Chapter Eight #2
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back. I have no right to promise this child anything, and who knows, maybe she will never come back here.
That’s a lie. I know for a fact this won’t be the only time I hang out with them, and next time, I’ll make sure to have all the yard toys that they could possibly want.
I mean, I won’t go overboard, but they are kids. Surely they need something to do while the adults talk.
“Promise?” she asks quietly.
“Promise.”
Before I can ask her if there’s anything else that she specifically wants, I hear a door open and close. Turning, I watch as Jane and Tanner walk across our yards, side by side.
“Hey, bud,” I tell him, standing up.
Tanner looks at me with suspicion but nods.
Alrighty then, I guess it’s like that. As much as it stings, I don’t take it personally. The kid has been through a lot, and he doesn’t know me from Adam.
“Who wants a burger and who wants a brat?” I ask.
“Brat,” Emily cheers.
“Good choice.” I wink at the little girl, making her giggle. I turn back to her brother. “Tanner?”
“Brat,” he says quietly.
“Tanner,” Jane hisses.
“Please. Brat, please,” he corrects himself.
I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing. The poor kid looks mortified to be corrected on manners in front of me.
“What about you, Jane?” I ask, looking at her.
“Whatever you don’t want works for me. I just appreciate you doing this,” she says as she wrings her hands together.
“Hey, we all have to eat, right? Now, how about you two sit down?” I tell her. “I have some camping chairs next to the house.”
Tanner and Jane go and grab two of my camping chairs before setting them up near Emily.
I force myself to open the grill and put all the food on it as they take seats.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Jane asks.
“I’m good. Just relax, Mama,” I tell her.
I can’t help but admire the way her cheeks turn a little pink at my choice of words.
I wonder…
I shake my head before my thoughts can derail. This sure as hell isn’t the time or place. I don’t need to be picturing her naked with her kids right here.
Clearing my throat, my eyes bounce between Emily and Tanner. “So how is school going?”
Emily launches into how much she loves school, how nice her teacher is, and how she is best friends with a boy.
“You can’t be friends with a boy, Emily,” Tanner tells her, frowning.
“Yes, I can. He’s nice and likes to play house with me,” Emily tells him.
Jane pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs, while I have to stop myself from laughing. I want to tell Tanner he’s not wrong, but they are little enough that right now it doesn’t matter. It’s all innocent fun.
“What about you, Tanner? How’s school? Are you making friends?” I ask.
As the night progresses, the more Tanner and Jane relax, and the goofier Emily becomes. I fucking love it. Something about it feels right. Like we’ve been doing this for years, instead of it being the first time I’ve done more than see them for a couple of minutes.
Emily and Tanner run around the yard as Jane and I chat softly about nothing important, but it feels like everything.
Then it happens. Something that changes the whole evening. Emily runs up onto the deck and knocks over a planter that was sitting on the railing. It falls to the ground, breaking.
Both kids stop, looking at me with fear in their eyes. I smile before looking at Jane to make a joke about it, but she is also frozen.
This is the trauma. Whatever happened before me made them think I would react poorly to this.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Mac,” Emily says, her eyes tearing up.
Slowly, I stand. “It’s okay, Emily. It was an accident. Come here.”
I open my arms to her, but my eyes are on Jane. She is swallowing hard as she watches.
When Emily runs into my arms, Jane jumps up, but I have Emily picked up in my arms, consoling her before Jane can do anything.
“It’s fine, baby girl. I didn’t even like the thing. Pretty sure whatever was supposed to grow in it has long been dead. Kelly really shouldn’t have gifted me a plant as a housewarming gift,” I tell her, holding her head to my shoulder.
“You aren’t mad?” she asks.
“No way. How could I be mad at you?” I ask.
Her tears dry up as she smiles.
“I’ll clean it up.”
I snort. “No, you won’t. Those pieces are going to be sharp. I will clean it up while you and your brother play tag over there. Go on now,” I tell her, letting her feet hit the ground.
Tanner looks at me fearfully, but follows Emily. Then I turn to Jane.
“I won’t hurt them,” I whisper.
She nods, but the tears are there. I pull her into my arms, much like I did for her daughter. I let her sob into my chest until she is able to get herself together.
“They have never had that,” she admits.
“They do now. I’m going to clean that up so no one gets hurt. Will you be okay?”
“Yes.”
The rest of the evening goes smoothly. The little hiccup seems to have made the kids even more comfortable with me, like I passed some sort of test. Jane remained subdued, though. I hate it, but let her process whatever she needs.
Then all too soon, I watch them walk back across the yard and head into their house to get ready for bed. It takes me a few minutes to clean up, and when I step back inside, the silence hits me like a train.
It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Turning toward the kitchen window, I can’t help but stare at the house next door and wish I were inside with them, even though I know I shouldn’t.
They aren’t mine, I remind myself.
I have no right to be there. None at all. I’m single. I’m meant to be single. Right?