8. nix #2
My blood fizzes and pops like champagne bubbles with each stroke of her tongue against mine.
We grow desperate, as if we’re both imprinting the other on our tongues and in our hearts.
I’ve always loved kissing Abbi; having her melt into me.
I love kissing her for no reason at all or kissing her to seduce her into my bed.
I’m unsure how long we kiss, but I get lost in her.
In the feel of her body against mine, her taste on my tongue, her lips against mine.
It’s so familiar, yet it’s been far too long since we’ve connected in this way.
Possibilities fill my mind of a future without this woman by my side, and I almost crumble to the floor.
I tighten my hold, melding our bodies, and deepen our kiss impossibly further.
We clutch each other, holding tight as if our very survival depends on not letting go.
I’m never letting this woman go. I refuse.
I breathe her in and soak up her warmth.
She’s my everything, and I won’t stop showing her from this point forward.
There will be no doubt in her mind that she means the world to me.
She pulls away, and our foreheads touch.
Our breaths come in heavy gasps, coating each other’s lips.
Reaching up, I stroke her hair and her face, studying every curve, dip, crease, and freckle.
“I love you, Abigail Prudence Steele.” I tell her as I cup her face with reverence, her soft skin warm beneath my hands, her cheeks damp from her tears.
Her gaze is uncertain, and I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused her, but I can ensure I never break her heart again.
That she never has to question my devotion to her and our family again.
She takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly, but doesn’t respond to my declaration.
I tell myself it’s fine. Convince myself that I don’t need her to respond.
I need to earn her trust again. But I can’t lie to myself; her lack of response fucking burns.
Sliding my hands down her throat and across her shoulders, I move them further down her arms, feeling her shiver, and take her hands in mine.
A small, shaky smile touches my lips as I step away.
“Even though it’s almost midnight, do you want to come outside and plan out our backyard with me?
I have some ideas I think you’ll like.” I raise my brows as I wait for her answer, knowing I’ve switched gears suddenly, but I need to tear my mind away from her lack of “I love you” back.
She nods almost shyly, and I tug her toward the back door and open it. Cool air greets us, and we both shiver. “I think I’ll need a coat.”
I nod, then leave her standing at the door while I retrieve our coats from the mudroom.
I hold hers out so she can push her arms through the sleeves, then drag it upward, ensuring the collar isn’t twisted.
She smiles at me with gratitude and steps outside.
I grab the flashlight and follow, tugging my coat on.
I take her hand in mine, pleased she doesn’t pull away, and lead her down the back porch steps. “We only have six months, and ideally I want this finished at least two months before to ensure the plants have a little time to establish. I want it to be perfect for Prue.”
Abbi smiles at me, and it feels like I’ve won an award. “Do you remember how we wanted to have a fire pit over there?” She points in the general direction with her chin.
“Yeah, I do, and I think we should make it happen. But we build the fire pit after the wedding. I was thinking the sunken area would be the perfect spot for the kids to say their vows.”
She looks up at me with surprise. “That would be perfect. We could build a temporary arbor over it with flowers. She’d love that.”
I nod, making a mental note to find a reputable carpenter because that’s beyond my capabilities. I turn back toward the house, spinning Abbi with me. “I’d like our porch to be extended to wrap around the side and all the way along the back of the house, with a built-in hot tub and privacy screen.”
Her nose crinkles in that way it does when she doesn’t agree with something but doesn’t want to voice her opinion. I squeeze her hand, encouraging her to speak her thoughts. “We don’t really need a hot tub for the wedding, Nix.”
“I know, but it’s something we always talked about having, and while we’re doing the work, we may as well make our backyard the sanctuary we’ve always wanted it to be.
” Hopefully, she’ll fall so in love with the garden, she won’t want to leave.
I guide her around the side of the house where our bedroom is situated.
“I thought we could swap out the window for some French doors and have the hot tub over here. The privacy screen would separate it from the backyard, so it won’t be a prominent feature. ”
It’s difficult to read her expression in the limited light, but I swear I see a glimmer of hope in her expression.
She simply nods and leads me back the way we came, heading for the magnolia tree.
“This should be in bloom for the wedding.” She waves her free hand above her head.
“But we should consider planting some more flowering plants. Hopefully, if we do it right, we can really make the garden come alive for Prue.”
We discuss our ideas, mostly things we’ve already spoken about over the years but never made the time to make happen and create a plan to get things moving.
We don’t have any time to waste. I draw a deep breath of cool night air into my lungs before we head inside, hopeful we’ll make it.
I lock the house and set the security system, then walk Abbi to our bedroom.
Stopping outside our door, I take both of her hands in mine and lean in to kiss her cheek.
She looks up at me, sadness in her eyes, and I know what she’s thinking.
How can we make this work if we can’t sleep in the same bed?
“I’m working on it, Abs. I’m determined to deal with my demons, so this won’t be forever.
” I press my lips to her forehead, closing my eyes as I soak in the moment and the feeling of her soft skin beneath my lips.
“Can I take you on a date tomorrow night?”
She pulls her face away a little and studies me closely.
When she shakes her head from side to side, my stomach free-falls.
“I can’t. I have dinner planned with Callie.
She’s in the city for a conference, so it’s the perfect chance to catch up by ourselves.
We planned it weeks ago,” she tells me, her voice full of apology.
I know how important spending any time she can with her sister is to her, so I would never ask her to change her plans. I reach up and smooth her hair away from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “How about lunch?”
Her shoulders drop, and she almost curls in on herself. “I’m spending the day with Prue. She wants to find her wedding dress. If we can’t find what she wants tomorrow, we’ll go out again on Sunday.”
“Let’s hope she finds the perfect dress tomorrow.”
She smiles sadly. “Do you even know our daughter?”
I huff out a chuckle. “Yes. Yes, I do.” I tuck my hands into the pockets of my sweatpants and rock back on my heels. “I guess we can try again next weekend?”
“Maybe,” she whispers.
Leaning in, I kiss her chastely one last time, disappointed that I can’t share a bed with my wife. “Good night, Abs.”
Her eyelids drop closed. “Night, Nix.”