Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
SOPHIE
I don’t know where I got the courage to ask Cole if he wanted a hug, but he looked so sad after Jules left that my heart ached.
And I, too, needed some comfort after the story he’d told me.
It hurt to hear that neither of them grew up with their parents.
That they had to take care of themselves at such a young age and didn’t even have a home.
My mother may not have done everything right, but not having a mother at all is much, much worse.
I now see them with different eyes and understand why their bond is so strong.
Also, something has changed between Cole and me since that moment.
I can’t put my finger on it, but since that hug, which lasted so much longer than the one between Jules and me and felt completely different at the same time, I no longer feel like he doesn’t want me to be here. And I like that. A lot, actually.
When Cole wakes me up the following morning, it seems as if only a few hours have passed. The pale daylight streaming through the open door into my room confirms my suspicion that it must still be very early.
Worry creeps up my spine, but Cole looks down at me with a broad grin. "Come on, get up. We’ve got to go."
Confused, I look after him as he turns and leaves the room. "Why? Where to?" I yell while I free myself from the blanket to follow him.
He stands in the open kitchen, fully clothed, making us some coffee. "I’m not gonna tell you."
I’m not sure how to feel about that. "Is it… a surprise?"
"Yep." Cole turns back to me and holds out a coffee cup, still flashing that grin that makes strange things happen to my heart.
"I don’t know if I like surprises."
He chuckles as I take the cup from him. "I’m pretty sure you’ll like this one."
I feel a knot in my stomach as I get into Cole’s truck, but I keep it to myself. "Where are we going?" I ask instead after I’ve fastened my seat belt.
Cole starts the engine, which awakes with that roar I’m starting to love, shifts the gear lever, and then steers the vehicle on the road. "You’ll see when the time comes."
For a moment, I wonder if that’s really Cole sitting next to me. I’ve only been with him for a little over three days, but I’ve never seen him so… cheerful in all that time. He smiles and even turns on the radio.
I wish Jules were here to tell me what’s going on with him.
She called last night to assure us that she had landed safely, and then told us how exciting it all was.
Her mother looked a lot like her and was kind and loving, and Jules even has two little sisters.
The phone call only lasted a few minutes because Jules was so agitated.
But it was obvious how happy she was, and that, in turn, made me happy.
And even though Cole looked a little sad again after they hung up, he seemed happy for her too.
"Donuts?" he asks out of the blue.
"What?"
"I asked whether you want donuts. Have you ever had any?"
I shake my head when he looks at me briefly.
"Oh, little darling… We’ll have to change that."
Ten minutes later, a giant cardboard box labeled Dunkin’ Donuts sits on my lap, filled with colorful, ring-shaped pastries.
"What are you waiting for?" Cole reaches into the box to grab one with blue icing and bites into it heartily.
I opt for a plain one without icing, as I’m not comfortable eating something that colorful, and take a small bite.
"So?"
I cover my mouth with my hand before answering, my face contorting a bit as the sugar almost hurts my teeth. "I don’t think I’ve ever had anything this sweet before."
Cole laughs and takes another donut before driving off.
Then he starts listing off a wide variety of foods to find out what I haven’t eaten yet.
And that seems to be a lot. Pasta, ice cream, seafood, chocolate, burgers, potato chips, and countless other things that make me realize that my mother has kept much more from me than I ever believed.
"Damn, darling… What did you eat?" Astonishment is clearly written on his face as he looks briefly at me. I think I can even see a hint of anger in his eyes.
"Vegetables from our garden, homemade bread, and cheese and meat from the market. Sometimes we had oatmeal cookies with honey."
"What about your dad, anyway?" Cole asks cautiously after a while.
"I don’t have one."
His gaze softens a bit. "Everyone has a dad. But we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to."
I turn my head to the right and look outside at the landscape rushing by.
Of course I know that I have a father. After all, I’m not stupid. But I don’t know him, and from what my mother has told me, I don’t want to, either.
"My father isn’t a good man," I reply quietly at some point.
"Why would you think that?"
"He did things to my mother that she didn’t want. And then she got me."
I know what it’s called. I’ll never forget how mad my mother got after I asked her once where I actually came from. What she told me then sounded so horrible to me that I didn’t dare ask her about it a second time. And since then, we have never talked about it again.
Cole curses softly as I continue looking out the window. "Is that why she didn’t let you out?"
"I think so. She always said the world is an ugly place and men are pure evil."
A dismissive snort escapes him. "Well… she’s not entirely wrong, you know?"
My voice sounds harsher than intended when I answer him. "But she’s not completely right, either."
A few minutes pass before he continues. "I’m sorry about what happened to your mother."
"So am I," I say quietly.
It must have been awful if it led her to such drastic measures.
Raising me like that was not normal, and even though I love her and it breaks my heart to know what she went through, I now understand that it wasn’t right.
She shouldn’t have had to keep me at home to protect me.
She shouldn’t have taken away the life I could have lived just because something horrible happened to her.
"You know things usually aren’t like that between a woman and a man, don’t you?" Cole’s voice is calm but serious.
When I finally manage to turn my head in his direction, he looks at me urgently.
"Yes, I know. Jules has… explained some things to me." My cheeks warm at the words.
Cole’s chuckle breaks the strange mood that had been building up in the car. Then he twists his mouth into a crooked grin as he looks at me. "American Pie, huh?"
My cheeks get even hotter. "You’ve seen that movie?"
"Little darling… everybody has seen that movie."
I hide my face behind my hands. Talking to Jules about it was fine because she’s a woman, too. But Cole is… a man. That just feels weird.
"Hey, what’s wrong?"
"I don’t want to talk about that movie with you," I reply through my fingers, shaking my head.
He laughs again, but a moment later, I feel his fingers on my hand before he gently pulls it away from my face. "We don’t have to talk about it," he says seriously. "You don’t have to do anything at all, Sophie. I will never push you into anything you don’t want to do."
I lift my gaze at him, but he’s already looking back at the road in front of us, and before I can say anything, I feel him intertwining his fingers with mine and resting our hands on my thigh.
My heart pounds like crazy. I don’t know if it’s because of his words or because he’s holding my hand, but I don’t want it to stop.
"Are your eyes still closed?"
I nod my head vigorously before answering with a laugh because it’s the fourth time he’s asked that. "Yes. Since forever."
"Good. We’re almost there."
I feel him steering the pickup around a curve again, and the road surface shifts. It turns a little bumpy, and the tires scrunch on gravel. I’m so excited that I barely notice Cole letting go of my hand. A few heartbeats later, he stops the truck, turns off the engine, and gets out.
"Where are you going?"
Instead of answering me, he slams the door shut. A moment later, he opens the passenger door, and I gasp in surprise.
"I’m going to unbuckle you now," Cole says right next to me, but I pay much more attention to the loud roar that reaches my ears. Then I notice that the air smells different. It’s cold and somehow… salty.
Without another warning, Cole lifts me out of the seat.
A soft yelp escapes me, but I keep my eyes closed and am already back on the ground before I can protest. He takes my hand, closes the door, and locks the pickup.
His next words sound like he’s smiling as he says them. "Do you want to walk by yourself or shall I carry you?"
"I don’t know," I reply because it’s incredibly windy and the ground feels uneven. "How far is it?"
"Not that far. But if I carry you, we’ll be faster."
I gather my courage and answer him with a still racing heart. "Then carry me."
Not a second later, he lifts me again. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around his neck and put my cheek against his shoulder.
Immediately, his unique scent surrounds me, masking even the saltiness in the air, and I snuggle closer to him.
With each step he takes, I care less where he takes me, as long as he’s holding me.
All too quickly, Cole stops. "I’ll put you back down."
My feet touch the ground, and his hands go to my hips, guiding me until I feel his body against my back.
My mind is all over the place. I’ve been holding Cole’s hand for what felt like hours, and then I’ve been carried by him. Just as I’m wondering how fast a heart can beat without harming itself, I feel his warm breath on my ear.
"Open your eyes, little darling."