Chapter Seventeen
Mac presses himself over me as I arch up into him.
“I haven’t felt this good in a long time,” I admit to him.
He smiles. “I can make you feel better.”
His lips meet mine, making my head dizzy. I could kiss this man forever. I run my hands up his chest. It feels so good. He feels good.
Something cold on my back has me jerking awake.
I look up to find Emily above me, dripping wet.
“Sorry, Mommy. I only wanted to sit with you,” she tells me as she takes the seat next to me on the blanket I had laid out.
“Of course. Come on,” I tell her as I sit up and watch Tanner and Mac working on something in the sand.
“What are they doing?” I ask.
“Making my kingdom,” she says so simply.
I laugh as I shake my head. “Shouldn’t you be helping?”
“I was, but I got tired, so Mac said queens lay in the sun like you,” she tells me.
I melt at that. I know he is likely playing into her fantasy of being a queen, but I kind of like being called a queen too.
His queen.
The thought hits me suddenly. My dreams are starting to play with my head. I didn’t think I would ever be able to think about a man the way I do Mac ever again, but here I am, fantasizing about him while sleeping on a beach as he plays with my children.
It feels so surreal.
“Do you want some water?” I ask Emily.
“I’m hungry,” she whispers.
“Let’s get you some food then,” I tell her.
She smiles as we stand. I take her hand and walk closer to the boys.
“Can we get back on to get food?” I ask Mac.
He sits up, his body all sweaty as it glistens in the sun. I swear I am drooling looking at his sun-kissed skin. He smiles, flicking his hair back.
“Of course. We will all take a break. I grabbed some Pub subs for us.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask.
He laughs. “Publix subs. They are the best. Come on, munchkin. Climb on,” he tells Emily, turning so she can climb on his back. She giggles as she does.
“We shall get the queen to her castle,” he says, carrying her through the water.
I walk behind them, the water coming up to my hips as he helps her aboard the boat. When he turns and sees me, he smiles.
“Let’s get you up there next.”
I feel a little self-conscious climbing the ladder with him right there, but I manage not to hurt myself as I climb on. Tanner is next, coming to stand beside me as I hand him a towel. Mac is the last to board.
“Is our stuff okay out there?” I ask, indicating the stuff I left on the sand.
“Yeah, no one will mess with it,” he tells me, looking at the scattered groups of people on the sandbar.
“How did you know where this place was?” Tanner asks Mac as he starts to pull out the subs he mentioned.
“A few buddies and I come out here for the major holidays. It’s much more packed then,” he tells him.
“Can we come back then?” Tanner asks.
Mac glances at me. “Yeah, if your mom wants to.”
Tanner nods, going to take a seat next to Emily, who is in her own little world.
“I have turkey and cheese, Italian, chicken tender, and ultimate,” he says.
“Emily will want the turkey and Tanner the chicken tender,” I tell him.
“What do you want? They are all twelve inches, so we can mix and match,” he says as he looks at me.
I smile. “The Italian sounds good.”
He nods, making the plates. I’m surprised when he turns around with half a sandwich, chips, fruit, and veggies on a plate. He hands it to Emily.
“Remember, queens eat their fruits and veggies.”
She nods, picking up a carrot, crunching on it.
He does the same, handing it to Tanner.
“Mom should get served first,” he tells Mac.
“You’re right. Here you go, Mama.” Mac hands me my plate.
“Thank you,” I tell him, taking a seat before I take a bite of my food.
Mac sits next to me, eating his sub in like five bites. Then he demolishes half a bag of chips, a bowl of fruit, and a lot of vegetables.
“Were you hungry?” I joke, taking my time eating my food.
“I’m a growing man. I need more calories than most.”
I bite my lip, wondering exactly what he could do with all those calories.
He leans closer, whispering into my ear. “Keep looking at me like that and I’ll be fueling up for something a bit more naughty.”
I swallow hard, turning away from him as I feel my cheeks heat. I can only hope he thinks it’s a sunburn.
“This is good, Mac. I want more,” Emily says, holding out her plate.
“You want more sub or the other stuff?” he asks.
“Sub, please,” she says.
I watch as he takes care of my girl. It’s disarming how he can go from flirting with me to taking care of my kids as if they are his own.
I like it far too much. I’m worried that this is all some trauma-bonded shit and that he will disappear one day.
I don’t know if I could handle that. I have come to depend on him in ways I never imagined depending on another person.
Evan was always about control. He provided shelter, food, and money, but he never fed our souls. He made us afraid to breathe easily in our own home.
In contrast, Mac has only known us for a couple of months, and I already feel like myself with him. I don’t feel like I have to play a part or be a certain way. He likes me for who I am. He loves the kids, quirks and all. He doesn’t get mad at them. He leans into them and takes care of them.
Is this how it could have been all along? If I had met Mac instead of Evan, is this the life we could have had?
I know there is no point in thinking about what could have happened if things were different, but I can’t help it.
I might not be able to change the past, but I can make changes to my future. I only hope Mac is okay with being front and center in my plans.
The ride back is a bit rougher than the ride out. I have Tanner and Emily in my captain’s seat, holding one another. Jane stands next to me, her body tense. I don’t like knowing she is worried.
I reach over, grabbing her hand. She takes it, giving me a smile. I like that she feels comfortable enough to accept me in front of the kids. I know it is a delicate situation, but she is allowing it to happen.
I think she feels where this is going like I do. We are letting the pace set itself, but I feel like we are inevitable, that they are already mine.
When we get back to the dock, I turn to her.
“I’m sorry. We should have left sooner, but the kids were having so much fun.”
“It’s okay. We aren’t used to boats. It wasn’t something we were allowed to do,” she tells me.
I cup her cheek. “We can go out anytime you want. I can even teach Tanner to fish next summer. Red snapper season is a big thing here.”
“If he wants to go, I would love that.”
I pull back from her and look at the kids. They are both sleepy.
“Okay, I will go get the truck and back it in. I will need you to pull it up once I get the boat on. Do you think you can do it?” I ask her.
“I think so.”
I nod. “Good.”
It doesn’t take us long to get the boat loaded. Jane did an amazing job helping me. Once the kids are loaded in their seats, they each fall asleep.
“I think we wore them out,” I tell her as we start the drive back to the house.
“They had a blast. Thank you for taking us.”
Reaching across, I grab her hand. “I hope you know I would spend every bit of my free time with all of you if I could…if you would let me.”
She smiles. “I mean, the kids do want to go to the fair in two weeks. I said no because of the crowds, but maybe you want to take us?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “I will get us tickets. Do they like rides? I will get wristbands too. They have music as well. We can check out the lineup. We can go every day if you want.”
She laughs. “They still have school, but yeah, let’s take a look at what they have going on.”
I like that we are making plans for the future together. I love that her hand is still in mine. When we pull up to the house, she smiles.
“I have to get them washed up and ready for bed, but we had a great time,” she whispers to me.
Leaning over the center console, I take her cheek in my hand and press a kiss to her lips.
“It was the best day of my life,” I tell her honestly.
Then I pull away, getting out of the truck. I help her get the kids into the house and leave her to her routines as I head next door.
There is no sleep for me, though. No, all I can think about is the way she tastes on my lips. Or the way she wore the most simple bathing suit, yet looked like a damn model.
I had pushed the thoughts down all day, but now that I am alone in my own home, I let them run through my head.
Every touch. Every look. Everything about her.
Stripping, I step into the shower. I don’t hesitate.
My cock is hard and throbbing. Slowly, I start to stroke it as I imagine Jane here with me.
She would push me against the wall, kissing me passionately.
I would grip her hips, picking her up until she wraps those long legs around my waist. Then I would spin us until her back is against the wall.
I would kiss and nip every inch of her body until she was begging for me.
I wouldn’t let her think I want to do anything but worship her.
Then I would drop to my knees and show her how a real man shows his woman he loves her.
My cock is twitching in my hand as I imagine how sweet she would taste. I can’t wait until I get the chance. Not if, but when, because there is one thing I’m certain of. Jane likes me, which means I will make her mine. I won’t own her, though. No, that is not what I want.
I want her to own me. Heart and soul. She is my reason for breathing.
I spill my release against the shower wall as I imagine telling her I love her. The way her eyes would light up. How she would say the words back.
I lean against the wall, catching my breath.
It’s too soon. I can’t tell her that now. She would run. Still, one day she will be ready. She will want to hear those words, and better yet, she will feel them.
She will agree to be mine, and in time, I will adopt Emily and Tanner so they really are my children.
The blood in their veins won’t matter. All that will matter is that I will be the father they deserve.
I will help guide them into adulthood. I will be their shoulder to cry on or the ear they go to when they need advice. I will protect and honor them.
Jane will be the center of my world. She will be the love of my life. I will do everything I can to prove to her each and every day that she is worthy of it too, that she doesn’t need to ever fear me. That she can be herself around me.
I will give them the life they should have had from the beginning. The one that they were deprived of.
Never again.
My family will always have everything, or I will die trying to give it to them.
There is no alternative.