Chapter 18 Antonia #2
Brendan was in the kitchen doing the dishes when I walked in. I poured myself another glass of wine and sipped slowly. “You don’t have to do those.”
“I figured if they were done, you could come back to the bed-and-breakfast with me.”
“You know I can’t.”
“No, I don’t know that you can’t.” He shut the water off and dried his hands. “Miriam’s going to bed. Nova’s at a friend’s house. Cutter’s going out. What on earth would keep you here?”
“They keep me here,” I told him. “Something could happen. The kids could need me.”
“Nothing’s going to happen.” Brendan placed his hands on the counter, one on each side of me. “Come back with me.”
I shook my head. “You’re going to have to get used to this.”
“Used to what?”
“Us, with kids.”
He stood straight up. “What are you talking about?”
“The kids aren’t going anywhere, Brendan. I’m their guardian.”
He took a step back and then another. “Wow . . . um, I’m not sure what to say.” He ran a hand through his hair and blew out his breath.
“There’s nothing to say,” I told him. “I’m not letting some strangers raise my best friend’s kids.”
“They have other family, Toni.”
“No, they don’t. You know this. Other than my parents and siblings, I’m their family.” I pointed to my chest and strained to keep my voice low.
“So, what? We’re going to completely change our lives to accommodate two kids?”
“Yes, we are.”
Brendan gripped the back of the chair and looked at me. “We never talked about kids, Toni. I thought we were on the same page here with careers, marriage, travel. Kids were never part of the plan.”
“That’s not true, Brendan. Anytime I’ve brought up us having kids, you’ve said soon.
Maybe that’s been your ‘plan,’” I said, adding air quotes for emphasis.
“We have no plan. We’ve been together for what, four years now?
” I held my left hand up. “Do you see a ring here? Are we sharing an address? No, we’re not, so again, I ask what plans? ”
“We talked about taking things slow.”
“When we started dating, Brendan. You move slow then. Not years later.”
“I think it’s a bit irresponsible to tell someone you’re going to take care of their kids.”
I scoffed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
“I don’t want kids, Toni.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you, Brendan.”
He paced while I drank my wine.
“This is stupid to fight over.”
“I agree, but I’m not changing my mind. My best friend is dying; she doesn’t need to worry about where her kids are going. They’re going to me, and that’s final.”
“Fine.”
“Fine, what?”
“We’ll send them to boarding school. It’ll be good for Cutter. He can go to the one I went to. He’ll excel there and will be able to get into Harvard. As for Nova, my mom will know of a good one.”
I stared at him in horror. “You’ve got—”
My soon-to-be diatribe was interrupted when the front door slammed. I walked into the hallway and toward the door in time to see Cutter running down the driveway.
“That’s fucking great,” I muttered as I stomped back to the kitchen.
With my finger raised, I squared up to Brendan.
“No, absolutely not. I am not sending them away to be raised by people who don’t know them.
Nova’s a baby. She needs nurturing. They’re losing their mom, and you think it’s okay to send them away to school because their mother dying isn’t in your plan. ”
He stared.
“That’s your plan, Brendan. Not mine.”
“I don’t want kids, Toni.”
“Then I guess you don’t want me.” I stepped away from him and went to grab my coat. He followed.
“Are you really going to choose them over me?”
“The fact that you’re so in your own head right now and only thinking about yourself should give you the answer. But in case you need a verbal, yes, I am and always will.”
I walked toward the door, opened it, and held it for him to walk in front of me.
“So, this is it?”
“Yeah, it is. I’m sorry, but we don’t want the same things in life.”
“What about your job?”
I scoffed. “I’m pretty damn sure my job is safe, and if it isn’t, you’ll hear from my attorney.”
Brendan stood there for a second, with his coat hanging from his hand and his head shaking. He finally stepped off the porch and walked to his car. I didn’t care if he looked back or regretted what he’d said. I had others to care about now.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that Cutter had heard what Brendan said. Before I left to go look for him, I called his phone and was sent right to voicemail. I sent him a text, letting him know I wanted to talk.
I went back to the kitchen and pulled the contact list from the phone. My first call was to Jayden, asking if Cutter was with him.
“No, ma’am.”
“If you pick him up, please let me know. Okay?” He said he would.
I got in my car and began driving without having a clue as to where I was going. I kept calling Cutter’s phone, but nothing. Up and down the road I went, driving into town and through various neighborhoods.
Two hours later, I pulled into the driveway and resigned myself to waking Miri to tell her I’d lost her son.