Chapter 36
MAC
“You got this,” Lovett assures me as we step onto the ice.
I bump his glove as we skate to center. Aside from practice and classes, I’ve spent the past couple of days holed up in my room, frustrated over my idiocy.
I should have been honest with Fee weeks ago, but my fears kept me silent.
I didn’t want to upset her, or get into a fight that resulted in her not talking to me, and both have happened. I feel like shit.
But I have to put my worries in a box so I can prove to my team, myself, and my hopefully still girlfriend, that I can play hockey.
My confidence needs to come from within, and that extends far beyond what happens on the ice today.
So I take a deep breath as I move into position and channel my energy into the game.
We win the puck drop, and Stiles passes to Lovett. I skate down the ice, Steele behind me, Stiles to my right. Lovett dips behind the crease and taps the puck to Stiles, but his shot goes wide, and I move in, snatching it before Ottawa can steal.
Steele blocks another player from getting to me with a shot to the ribs, and I pass back to Stiles.
He’s having an off game though, and an Ottawa enforcer nabs the puck.
Steele is already on him, though, fighting to regain possession.
Sticks chop the ice and elbows fly—there’s nothing clean about our play—but we’re tied and we want the win. I want it so badly I can taste it.
I finally hook the puck and send it back down the ice.
Lovett chases it, and Stiles moves back into position.
Lovett passes to him and I angle myself to the right of the net.
Brody passes to me, and I take the shot, but it bounces off the goalie’s stick.
Lovett nabs it on the rebound and sends it back toward the net, right before an Ottawa player checks him to the boards.
It’s the perfect shot, flipping up into the air, but it’s sailing right toward the goalie’s open hand.
The next three seconds are a comedy of errors.
The puck hits his glove, but he loses his balance and goes down on his side.
He tries valiantly to keep the puck from falling backwards with him, but it’s too late.
It hits the net behind him and gives us the goal we need to win the game as the final buzzer sounds.
It isn’t pretty, but I played better tonight than I have since the beginning of the season, so I’ll take it.
Coach joins us in the locker room and gives us a way to go, guys, but you can play cleaner speech. We shower and change into our street clothes, the buoyant mood slightly tempered.
As we’re climbing onto the bus, Coach gives me a chin dip. “Good work out there tonight, Meyers. I know you’ve been putting in the time this season, and the extra effort is paying off. You almost had that goal.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
I slide into the seat next to Gage who’s frowning at his screen. It seems to be a common theme these days.
“What’s going on?”
“Something with my sister’s bestie. She’s having roommate problems this semester.”
“They’re both in res, right?”
“Yeah. My sister has a private room, but I guess her bestie has this roommate who is up all hours of the night and has some…weird habits.”
“What kind of weird habits?”
“Apparently she likes to be naked a lot.”
“Like full birthday suit?”
“Or close? I guess yesterday she came home from class and her roommate was sitting in her computer chair wearing only a crop top.”
“No underwear?”
“Evidently.”
“That’s uh…wow.”
“Yeah. So I guess she slept on my sister’s floor on a yoga mat, which is fine for a night, but not ideal for the next month and change. They're trying to figure out a solution.” He slides his phone back in his pocket as we arrive at the hotel.
Food is waiting for us in the lobby. We opt to take ours up to our room because Brody is people’d out, and tonight wasn’t his best game. I get it.
“So what’s going on with you and Fee?” Chase asks once we’re congregated in his and Brody’s room. “And don’t say nothing, because my girlfriend already spilled the tea.”
“Why are you asking if you already know?”
Chase folds a slice of pizza in half and takes a huge bite. “Because I want your side of the story.”
I sigh and explain what happened.
“Why hide that you’d applied to those programs when you’d eventually have to fess up?” Brody asks.
“You’ve all seen me on the ice this season. Even Alex Waters knows I suck a bag of D.” Obviously talking about this puts me in a mood. Especially since I know I fucked up royally.
“You were solid out there tonight,” Gage reminds me.
“And your stats are almost where they were last season again,” Brody adds.
“So what’s the real reason you didn’t tell her?” Chase presses.
“I don’t know.” But I do know. “I didn’t want to screw with the good thing we had going.” It’s more than that, though.
“How’s that working out for you?” Chase asks.
I consider flipping him the bird, but Cammie and Fee are besties, and he might have intel. “Cammie say anything about Fee and how she’s doing?”
“You should call her and find out yourself,” Gage suggests.
“She asked for space. What if she doesn’t want to hear from me?” I retort.
“Asking for space doesn’t equal zero communication.
You’re the one who kept secrets, man. You have to do the work to earn her trust back.
” Gage hula-hoops a friendship bracelet on his finger.
“Fee’s like super chill but, dude, she lost her parents in a horribly tragic way.
They didn’t get a divorce or move to another country.
They’re gone. She didn’t get to say goodbye to them.
Not telling her you might disappear for a few months is kind of a big deal, especially since we’re graduating this year and any of us could also get called up.
” Once again, Gage surprises me with his insightfulness.
“At first, I honestly didn’t think it was worth saying something because I didn’t believe I had a chance,” I admit.
“But you turned a corner weeks ago, so that excuse doesn’t hold any water.”
I let my head fall back. “I didn’t want to upset her or for it to cause a fight. Or worse, for her to decide she doesn’t want to do the long-distance thing with me.”
“You gotta see how that wasn’t your best choice,” Chase’s tone is full of empathy.
“Yeah, I see that.” But not until it was too late to undo the damage.
My parents used to get into it with each other and it always resulted in these all-out shouting matches, followed by slamming doors and angry silence for days.
This feels like a gentler echo of that. I caused this because I was afraid to repeat history and disappoint my girlfriend.
“She needs time to digest this and then you talk through what you both want. We can all see you’re super into each other, Mac.
You can’t promise her it’ll be easy, or predict how the future will play out, but Fee might need some reassurance from you about what you want, or where you see this going with her,” Chase says.
“Maybe she believes you won’t want to try the long-distance thing. ”
“I didn’t want to put too much pressure on her or us, but I’d want to try to make it work, even if we’re apart for a few months, or we have to do the long-distance thing for a while.”
“So make sure she knows that." Brody nods to the phone sitting on the floor by my leg.
“I'll be back.” I grab my phone and hop to my feet, crossing to the adjoining room I share with Gage, and pull the door closed behind me.
I’ve been floundering the last couple of days. Being single might mean I only have to worry about myself and my teammates, but I miss having my person.
Mac
Thinking about you.
How are things?
I flop down on my bed and wait, grateful when she responds almost right away.
Fee
I’ve been thinking about you, too.
And things are okay.
How are you?
Cammie said you won the game.
Mac
The game was good.
Is it okay that I’m messaging you? I want to honor your request for space, but I hope it’s alright for me to check in.
Fee
It's okay. Thanks for checking on me.
Mac
Can we video chat?
This time it takes longer for her to reply, the dots appearing and disappearing a few times before a message finally pops up.
Fee
I’m at my sister’s and I’m currently snuggling with my niece.
Mac
Want me to message you later?
Fee
I can thumb-type one-handed like a pro.
I switch gears, since pouring my heart out seems like something I’d rather do face-to-face.
Mac
How are you feeling about the art show this week?
Fee
Excited. Nervous. It's been cool merging my styles. Plus, it’s different when it’s in a gallery surrounded by other amazing art, and not just a random poster in a hallway. So yeah, a little scared, but mostly good feelings about it.
Fee posted on her secret account that she’ll be at an art show on campus for anyone who wanted to come out and support her. It flooded with comments from fans.
Mac
People are really excited to meet you in person. So many amazing opportunities are headed your way.
Fee
This feels better than the space I’ve given her, and I can’t fix it if we don’t talk, so I take the risk.
Mac
Can I see you when I get home? So we can talk?
There’s another long pause and I resist the urge to spill my guts with my fingers.
Fee
After my art show? I want to be clearheaded and not a bag of nerves.
My stomach sinks, but I’ll take a win where I can. She said yes, even if I have to wait a few days.
Mac
Of course, I totally understand.
Fee
Thanks for being patient. I caught part of the game earlier, btw. You looked really good out there.
Mac
Thanks. I’m definitely playing better, even if that win wasn’t a pretty one.
Fee
They can’t all be smooth.
Mac
I miss you.
Fee
I miss you, too.
Ariel is asking for a snack, so I have to go, but message me tomorrow?
Mac
For sure. Night, Fee.
Fee
Night.
It’s a step in the right direction, and I’ll take it.