Chapter 24
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
PHOENIX
There are more monks running this place than I thought. When Jax and I emerge in the large round dining room that’s at the very center of the monastery, there are six long tables occupied with fae women and men in robes of various colors.
Thank fuck the monks are polite. Barely anyone raises their head to stare at me, and those who do only do it briefly and only to offer a respectful bow before they return to eating their meal and sharing a conversation with their fellows.
“General!” Bloom’s voice draws my attention.
She rises from her seat at one of the tables farther down the hall and waves her hand. We head there.
Kazh, Ezkai Emil, Ezkai Bjorn, Ezkai Ravenna, and Fern are here already with plates of food in front of them.
I hesitate for a second, but then choose to sit next to Kazh on the edge of the bench.
Jax rounds the table to take a seat next to Ezkai Ravenna, but the glare she shoots him makes him halt.
My stomach sinks.
Oh gods. They hate him. Of course they do. Jax is not Jax to them. He’s the General Slayer.
What did I think would happen?
“Come over here, pretty boy.” Bloom breaks the tense silence and pats the bench next to her. My shoulders sag with relief. “I hear you’re from Emera. You must tell me if it’s true what they say about Emerian men.”
Jax doesn’t miss a beat. With a nonchalant smile, he pivots and joins Bloom and Fern. “What do they say about Emerian men?”
“That they’re either heartbreakers or liars,” Bloom says sweetly.
Fern snorts. “Or both.”
Jax’s smile doesn’t waver. “That solely depends on your luck.”
Bloom and Fern exchange a glance and chuckle.
“Let’s hope we’re lucky,” Fern says with a smirk.
Bloom shovels some food into her mouth and says, “I know we are. I can feel it.”
A passing monk hands me a full plate of grilled veggies and a stew of some sort. He brings one to Jax, too.
The scent is delicious, and from the way everyone is stuffing themselves around the table, it’s clear the food is delicious, too.
But it’s as if my stomach is full of rocks, and a huge ball is lodged in my throat. I’m not sure I can stomach anything right now. So, I sit in silence and push my food around the plate.
“You’ve got to eat,” Kazh mutters from beside me. “You think your dragon’s gonna want to bond a Decarios who looks like a scarecrow?”
“I don’t look like a scarecrow.”
She arches an eyebrow. “Not yet.”
I snort, but my mouth twitches upwards. I pop a piece of juicy grilled cauliflower into my mouth. The sauce is sweet and sour. Delicious. Yet, I have a hard time chewing and swallowing.
We’re here, enjoying a peaceful lunch in the most beautiful monastery in the mountains, while Vera’s somewhere. Being tortured.
The food turns to ash in my mouth. I place my fork down.
“Ezkai Ravenna, Noire recommended you for this journey. He speaks highly of you and your skills as a mender,” I say to the Ezkai across from me at the table.
She lifts her eyes to meet mine. “Thank you, General. That’s an honor.”
“Why did you choose the healer’s path?” I ask. “I had a friend from the Mender’s Unit. When we were squad mates at the Ezkai Academy, he told me once that he prefers to mend the wounds instead of inflicting them.”
Ezkai Ravenna smiles. “Ezkai Roman, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “You knew him?”
“Well. Once he joined the Mender Unit, I took him on as my personal mentee,” she says, her smile growing even brighter.
My heart twists. “He was a wonderful Ezkai, so quick and witty, with exceptional ability to calm his patients. I think I learned new tricks from him in the short time I knew him, too. My strength, just like his, was in putting people back together. Not tearing them apart.”
The backs of my eyes burn. The heaviness that settles over me threatens to bring me down. But I manage a nod and a smile.
Roman and the others I’ve lost are not here anymore.
But they never truly leave, do they?
The sound of a familiar laugh draws my attention. I glance at where Jax, Bloom, and Fern sit at the other end of the table, lost in a heated conversation. Ezkai Emil sits next to Jax, and he has joined in their little group, too.
As if he can sense my gaze, Jax turns his head slightly and our eyes meet.
You look as if you’ve just seen a ghost, darling, Jax’s voice echoes in my mind.
There’s no world or scenario in which it doesn’t end in a tragedy, Kazh’s earlier words ring in my ears.
Instead of answering Jax, I slam the door shut on our connection and focus my attention back on my plate.
How can I not look like I’ve seen a ghost when they’re everywhere I turn?
I’ve lost track of time completely. Since the moment my head hit the pillow, all I’ve done is toss and turn in my bed.
Sleep has never felt as distant as it feels right now.
With a heavy sigh, I toss the blanket off me and roll over onto my back so I can stare at the dark dome-shaped ceiling again.
It’s been some time since I looked at it. I better give the wall on the right side of the room some rest.
I was so determined that finding a dragon and bonding it would solve my problems until we got here. Now, I’m not so sure anymore.
I keep replaying the day of the Trial of Wisdom over and over my mind. What happened between me and the dragon. What I felt. How I felt.
It was so fast, and the moment was so heated…what if I remember it wrong? What if the spark of connection I felt then was only adrenaline?
How can I fucking believe that the dragon will bond me when I met it for all of five fucking minutes?
Inhale.
Exhale.
I can’t get enough air into my lungs. It’s as if a fucking dragon has its butt planted on my chest.
Slowly, I close my eyes.
One…two…three…
I count the breaths in my mind. Slow and steady.
Just as I feel myself drift off to sleep, Daegel’s face surges to the front of my mind. His dark eyes wide, glassy, throat bloody.
With a jerk, my eyes snap open. I put a hand on my chest to try and calm my heart and steady my breathing.
Jax clears his throat, startling me.
“You’re awake?” My voice cracks at the end.
“You’re projecting too intensely.”
I cover my face with my hands. “Oh, fuck, Jax. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry, darling.”
I hesitate. “How much did you…hear?”
Jax doesn’t answer immediately. And when he does, my throat squeezes. “Enough.”
I exhale loudly. It’s one thing for me to be miserable alone, with my own thoughts. But having someone else see and feel everything I do in moments like these…
I hate it.
Jax clears his throat. “I get it, okay? Nobody would like to have their thoughts open for someone else to read anytime. But you and me, we’re in this together. For good. You said it yourself. Until the end of days.”
“We’ll learn to control it.”
“Sure. Eventually.” Jax pauses. “Until then, let’s use it to our advantage.”
I frown. “How?”
“Your heartbeat is out of control. And your breathing is rapid and shallow.”
I snort. “Haven’t noticed it.”
“Darling, patience,” Jax purrs. “Let me get to my point.”
“Fine.”
“Through our bond, find my heartbeat,” he instructs, all serious.
I lick my lips, hesitating for a moment.
But then I do as he says. Ignoring my own racing heart, I lean into the bond and listen for his heartbeat. It’s not hard to locate.
It’s the oddest feeling. As if there are two hearts beating in my chest, at different rhythms.
“Good,” Jax says. “Now, find my breathing.”
This time I don’t hesitate. I lean in even farther and grasp Jax’s breathing quickly. It’s slow, deep, peaceful.
I’m lost in simply feeling him for a moment.
The steady, strong rhythm of his heart. The soothing way he inhales and exhales.
“Breathe with me,” he says, voice soft. “Focus on the space between breaths.”
I do as he says.
My mind is clear as I focus on the way our bodies are joined. My chest rises and falls in tandem with his, without us physically touching.
As we continue to breathe in sync, my heart slows. The dragon that’s been straddling my chest flies away, and my limbs loosen. I sink deeper into the mattress and the soft pillow under my head. Before I know it, sleep drags me under.