9. abbi
ABBI
“Damn it! I’m late,” I huff, rolling my eyes toward the darkening sky. I hate being late. Apart from being rude, I don’t get to spend nearly enough time with my sister one on one.
Power walking along the sidewalk until I reach the restaurant, I spot Callie sitting in a booth by the window, absorbed in her phone, so I tap on the glass.
Her head snaps up, and when her eyes land on me, a wide smile stretches her cheeks.
Gosh, I miss her. We rarely get the opportunity to catch up face to face with her living an hour outside the city in the opposite direction from me with her husband and their twin girls.
By the time I make it inside, she’s standing by our table with her arms outstretched, and I walk straight into them.
We embrace, rocking back and forth, and the love between us releases a knot that’s been twisting in my chest since Thursday morning.
We kiss each other’s cheek, and pull away, studying each other closely. She looks so happy and content, and it takes me back to a time when I felt the same.
“It’s so good to be able to hug you!” Callie says as she squeezes me again.
“You too. It’s been too long,” I tell her as I squeeze her back.
I should make the effort to visit her more now that my kids are grown.
I really don’t have an excuse. She slides into the booth, and I take off my coat so I can join her on the opposite side.
“I’m sorry I’m late. Prue was relentless in her hunt for the perfect wedding dress today.
I tried to explain that she probably wouldn’t find it on her first outing, but she insisted she would. ”
Callie leans forward, closing the space between us. Her eyes sparkling in the low light of the restaurant. “And did she?”
I chuckle and shake my head. “Of course not, but she was determined. We’re heading back out tomorrow.” I must remember to wear more comfortable shoes. My feet are killing me.
My sister pouts. “I wish I could stay in the city tonight so I could come with you guys, but the girls have gymnastics in the morning and I don’t want to miss it.”
I reach across the table and squeeze her fingers. “I wish you could too, but you shouldn’t miss out on gymnastics.” I get more comfortable in my seat. “How are your babies? They look like they’ve grown heaps when we FaceTime’d last.”
In true Callie fashion, she laughs freely and boldly, making heads around us turn. “Oh my gosh! The girls get into everything. I need to have eyes in the back of my head and the stamina of an Olympic athlete to keep up with them.”
We both giggle like schoolgirls at her over-the-top description.
Callie was an oops baby. So we’re at very different stages in our lives with sixteen years between us.
I was more of a mother to her than our mother was.
She was also older when she had her twin girls than Nix and I were when we had our kids, so the age gap between our kids is even greater.
Even though our kids are cousins, sometimes Murph and Prue feel more like an uncle and aunt to Elena and Lillian.
Our time is always limited these days, and neither of us wants to waste a minute perusing the menu, so we both order our usual when the server arrives.
While we wait for our food to arrive, Callie shares more of her girls’ escapades, often drawing the attention of people from tables close by.
Where I tend to be quieter and more reserved, Callie is the opposite—loud and outgoing.
She never subdues her personality, making her magnetic.
Throughout dinner, she regales me with anecdotes of her life, sharing how fantastic Dean is with their girls and how engaged he is with them.
“He’s such a great, hands-on daddy.” Jealousy burns deep in my stomach.
We only ever had Nix home for short periods in between tours and assignments.
“They’re really lucky to have him.” She leans her chin on her hand, hearts in her eyes.
“So am I.” She looks at me, a soft smile touching her lips.
“How did we get so lucky in the husband department?” she asks wistfully.
Tightness knots my stomach, and I fidget with my napkin for something to do, unable to meet my sister’s gaze.
The moment stretches out with no response from me when I would normally use the opportunity to gush about Nix.
But the urge to gush over my pseudo-husband isn’t there.
Shame washes over me that my marriage is falling apart and I haven’t been open and honest with my sister to tell her.
We used to share everything—to be fair, she’s always been more open and shares a lot more than I do.
I know the exact day she lost her virginity and when she had her first kiss.
I was the one she came to when she got her period, and I was the person she phoned when she met Dean and knew he was her person from the instant he said hello.
She was the first person to know when I was pregnant with Murphy and the first to hold him after me and Nix.
But I haven’t wanted to share about my failing marriage with anyone. Telling her I failed in my marriage will make it more real, and I’m not ready to admit it to anyone; I’ve barely admitted it to myself.
That I’ve given up.
Gosh, Nix has been part of Callie’s life since she was a baby. She doesn’t know me without Nix by my side. How will she take the breakdown of my marriage?
When I finally get brave enough to lift my eyes from my napkin, I’m greeted with her narrowed, all-seeing gaze. I swallow hard and draw a deep breath, paste on a smile, and answer her with a careless shrug. “I don’t know.”
She straightens, her smile disappearing. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” she says softly, hurt dripping from every syllable.
Everything’s still so raw and uncertain. I’m not sure where Nix and I stand. We shared a kiss last night. An incredible kiss that I can still feel tingling on my lips. It felt like … a promise … an oath sealed with heartbreak.
I’m not sure I can tell her without breaking down, and I definitely don’t want to make a spectacle of myself in the restaurant with so many people around. I chuckle, hopefully humorously. “I’m sure there’s plenty I’m not telling you. You haven’t given me a chance to speak since we sat down.”
If it’s even possible, her face drops further and her shoulders curl inward. “Sissy,” she breathes, her eyes begging me to share my truth.
I’m her big sister. I’m supposed to look after her.
Be there for her. It’s not meant to be the other way around.
This feels off-balance and wrong on so many levels.
I already feel like my world is collapsing beneath my feet, the ground so shaky I don’t know how I’m still standing.
I was always the one offering her advice, and now … I shake my head.
Callie reaches across the table and links her fingers with mine, the way she always did when she was a child. “What’s going on?” She knows me well enough to read my body language and understand that something isn’t right. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere quiet so we can talk.”
She slides to the edge of her seat and pushes to her feet, heading straight to the cashier to pay for our meals.
I’m too discombobulated to argue with her tonight.
Once I’m by her side, she grips my hand like a child and drags me out to the sidewalk.
Looking in both directions, she must come to a decision, and tugs me forward.
We arrive at a coffee shop that’s almost abandoned since it’s dinnertime, and she shoves me through the door.
“Take a seat. I’ll grab us each a coffee.
” She tips her head toward the far back corner, and I nod, then follow her directions on autopilot, all the while doing my best to get my thoughts in order.
Callie loves Nix like a brother. How do I tell her our marriage is pretty much over?
Sure, Nix says he wants to save it, and I agreed to give him a chance, but I’m not convinced he’ll follow through when it means dividing his time between us and Steele Security.
I don’t begrudge him working hard to build his business.
It’s important to him, and he needed … something to fill the hole left behind when he lost his friend, Wyatt, and retired from the Army Rangers.
I get it. I do.
But it’s cost us so much. More than I ever imagined.
And not dollars either. Time. It’s cost us time.
Every late night and weekend he worked instead of coming home.
Every text message, call, and email he answered instead of talking to me.
Building his offices instead of doing necessary maintenance around our house or creating the backyard we always wanted.
I just wish he’d chosen us instead.
Blowing out a heavy sigh, Callie places two cups of coffee on the table and slides into the seat opposite me. My stomach churns like a stormy ocean with what I’m about to tell her. I know I’m about to break her heart.
“Are you sick?” Callie blurts, her eyes cataloging everything.
I look at her as if she’s told me she’s flying to Mars. “What? No, of course not,” I tell her, shaking my head as if my words aren’t enough on their own.
“Is Nix sick?”
I shake my head. “No. He’s perfectly healthy.” God, is he perfectly healthy. The man looks fantastic considering he’s almost fifty. He’s still got it. He still makes my stomach flutter and heart beat faster whenever he’s near. So unfair.
Her eyes widen, and she shifts forward in her seat. “Is Murphy okay? He didn’t get hurt, did he?”
I reach for her hand and tangle our fingers together. “No. He’s perfectly fine. I … we spoke with him this morning.” I squeeze her fingers. “Everyone’s safe and healthy.”
The rigidity in her shoulders disappears, and she tilts her head. “Then tell me what’s going on. I know something’s wrong. And I know you well enough to sense it’s something serious.”