15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Luna
I spend our last day in the Maldives miserable in bed, blaming my lack of energy on the fall. Truthfully, my turned ankle didn’t give me too much trouble. Rolling my foot around, some of the smaller, lesser-used muscle groups burned, but nothing debilitating. Even with my injury on the mend, though, I’ve had zero desire to socialize with anyone, especially Aaron and Finn.
I should go all out tonight. We have the surprise meal we planned for my parents, and I want to make an effort by putting on a happy, put-together face. We’ll have photos from our final night to look back on for years to come. Plus, showing up to the restaurant looking like a total babe would remind Finn what he’s missing. But I can’t muster any enthusiasm and keep things simple by throwing on a dress, whisking my hair up in a clip, and nothing more.
He hasn’t shown up yet when the rest of us convene at the restaurant’s host stand. We’re underground and peering into the dining area, a striking room bathed in blue with a clear arched roof. Aaron’s purposefully ignoring me, but at least he’s quiet. He also looks disheveled, with dark bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t gotten any relaxation during this vacation, and I suppress a laugh. If last night caused him to lose sleep, then he’s being a total drama queen.
“How’s your ankle, sweetie?” My mom rubs my arm like I’m made of glass.
“Fine.”
“I’ve got some ibuprofen if you need more,” Cass offers, her voice sounding more tender than usual. Under normal circumstances, I might find her generosity sweet, but I see what she and Mom are up to. They heard about yesterday, and they’ve been treating me with kid gloves all day—checking on me every hour, telling me they’re there to talk, and tip-toeing around me.
“It’s seven of you, correct?” the host asks us.
“Yes,” my dad says with a terse nod.
“What about Finn?” The question comes out before I remember I’m mad at him and his whereabouts don’t matter to me.
“Um.” Mel looks to Aaron, then to me, linking an arm through mine as the host leads us to our seats. “We weren’t sure when to tell you, but Finn had to leave this morning.”
“He left ?” We didn’t end things on great terms, but we hadn’t reached the point where either of us needed to change our flights over what happened.
“Not because of—” Mel catches herself. “He’d gotten a message from Blake, so he flew back to Chicago a day early.”
We reach the dining table, but I’m too distracted by the news to enjoy the schools of fish and other sea life swimming around us.
“His brother’s trying to start something,” I say. “He’s messaged Finn this whole trip. Blake’s mad that he’s here with us and all he wants to do is manipulate Finn into going home. Which he accomplished.”
“We looked into it,” Aaron says, meeting my eyes for the first time since yesterday. “Seems legit.”
“Finn got a troublesome message about his mother,” my dad says. “He decided it was best to get back to Chicago earlier.”
“Oh.” I steady my voice. “I-Is everything okay?”
“His mom went into surgery,” Mel says. “Your brother and I stayed up the whole night figuring out which hospital because, as you can imagine, Blake didn’t share many details.”
A text that read Hope you’re enjoying your vacation bc mom’s in the hospital wondering why her youngest son hasn’t shown up, you worthless piece of shit gave them the only clue to figure out whether Blake was bluffing. No mention of which hospital or what she needed treatment for. Finn spent most of the night with my brother and Mel, calling hospitals in the Greater Chicago Area. They located her, but couldn’t get much information on her condition.
Finn. He and his mom don’t have the best relationship, but if he had to move up his return flight, something serious must have happened.
“He took the seaplane out this morning,” my mom explains, “and he’ll land back in O’Hare—what was it, in the middle of the night, our time?”
My heart pricks at the thought of Finn traveling for twenty-plus hours alone and worried about his mom. At least Aaron sucked down his pride to help Finn—that’s what friends do. That’s what our family does. But why didn’t Finn say something to me? Message me? Ask me to stay up all night helping him?
Because I would have. I would have set everything from yesterday aside and helped him because…
Well, because I love him.
He’s oceans away and won’t get my text until he lands, but I send one at the table anyway while everyone orders drinks.
My family just told me what happened. I’m so sorry. Here for you. Please let me know what I can do. I also type out the words I miss you , but delete them, thinking better of it.
Me missing Finn changes nothing. I can love him and miss him all I want, and that won’t change how he feels. Getting involved with me is messy, complicated—and that’s not what he wants. I’m not what he wants. My past has repeated itself. When starting my relationship with Tanner, he told me loud and clear that he didn’t want to date. Finn did the same thing and I’m living a replay of my mistakes, except worse, because I’ll have to see my brother’s best friend at almost every family function until the day I die.
I wish he were here, though. The whole afternoon, I’d longed for him by my side. I wanted to laugh over lunch with him, wanted to walk by the field on the way to the library and watch his lithe body move as he played soccer, and wanted to just be around him. No talking necessary, if he didn’t want to. I could sit on the couch with him and it would be perfect.
After we order, my dad holds his glass up to the table. “Thank you for joining me out here. And for this meal. You’re all good kids. Your mom and I appreciated your support while I went through chemo.”
“Dad,” Cass says. “We were happy to.”
“I know, and that’s, well, that’s what made it important to me to celebrate in a big way. You all took care of things when your mother and I needed help most, even when I didn’t want you to see me like that. Weak and vulnerable. Part of me wanted to hide away, go handle everything on my own.”
I shrink in my seat because I’m familiar with that urge all too well. My stomach stirs with a wave of nausea knowing my dad struggles with those same kinds of feelings.
“But you kids, and Finn included, you fought for me. You didn’t make me do this thing alone, no matter how big a fuss I made. And I…” He coughs down a sob. “I love you very much for that. Having a health scare, it really put things in perspective. It highlighted what’s important. And time with all of you, well, that’s what matters.”
We all tap glasses, and I muster putting a smile on my face. I need every ounce of energy to sit through the meal, taking part with polite nods and avoiding the empty chair at the end of the table. Aaron and Mel talk about a humanitarian group they’re considering working with, and Cass and Carmen discuss their parental leave plans and tell my parents about the doula they found.
“And what about our graphic designing businesswoman extraordinaire?” my mom asks.
I’m fine. That’s how I’d like to respond. My siblings have finished regaling the table about their amazing lives, and I’m happy for them. I am. This is our last dinner together in the Maldives, and I shouldn’t rock the boat or bring the mood down.
A sea turtle gliding overhead distracts me, pulling me back to my time snorkeling with Finn. How was that glorious, peaceful day only one week ago? If I close my eyes, I can feel Finn’s hand in mine and see that broad, lopsided smile of his.
“LouLou?” my mom asks again.
The thought of faking happiness, of trying to be flawless in every way right now and hiding what’s going on beneath the surface…I can’t do it.
“I’m in love with Finn,” I blurt out. My confession prompts a gasp from Mel, a cough from Aaron, who probably choked on his food, and an uncomfortable giggle from Carmen. Everyone else pauses—mid-bite, mid-sip, or mid-cutting-their-steak.
“I’m so confused,” Carmen says.
My brother takes a sip of water. “In love?”
“Oh, LouLou,” my mom says, her expression indecipherable.
“Back it up,” Cass says. “Will you tell us what happened with Tanner?”
“Right. So, um, Tanner and I—Well, I’m guessing someone told you about yesterday, based on how everyone’s been treating me.” I scan the rest of the table, and Mel blushes. She mouths a Sorry before I go on. “He and I haven’t been together since January. I understand you all liked him, but—”
Mel snorts, which turns into her clearing her throat.
“You two are done?” Carmen asks.
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank the sweet baby Jesus,” Cass says, downing the rest of her wine.
“He wasn’t exactly the most faithful.”
Carmen frowns. “Good riddance.”
“Aw, Lou,” Mel says. “You okay?”
I nod, appreciating the inquiry. “Yeah. I’m over him. Promise.”
My dad’s face, however, has fallen, and disappointment is carved into every corner of his expression.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. “And while we’re at it, I might not be cut out for running a business. I want to, and I made some changes to my pricing structure a couple days ago, but I haven’t been much of a businesswoman extraordinaire lately. Just a struggling graphic designer who doesn’t have enough time in the day.”
“Wait, you love Finn ?” my brother asks.
“Yes.”
“You love Finn?” he asks again.
“Are you listening to me? Yes, I love Finn.”
“I told you,” Melissa mutters to him.
“Is he aware of this?” Aaron asks.
“Not quite in those terms, no,” I say. “But I think he has a good guess.”
Everyone’s staring at me, wide-eyed and obviously shaken by the bombs I just dropped. I can’t recover from this. The desire to say Kidding! Everything with me’s great, pass the salt, please overwhelms me. What was I thinking, confessing to this? And on our last night as well?
“I’m full,” I say, standing up so fast I knock my fork to the ground. “I should go. Sorry, I’m just really, really sorry.”
I exit the dining room and take the stairs back up to the surface, burning with humiliation despite the cool ocean breeze.