Chapter 7
Eyes dark and hungry, focused entirely on me. I tried to sit up from where I lay, but I was frozen. Color spun around us, like living inside a Van Gogh painting, and I turned my head to follow the swirls with a sense of euphoria.
Ben lowered himself over me, pushing my hair back from my neck before kissing and licking his way up to my ear. I sighed, and my eyes fluttered closed.
“How long are we going to play this game, Juliana?” His teeth nipped at my earlobe, and my core clenched in response. “You pretending you hate me? Me pretending I don’t need you more than my next breath?”
I arched into him, gaining enough control of my body for my arms to wrap around his torso and bring his body flat on top of me. I moaned at the friction, thinking I would give anything to feel him inside of me.
“No more games. Just give me what I need.”
He slipped my pajama shorts down my legs, lining himself up with my entrance. I arched into him, begging for the intrusion, whimpering from every pass of his erection against my sensitive flesh. He pushed forward—
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
Fuck. The alarm always went off too early.
My hand came down on the off button harder than necessary, and I glared at my old-fashioned alarm clock. I bought it to avoid the dead-cell-phone, missed-alarm scenario—five minutes could be the difference between a peaceful morning and complete mayhem—but there was also something satisfying about smacking the shit out of it every day.
Trying to shake off the dream, I stretched. I’d be lying if I said it was my first dream starring the bane of my existence, but he was too good-looking for my subconscious mind to ignore.
After a few minutes, I realized the ache wasn’t going away without help, and I couldn’t have this tension throwing me off in our meeting first thing this morning. Ashamed of myself—but not ashamed enough to stop—I slipped my hand under my pajama’s waistband, picturing the rest of my dream that was so rudely interrupted.
I imagined him pushing inside me, grabbing my breast before taking one of my nipples between his lips and giving me a soft bite. The pressure built inside of me. A few more strokes would get me where I desperately needed to be.
“MOMMMMM!” The scream from Clara was the only warning I had before she barged into my room. I yanked my hand out of my pants and shot up, my body tight, flushed, and pissed at yet another interruption.
I need to start locking the door.
“What did we say about knocking, Clara? I’ll do it for you, but you have to do it for me, too. Come on.” Her face dropped, and I felt a stab in my chest. Great. Now I was horny and guilty. “I’m sorry, sweetie. What’s up?”
“Ugh, I’m sorry, but I’m so mad at Sophie. She keeps taking my stuff.” She let out a frustrated groan to punctuate her complaint.
I rubbed my hands over my face, torn between the urge to scream figure it out and guilt for snapping at her. The guilt won out, and I dragged myself out of bed to deal with another in consequential sibling squabble, leaving me with no time to take care of my little problem.
In my office hours later, I tried to channel my untapped energy on something productive. I had made it through the fifteen-minute meeting with Ben unscathed, running through my plan as quickly as possible before shooting out of the office.
My reflection in the black monitor caught my attention, and I wished I had more time to spend on myself. I loved my hair most of the time, but it took work. The lion’s mane surrounding my head were my curls at their absolute worst. Jason used to call it my sex hair, but without the fun part. With the monitor acting as a mirror, I started gathering the curls into a topknot, praying my hair tie was enough to keep it all contained.
With my hands in my hair, I received a knock on my door. I looked up to find the star of my dreams in the flesh. His eyes trailed from my hair, down my arm, and back up the slope of my neck to my eyes. I flushed in every spot he looked, but I tried to school my expression to hide the flare of arousal I got from him looking at me.
Apparently, unsuccessfully.
Ben leaned against the doorframe and sent me a crooked grin.
“What are you thinking about?”
I straightened my spine, attempting to look down my nose at him even though I had the low ground. “Nothing involving you, I assure you. What can I do for you?”
“I received a call from Dean Warren a few minutes ago. He’s happy with our initial plan but wants to discuss some of the learning components. I figured you would want to be involved in any conversations involving the program. He is only free tonight at seven P.M. He heads to some big conference tomorrow and wants it done before leaving. I know it’s complicated with your kids, so if you can’t make it, I’ll handle it.”
I bristled at the comment. Without answering, I held up a finger and tapped my phone.
A few rings in, my mom picked up. “Hey, honey, is everything alright?”
“Yeah, Mom, everything’s fine. But I need a favor. Are you free to watch the girls tonight? Someone scheduled a late meeting.” I sent a pointed look at Ben, who was still by the door, hands in his pockets. He looked like the picture of relaxation, not at all concerned by my glare.
“Of course. We’d love to spend the evening with them. Stay as long as you need to.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
I felt a rush of affection and gratitude for my parents. The way they had stepped up since I started working had blown me away. My sister and her family lived out of state, so Clara and Sophie got all their attention.
“Sorry to disappoint, but I’ll be there,” I told Ben.
His head dropped forward as he shook it from side to side. “Believe it or not, I was trying to be helpful by saying I’d handle the meeting alone. I know it’s hard with everything you’re managing.”
No, he didn’t. No one knew. They might pity me or theoretically get that my life is difficult, but it’s impossible to understand the pressure of being the absolute sole provider. The loneliness of having no one to share the failures or victories with. Even the most empathetic of people didn’t get it, and Ben didn’t fit into the most empathetic category.
When I said nothing, he huffed. “Be in my office at six forty-five so we can prepare.” He turned on his heel and headed away from my office.
“You forgot ‘please,’” I called after him, earning stares from a few people passing by. I waved and gave them my most charming smile.
My determination to focus on my work was unsuccessful, and by lunchtime, I’d accomplished less than half of my to-do list. I needed to get some of this energy out, so I grabbed the bag of exercise gear from the bottom drawer of my desk. Eduardo splurged and repurposed an old conference room into a small gym for us, so most of the employees kept some workout clothes at the ready, but I needed fresh air, too. I popped my head into Christina’s office to tell her I was going for a run during my break.
A few miles worth of burning muscles was exactly what my body needed.
Our office was a few blocks away from one of the city’s prettiest parks, and the tension left my body as my feet pounded against the pavement. With so many things going on in my life, I wasn’t great about prioritizing my self-care, but running was the one thing I couldn’t sacrifice. Most of the time, I ran behind the girls on their bikes, focusing on keeping them out of the road, but at least it was something.
Today my mind was free to wander, flitting between my ever-growing to-do list, my spiel for Dean Warren, and the newest book I was trying to read in my thirty minutes of free time a day. I ran past the swans and ducks, smiling as they waddled along next to me for a minute. The slight chill in the air nipped at my cheeks, and I savored the cool weather, knowing within a month it would be too hot to run when the sun was up, much less in the middle of the day.
I was completing my first lap around the lake when someone fell into step beside me.
I surveyed Ben’s profile out of the corner of my eye as he jogged next to me. “Are you stalking me now?” I asked.
He laughed. “I got some information from Billings College to share, and when Christina told me you were out here for a run, I figured you could use the company. Lake Eola can be sketchy during the week.”
“I’m a big girl, Ben. I don’t need you protecting me.”
“Of course not, but I needed the run anyway, and it can’t hurt, right?”
“Clearly, it can,” I said under my breath, keeping my pace up.
“So, do you want to know the news?”
I let out a long-suffering sigh. “Not really. I’m trying to enjoy my run.”
“You run like five times a week. Are you telling me you can’t talk while you do it?”
“First, it’s weird you know that.”
“We’re in the same office every day. It’d be weird if I didn’t know anything about my colleagues.”
“I don’t know anything about you,” I said.
He ran a few feet ahead, turning around so he could face me while running backward with a cocky smile. Show-off. “All you had to do was ask, Juliana. I was born—”
I held up a hand to cut him off. “Absolutely not. If I wanted a history lesson to put me to sleep, I’d go back to high school. Just pointing out that it’s weird how much you seem to know about me. Should I be worried about your stalker tendencies?”
He chuckled and turned forward, dropping back next to me.
I felt a rush as his steps settled in time with mine. He still had that half smile on his face, but no comeback. “As for your original comment, just because I can talk while I run doesn’t mean I want to talk.”
I thought back to all the days spent running beside Jason. He knew I needed that time with my own thoughts. He kept pace by my side and let my mind wander, his presence pushing me an extra mile or to a faster pace.
Ben didn’t respond but continued along beside me as we completed a second, third, and fourth lap, heading past the swan boats, amphitheater, and a beautiful but out-of-place Chinese pavilion. I noted—simultaneously impressed and jealous—his breathing never sped up, while mine became choppier with each mile. If he was the one setting our pace, I’d be on the ground already.
My watch pinged to tell me I had reached my goal distance, and I slowed my pace to a walk before stopping. I tossed one leg up onto the low wall next to us, folding myself down to touch my toes.
“Well, what was so important that you needed to crash my run?” When he didn’t answer, I shot him an impatient glare over my shoulder.
His face was dumbstruck, his gaze running up and down my body like his luminous eyes couldn’t decide where they wanted to land.
I hated loose fabrics while I ran, the swishing of jogging shorts or a baggy T-shirt always rubbed me the wrong way, literally, so I wore a matching leggings-and-top set fitted perfectly to my body.
Ben shook his head, clearing his throat. “Yeah, about the meeting, the president of Billings College decided she wanted to join the call. Eduardo said if she’s on the call, he’s on the call. This is a big chance for you to show off why you’d be right for the CRO role, so I wanted you to have a heads-up.”
His thoughtfulness shocked me. Our gazes locked for a beat as I processed this move. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”
He nodded, jaw clenched, and started off toward our building. I followed a step behind, already running through what I’d say. This changed from a meeting to an interview, and deep in my gut, I knew it would change my life.