14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Finley
The creak of the front door opening sends Lou into overdrive. Shit, shit, shit . I freeze while she digs around the pillows for her nightshirt.
“Act normal,” she says in a whisper.
“Normal?”
“Lou?” Mel’s voice and a knock sound at the bedroom door. “You awake?”
“Y-yeah.”
“Can we come in?”
We?
“Put on your swim trunks.” Lou throws on her tee and hop-walks to me, pointing to the outdoor shower where I left my swimsuit. “They’ll have no idea.”
I shake my head at her, panic climbing up my throat. No, I’m not ready. I look at the bathroom, wondering if I could get away with hiding in there.
Two more polite knocks sound at the door before my best friend’s face appears at the entrance.
“Hey,” he says, looking me up and down as I reach too late for a towel to cover myself. The towel doesn’t make a difference—nothing can hide that I am very obviously naked in Luna’s room.
“Uh.” Aaron chuckles, devoid of humor. “What the fuck’s going on?”
The entrance opens all the way, revealing Mel. Her eyes go wide and both her hands fly to her mouth. “Ohmygod.”
“This isn’t what it looks like,” I say in a rush, clutching the fabric tighter around my body. Somehow, I still feel nude.
“I mean, what does it look like?” Aaron asks. “’Cause I know what I think it looks like.”
“You two are sleeping together?” Mel blurts out.
“No.” I can’t respond fast enough. “I rinsed off and came in here to check on Lou. That’s all.”
“The rest of the family stopped by the buffet for lunch, but Mel and I wanted to check on Lou too. And when we get here, you’re not wearing anything in my sister’s room.” Aaron surveys the space, his eyes catching on the outdoor shower where both our swimsuits sit in a lifeless pile. “Dude.” He stares at me, his expression laced with disappointment and hurt. “Why are you lying to me?”
“I—” My response gets lodged in my throat as I’m reminded why getting involved with Luna was such a dangerous decision from the start.
“What about the girl?” He snaps his fingers a couple times like he’s trying to remember her name—a name I never gave him. “Mystery woman. The one you like a lot.”
Lou raises a timid hand. “That’s me.”
“You’re dating Tanner.” Aaron turns back to Mel. “She’s with Tanner.”
“Tanner and I broke up. A while ago.”
“What? So you two are fooling around?” Aaron points at us. “Is this a rebound thing? And you’re supposed to be resting and elevating your foot,” he says, scolding Lou. “How long has this been going on?”
“Babe.” Mel loops an arm through Aaron’s elbow. “They might not be ready to talk about it yet, but they’re both adults and—”
“I can’t believe you’ve been sneaking around like this, man.”
“What I told you the other afternoon at the field is all true,” I say. “What’s happening with me and Luna is new.”
Aaron scoffs. “That’s code for ‘We’re casually boning and wouldn’t have mentioned anything if we hadn’t gotten caught.’”
“So what?” Lou says with an edge to her voice. “Mel’s right. I’m an adult. Whether we’re serious or casually boning, it’s none of your business.”
“I refuse to talk about casual boning with you,” he says to his sister.
“Is this really so awful?” Mel asks him, and I appreciate her effort to calm him down. “You say I read too many romance books, but I mean, your best friend and your little sister? It’s cool, if you ask me.”
“Yeah, real cool until they break up or get in a fight, and then hanging out with one or the other is super uncomfortable.”
“So, this is about you and your comfort?” I ask, a fire growing inside me.
“No, this is about my sister, whose track record of boyfriends has been a bunch of arrogant assholes who are nothing like my best friend. Sorry if I don’t think you’re her type.”
His comment picks at the scab covering my insecurities, and I lash out at him. “The way you’re acting is why we decided not to tell you right away.”
“Oh, and how am I acting?”
“Like a total piece of shit.”
“Nice,” he says with a nod. “Okay, I’m gonna go before I say something I regret.”
“Aaron, I—”
“Nope, all good, man. Have fun, you two.”
My closest friend in the world walks out, and the room feels smaller, like it’s closing in on me.
“Sorry,” Mel says, her eyes dancing between the two of us. “He needs a minute, that’s all. I’ll talk to him.”
Once she’s gone, I let out an exhale. Aaron and I never fight. We have disagreements here and there, but nothing like this, with name-calling and storming out. These are the kinds of interactions I’m used to with Blake, not my best friend.
“That went terribly. Fuck.” I run a hand down my face. “I need to apologize.”
“Apologize?” Lou lets out a halfhearted laugh. “He was acting shitty. If anyone should say sorry, it’s him.”
“I didn’t want them to find out like this.”
Lou looks up, her eyes wide and wounded. “You act like this is the end of the world.”
“No, but this was not what I’d had in mind. He needed more time to process. Your whole family will.”
“What they think doesn’t matter. This is you and me.”
“It’s not, though.”
“It is.” She throws her hands up in the air. “You joke that I’m the one wanting to keep you as some dirty little secret, but that’s what you want, not me.”
“That’s not true.”
“I’ve been vulnerable, intimate with you, in a way I…I haven’t been with anyone else, ever. You get me to bring my guard down and then—” Her eyes turn glossy with unshed tears, so she reaches up and swipes them away. “I just thought you liked me. Liked all of me.”
“I do, Lou. I do.” Sitting next to her, I rest a hand on her thigh. The sight of Lou crying guts me. “But we knew going into this a relationship would have complications with your family and all.”
“How can you say this? You’re the one telling me to focus on what I want, not what anyone else wants.”
“You’ve been born into this built-in support system.” My voice rises in frustration. “They love you no matter what.”
“And they love you no matter what.”
“It’s different for me.”
“What are you afraid of?” She rests her hand on mine. “Be honest.”
I lean forward, elbows on my knees and head in my hands. “Your parents, your brother, everyone. They’re a family I didn’t even realize I needed.” I think back to that introverted little kid who had no friends, the one who spent nights in bed unable to sleep because of the danger lurking in his own home. “I can’t lose them, and I’d rather not complicate things with them.”
“But you’re losing me . You’re complicating things with me .”
“And that was a mistake. We never should have done this.” My reply lands like shattered glass, and I want to shove each word back in my mouth and chew them down. “That came out wrong.”
She pulls her hand back to her lap, slow and measured. “A mistake.”
“That’s not what I—”
“No, you’re right. If being with me is too difficult because of my family, that doesn’t work for either of us.”
I link one of her hands in mine, grasping at any shred of connection. “Can we please start this conversation over?”
“If losing them scares you that much, there’s nothing you or I can do. And I won’t sit here and try to work miracles to convince you to be with me.”
“You don’t need to.”
“My brother was a dick just now, insulting you and me, and the first thing you care about is apologizing to him,” she says, more tears pooling in her eyes. “Not to mention, you flat-out denied we were sleeping together. Make this make sense.”
“I called him a piece of shit.”
“Yeah, and he deserved it.”
“You’re making it seem like I have to choose between him or you.” I run a frantic hand through my hair. I can still fix this. “Please, Lou, if you—I’ll go, I’ll tell your brother I’m sorry, and we can talk more about this, okay?”
“No.”
The refusal is a knife to the chest. I’m giving her all I can, and it’s not enough.
I’m not enough. Not enough to reassure her, not enough to figure my shit out and give her what she wants.
“You’re right.” She sniffles and wipes under her eyes. “This is different for me than it is for you, and I’m asking too much of you. We can…I guess chalk this up to a vacation fling. Move on. Never talk about it again.”
“That’s not what you want.”
“No. But you clearly don’t know what you want.”
I search her face. Fuck, I hate how she won’t make eye contact with me for longer than two milliseconds, almost as much as I hate how hard she’s trying not to cry. Already, she’s putting her walls back up.
After a moment’s silence, she says, “You should go get food with everyone. I know they’re very important to you.”
“Lou.”
“I’m fine.” Her gaze travels up my body. She looks full of regret, almost angry at herself. “This sucks.”
“Yeah.”
She nods her head toward the outdoor shower while pulling her knees into her chest, hugging them. “Don’t forget your swim trunks.”
Wet, lifeless swimsuit in hand, I turn to Lou curled up on the bed. “Can I get you anything?”
“Please, just go.”
As I leave, my feet feel heavy as lead, and I close her door behind me.