Chapter 22
TWENTY-TWO
COLE
I have no fucking idea what got into me this morning or whether I completely lost my mind, but when I woke up around six o’clock, I felt an urgent need to do something… good.
After I told Sophie about Jules’s and my past, it was as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. And the moment she asked me if she could hug me… It made me want to give something back to her, so I decided to surprise her with this trip.
Since I’m standing behind her, I can’t see her face, but she takes an audible breath and claps her hands over her mouth.
Seems like my plan worked.
"Is that… the sea?" She sounds both stunned and overwhelmed.
"Yes. The Gulf of Mexico."
Sophie drops her hands and brushes her hair out of her face. "Can we get closer?"
Reluctantly, I let go of her. "Sure."
When she takes the first step, the cold wind immediately hits my chest, making it even more clear that she’s no longer standing with me.
I do my best not to pay too much attention to this loss.
Instead, I follow Sophie as she slowly walks across the beach until she stops just a few feet from the breaking waves.
I go to stand next to her and watch her face as she looks out into the distance, admiring the roaring water in front of her with wide eyes.
"I didn’t expect it to be that loud," she says after several minutes of silence over the wind. "Is the water very cold?"
"I don’t know." Shrugging, I force myself to take my eyes off her—at least for one damn second—and look out at the sea. "But we can find out."
She turns her head and looks at me, startled. "I can’t swim."
"You don’t have to. We’re not going in that far," I reply before taking off my boots.
"What if I get swept away by a wave?"
Her wide eyes make me smile. "Won’t happen. I’ll hold you tight."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
Her cheeks are flushed as she looks indecisively at the water while chewing on her lower lip, seeming to consider until she nods. "Okay." Then she takes off her shoes and socks and puts everything next to my clothes.
Meanwhile, I go into the water, which is cold but not so much that it’s uncomfortable, and turn back to her. Sophie looks at me with a mixture of fear and curiosity before taking a few cautious steps toward me.
"Trust me, nothing’s going to happen," I encourage her and hold out my hands.
Suddenly, she stops and looks into the waves. "Are there any fish here that might bite me?"
I shake my head. "No."
She finally steps into the wave breaking on the beach.
When she reaches me and grabs my hands, I wonder how strange we must look, but then a large wave catches me off guard.
Sophie stays protected behind me and gets only a few splashes, while my pants are instantly soaked, even though I’d rolled the legs up.
She looks at me wide-eyed before bursting out laughing.
"Oh, you think that’s funny?" I let go of her hands to grab her by the waist and throw her over my shoulder, but Sophie sees through me and darts away instantly.
For the next few minutes, we run through the surf, laughing and screaming. I forget that we couldn’t be more different, and have to admit that I can’t recall the last time I had this much fun.
When I finally catch her, I wrap my arms around her before we land in the sand, gasping for air.
She lies on top of me as we try to catch our breath and the wind blows over us, until I sit up.
I’m just about to let go of her when Sophie snuggles up to me without hesitation, igniting a warmth inside me that I can’t ignore.
It’s been years since I was this close to a person—physically and emotionally—and I didn’t believe I could ever let that happen again.
But here and now—with Sophie’s body against mine—my chest suddenly doesn’t feel so tight anymore.
I can breathe properly for the first time in what feels like ages, so I inhale her pure eucalyptus scent while her hair tickles my neck and her fingers wrap around my forearms as if she doesn’t want to let me go.
"It’s beautiful," she whispers against the wind.
And she’s right. It is beautiful. But I’m not thinking about the sea that stretches out before us to the horizon.
All I’m thinking about is Sophie, whom I hold in my arms, and this tiny spark she has ignited in me.
About the feeling of being good enough that rushes through me every time she looks at me with her amber eyes.
I think about how goddamn easy everything would be if I could just forget about the past and sit here with her forever.
Without worry and the doubts about whether what I’m doing is right.
Without the voices in my head that keep telling me I don’t deserve any of this.
And even though I know none of it is possible, I silence the shitty thoughts for a moment.
Closing my eyes, I bury my face in Sophie’s soft hair and pretend that this moment never has to end.
Once we’re home and I put on dry clothes, I get back into the pickup to drive to Buster. Sophie didn’t want to come with me, so I call Jules while driving.
"Is everything all right?" she asks instead of a greeting, causing me to grimace.
I sound accusatory as I answer, but I don’t care. "You have a good evening, too. And yes, it’s all good."
"I’m sorry. I just thought—"
"That I’m already messing things up with Sophie after twenty-four hours?"
She’s silent for a moment before admitting, "Yeah. Kind of."
"I didn’t," I reply dryly.
"Good. Where is she?"
"I just dropped her off at home." Before Jules can ask any more questions, I tell her about our trip.
"So you’re telling me you spent half the day in the truck just to show her the ocean?"
Her disbelieving voice makes me snort. "Is that so far-fetched?" When it’s quiet for a few seconds, I frown. "Are you still there?"
"Yes. I was just checking to make sure this was really Cole Walker’s number because he would never do something like that. At least not in this universe. Do you have a fever?"
"No. What’s wrong with you?" Is it really so unbelievable that I’m actually doing something nice?
"That was really sweet of you." Jules’s voice suddenly sounds a little hoarse. "It’s just… strange. The last time you did something like that was a really long time ago."
I sigh because I know exactly what she’s talking about. "Yeah… Well… I just felt like it," I explain with a shrug even though she can’t see it.
She only responds with a weird noise.
"Are you crying?"
Jules sniffs. "What?"
"You’re crying."
"No! I’m not crying," she defends herself. "I’m just allergic to pollen."
Shaking my head, I tease her. "You don’t have a pollen allergy. We both know that for a fact, Jules."
She curses at me, but I can hear the smile in her voice. "Was it nice?"
"I think she really liked it," I reply.
Jules tuts. "It’s clear she liked it. I want to know what it was like for you."
A strange knot forms in my throat and makes it difficult to swallow. Even though Jules and I have known each other for ages, we’ve never talked much about our feelings. Okay… I’ve never talked about it. Nevertheless, I answer her truthfully.
"I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun."
Jules tries to mask her sob with a cough, but fails miserably. "That’s nice," she then says in a hoarse voice. "It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you."
"Okay. That’s enough," I decide because it’s a little too much emotional stuff for me. "I’m hanging up now."
"Wait!"
Instead of giving her the chance to make things even more awkward, I end the call and toss the phone into the center console.
If she thinks I’m going to tell her what her words mean to me, she’s got another thing coming.
I may have made Sophie happy, but that doesn’t mean I’m suddenly all in on talking about my feelings, dammit.
Besides, I don’t even understand what she means.
It’s not like I proposed to Sophie. I just showed her the ocean.
Not to mention that the idea of her and me as a couple is completely insane.
After seeing Buster, I walk over to the reception and prop my forearms on the counter. "Excuse me, miss."
The receptionist looks up from her papers, her gaze briefly lingering on the tattoos on my arms before looking me in the eye. "Yes?"
"I was told that Buster is going to be discharged tomorrow. Is that still correct?"
She nods, looking at me questioningly. "As far as I know, yes. Why?"
"What would I have to do to… adopt him?"
Within a split second, her confused look turns into a 200-watt smile. "Since the stray hold period has passed, you’d just need to sign a few forms, pay the adoption fee, and cover the costs of the legally required vaccinations and microchipping."
I suppress an eye roll because her suddenly good mood is almost nauseating. "All right. Then… I’ll do that," I reply somewhat awkwardly, already expecting her to leap over the counter to throw her arms around my neck.
Fortunately, she remains seated and begins to pull out the documents and prepare everything. After gathering a small stack of papers, she looks back up at me. "Do you want us to vaccinate him right now and put the chip in?"
"Sure." Nodding, I take the documents from her to fill them out.
Shortly after, she disappears around the corner before I hear her shrill voice. "Did you hear that, Buster? You got a daddy now!"
"Good Lord," I murmur softly. Daddy. Just hearing that…
Sighing, I fill out the forms while I can’t stop imagining Sophie’s face when I get home with Buster tomorrow.
I’m just getting into the pickup when a text comes in on my phone, so I pull it out before buckling up. The content instantly brings me down from the high I’ve been riding all day and reminds me that I can’t keep pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows forever.
It’s from Steve, informing me that I will be first up tomorrow night.
I have no idea what to say in response because all of a sudden, I actually do care whether I survive a fight or not. It no longer feels unimportant whether I get hurt or hurt someone else. And that’s certainly not because I just adopted a dog.