m here, little keeper. Let me carry the weight for a while.”
I don’t want anyone to carry the weight. I want to vanish, to disappear from this bed and end up somewhere far across the sea where Ephraim and his goons would never go. I’d be weightless there, other than the growing baby inside me. They’d be safe, I’d be safe, he’d be safe.
“I don’t want to do this,” I admit quietly, like it’s some secret I’ve been keeping close to my chest. Like it’s something no one knows, when in reality, I’ve been a terrible actress. I can’t smile when I’m supposed to, I can’t fake happiness the way I used to fake orgasms. It’s not a secret at all.
“I know,” he whispers. “And I’m sorry for failing you here, Sullivan. I should have found a way out of it for you, and I hope you can forgive me for this one day. But it is temporary, sweetheart. I swear on everything I will find you a way out of this that secures your safety. I hate this. But I will die before I let anything hurt you or our baby.”
And that’s it, really. The reason for my discontent. It’s not about Alex or my responsibilities, it’s about everything I’m giving up or putting on pause because of it.
“I always knew one day I’d have to marry someone I didn’t love,” I say quietly, rolling over to face him with blurry eyes. “It was sort of in the job description. I just... never expected to have to do it while I was in love with somebody else.”
I watch him gulp down my words and blink at me like he’s in shock, but I can see what that admission does for him. “You’re in love with me?”
All I can do is nod, splaying my fingers across his cheek. “For a while now, yeah. I wasn’t ever going to tell you.”
The side of his mouth tilts up. “You were going to keep a secret from me?”
“I thought it would be easier.”
Nodding, I see understanding in his blues. “I’m in love with you too, baby mama. I fall in love with you all over again every single morning.”
It just makes it worse. I could handle it if he didn’t love me. If this was just duty for him too, saving his brother or trying to please his father, being nice to me because I’m carrying his child, I could’ve convinced myself to put on a good show. I could’ve made it.
But knowing that four people will be heartbroken tomorrow? Alex, Morella, Draven and me? I’m not sure I’ll be able to go through with it.
And I have to go through with it.
“Take it back,” I whisper. “Please.”
His eyes close as if he’s in pain. “I wish I could.” Somehow I believe him. “I wish I could make this easier on you and take it back. I wish I could take everything off of your shoulders, but I can’t. All I can do is promise you I won’t say it again until we’re free of this.”
Clearly, I don’t know what I want, because that sounds terrible too. Going months, maybe years without hearing it or saying it with any kind of truth will be torture. “No. Fuck that. Even if it’s just in stolen moments, we need to remember what we’re fighting for. If we stop saying it, if we’re not allowed to show it, how will we ever make sure it won’t die?”
Draven grips my hand and places it over his chest so I can feel the steady beat of his heart. It’s faster than it usually is, proving to me he has just as much anxiety as I do. “You feel that?” I nod. “As long as you can feel that, you’ll never have to worry about our love dying. You’re it for me, woman.“
It should be him tomorrow. It might be the cruelest thing that’s ever happened to me that it won’t, but here we are.
“Just remember that. Things have been easy so far, but they won’t be after tomorrow.”
“I’ve faked a lot of shit in my life, but I don’t know how I’m going to pretend tomorrow. Fuck, I’m going to want to kill everyone there.”
His fingers curl to hold me tightly, and I know if we don’t do something to distract ourselves, we’ll end up running away. I kiss him slowly, deeply, speeding up as I slip my hand down his chest to his cock and squeeze.
Dray exhales, his body taking only a second longer to get on board, and when it does, that kiss turns feral.
Teeth nip my bottom lip as he shoves me onto my back and climbs on top, stealing my breath and making everything else fade away.
Tomorrow isn’t real, not right now. He’s real. The way his fingers slide down my body, the way his tongue feels against mine, that’s real. The wetness between my thighs and the furious twist of desire building inside of me, that’s real. These stolen, quiet moments where I don’t have to be pretty and pristine, I can just be me, desperate for connection? That’s real.
And I need more.
Reaching down, I fumble with his pants until his cock springs free and stroke it quickly as I kiss him deeper. We undress in a flurry of movements, fabric popping when he stretches our clothes too far in his haste, but the second he begins kissing down my body I realize I wouldn’t care if he burned them. I wouldn’t care if everything burned.
That first swipe of his tongue takes him too far away from me. I want him close, inside of me, but god it feels good. My fingers tangle in his loose curls as I wrap my legs around his shoulders, trapping him.
He seems to feel the distance too because he uses every single skill of his to bring me to ruin. He knows my body so well, every hint and cue tells him exactly what I need, and just as I’m about to fall apart he pulls his face away and grins up at me. “Not yet, Sullivan. You’re going to come on my cock.”
I don’t have to wait long. I feel him slipping inside of me, sheathing himself deep, giving me what I need. Having him fill me up like this finally pulls me out of my own head, and as I bury my face in his neck, everything else disappears.
All I smell and taste is him.
All I feel is him.
There is only him — us — and I’m living with that blissful truth right up until he speaks. “You’re everything I never allowed myself to believe I could have, beautiful. Fuck, you don’t know what you do to me.”
He can’t believe it because it’s not happening. The tomorrow that didn’t seem real a moment ago is very real, staring down at me like a walking nightmare. “Don’t talk,” I whisper, rolling my hips and pulling him closer, chasing the oblivion I had just moments ago. “Don’t think. Just feel.”
His lips find mine as his hips speed up, snapping harder and harder so there’s no choice but for either of us to be present in this moment. When his hand grips my throat, I finally get there.
The blood flow to my brain slows, leaving no room for doubt or fear or overthinking. It’s just pleasure, just the driving force of his cock and his incessant fingers on my clit.
More than one orgasm wracks my body before he lets go. I don’t know how many, and I don’t want to. It doesn’t matter. I still need more.
Deep breaths fill the space around us as he positions my legs up on his shoulders. Over and over again, he pounds into me, taking me apart with his intense blue eyes locked on my face. Every thrust feels a little more intense, a little more like a silent message. Nothing matters but us.
Tears flow from my eyes as reality comes crashing back down, but I don’t ask him to stop.
This is life now.
And I have to have faith.
Reaching up, I pull him back down to me and kiss him fiercely, swallowing his deep growl as his cock lurches inside of me. He didn’t want this to end either, but as he floods my body with cum and whispers how much he loves me against my lips, I let that be enough.
It has to be.
For today, for tomorrow, for the foreseeable future... it has to be enough.