35. Linger
THIRTY-FIVE
LINGER
Halle
Don’t get me wrong, I love our holiday get-togethers, they’re one of my favorite traditions among all our families but something always manages to go wrong at Thanksgiving. Four years ago it was the Mel and Abbott dating reveal, the next year our cat jumped on the table, knocking over candles and almost starting a giant fire. The year after that, Mel’s parents announced they were moving to California, and last year, Cade brought one of his short-term girlfriends. I think last year was my least favorite, but at least I know that’s not happening this year. Maybe a good thing will happen for once.
Cade and I walk in the door of my childhood home hand in hand, living a daydream I’ve had hundreds of times. The smells of all my favorite Thanksgiving foods immediately course through my system, and I start walking toward the kitchen, pulling him behind me. My mom is turned away from us, focused on whatever dish she’s whipping up, but Cade’s mom can see us making our way toward them and starts squealing.
“What are you doing on the other side of the counter, get over here and give your mom a hug!”
I let go of Cade’s hand and push him ahead of me, letting him have his moment with his mom first.
“Halle girl,” she calls as Cade pulls out of their hug.
As I get closer to her, I catch her signature vanilla scent that hasn’t changed since we were kids. It’s always been such a comforting scent, even more so when combined with a warm Mama Walsh hug. This time, when we hug, I’m not hit with just this nostalgic feeling, but I also think about the Tobacco Vanille cologne Cade’s always worn. I wonder if he has always liked it so much because of his mom.
“Where’s Melly Bean?” she asks me, peering toward the door to see if we all arrived together. I’ve always thought it was sweet, the way she’s always cared about us girls.
When Cade and I called to tell her we made our relationship official, she had one thing to say. Finally . It’s crazy to think that was a little over a month ago. I’m starting to feel more and more secure in my relationship with Cade, but it’s still so early that my fears of something going wrong haven’t completely gone away yet. The support from his mom makes me feel a million times better though, right now making me extra thankful that we have known each other for so long and are already so close with each other’s families, that we can skip over all the awkward “meet the family” stuff.
“On the way! Her and Abbott had to swing by the airport to pick up Mr. and Mrs. Gray, but they should be here in a few!” I reassure her that they’ll be here for her to squeeze soon.
“Lovely!” She keeps looking back and forth at us, admiringly. “You two are just so cute! Michelle, eyes off the pie, look at our kiddos!” She nags my mom to turn her attention onto us.
“All eyes on the cutie pies!” My mom cheers out as she turns to face me and Cade. She holds her arms out, inviting us in for a cheesy group hug.
“Always good to see you, Mama Cooper.” Cade charms her, grabbing her hand and bringing it to his lips. He’s always had such a great relationship with my mom, and I’m glad he’s still in her good graces after how much of an emotional rollercoaster I’ve been through with him. I think she knows that I was the problem—always getting in my own way, and that Cade wasn’t ever treating me bad.
“We’re hereeeeeeeee!” Abbott makes a loud, grand entrance, snapping everyone’s attention to the newly arriving guests.
Cade grabs onto my hand again and leads me back out of the kitchen and into the more spacious and open living room. Everyone’s moving around, making their way through the necessary greetings, hugs, and catching up. After we’ve chatted with everyone, we plop onto one of the couches together, and I rest my head against his shoulder. Mel and Abbott join us after a few minutes, and Abbott gets locked in on the football playing on the TV.
“You guys have really been together for four years now, huh?” Cade asks Mel. He must have been reminiscing about all the bad Thanksgivings of the past too.
“Yeah.” She smiles softly, but I can’t help but notice that something feels a little off. “It feels like it has and hasn’t been that long all at the same time, I don’t know how to explain it.” She turns to look at Abbott, as if to see if he had anything to add, but he’s sucked into the TV, not paying any attention to our conversation. I don’t want to over analyze this, but I feel like something’s off about their energy right now. I’ve never seen Mel and Abbott like this, especially not at a party.
I nudge Mel’s knee with my own, getting her to make eye contact with me. You okay? I mouth to her, and she immediately nods and puts on a smile. It definitely wasn’t a real Mel smile, but I’ll let it slide until I have a chance to talk to her alone. We start joking around about that fateful Thanksgiving where I got so upset with them, laughing about how far we’ve come since then.
I mean, to go from feeling betrayed by your best friend dating your brother, to sitting next to them with your boyfriend who is also your brother’s best friend, is quite the change. I know our parents all love that our friendships turned into relationships, but I wonder if they thought we’d end up this way all those years ago.
“Just a few more minutes, then we’ll be ready to start getting plates!” My mom calls out to everyone from the kitchen.
“I’m going to load up my plate with soooo much stuffing.”
“That’s so gross, Halle,” Abbott teases me; my love for stuffing has always been something he’s tried to counter. Except, there was something bitter lingering in his tone, making his comment feel meaner than his usual playfulness. What is up with him? And what happened to him not paying attention to our conversations? I think I liked that better.
“Alright, kids first!” My dad calls out. He’s always said this before every holiday dinner, always insisting that the kids get their plates first, the simple words feeling like tradition just as much as the parties themselves.
Abbott jumps up from the couch first, taking off toward the kitchen, leaving us all in the dust. Maybe he’s been hangry all along. Still, I feel a sense of discomfort from Mel as she slowly makes her way behind me and Cade. I rack my brain, trying to think about if there’s anything Mel’s said recently about her and Abbott, but I can’t think of anything bad. They’ve always been a perfect couple, good as gold. Everything’s fine , I tell myself, needing to stop overthinking it, and needing to get over my fear that something bad is bound to happen tonight.
Like I promised, my plate is half stuffing, half everything else crammed together in the small space I left for not-stuffing. Oh, and gravy on everything. It’s the perfect plate. We take the same seats at the table that we’ve always sat in since we were kids. Even though Mel and Abbott are together, and same for me and Cade, we still sit separated, across the table from each other. It’s kind of cute, Mel and I on one side with all our moms, and Cade and Abbott sitting on the other with all our dads.
Growing up, I would hear other kids talking about “the kids table” at family events, but we’ve always sat all together at one big dining table, and I love it that way. I’ve always thought that our families blended together so well and got as close as they did because both Cade and Mel don’t have any siblings, always thinking of me and Abbott as the closest thing.
In cliché fashion, we go around the table, each saying what we’re thankful for this year. Ever since Mel’s parents moved out of state, and all us kids moved out of our childhood homes, it’s been a good way for us all to stay in the know about what’s happening in everyone’s lives. And just like serving up plates, the kids always go first.
“I’ll start,” Cade says every year, without fail. “I’m thankful for the outpour of support this year, and getting to follow my dreams with great people by my side.” He pauses for a moment and kicks my foot under the table, then continues. “Life feels like it’s finally falling into place, exactly as it’s meant to be.” He raises his glass, and we all follow suit.
“My turn,” Abbott mumbles, and clears his throat. “I’m thankful for my health, that my body’s been able to keep up with my sport and my brain’s been able to keep up with school.” He stops there. It felt like he was about to say more, hesitating for a moment, but then he lifts his glass. A very typical Abbott thing to say, but he usually gets a little more emotional with it, and this felt too stiff for him.
“Me next,” I jump in. “I’m feeling so thankful for all the amazing experiences I’ve had this year. How much I’ve been able to learn about myself and grow in my creative outlets. And for all the people I’ve had in my corner, even when things got messy,” I pause to let out a short giggle, “I couldn’t have done it without my best friends.” I look around at Mel, Abbott, and Cade, wanting them all to know I’m talking about them.
“Cheers to that,” Mel agrees. “I’ve had a lot of new opportunities this year to be thankful for. I’m so glad I’ve been able to do more in my role working with the team, really solidifying that it is what I want to do after college. Thanks to all of you for always believing in me, and pushing me to strive for greatness.”
Very short and sweet, very Mel. Her and Abbott usually always mention each other, but neither of them did. I know I said I need to stop thinking about it, but seriously, what is going on? I lock eyes with Cade, trying to gauge if he’s picking up on it too, but he’s just staring back at me and smiling, so I think that’s a no.
“On that note,” Mel’s mom starts, “Jer and I are so thankful to be able to come up and visit to be with our favorite people, especially our Mel. She has made us so proud this year with everything she’s doing. We’re so excited that we’re going to get to see her face so much more this upcoming year when she moves down for her internship in the new year!”
All the parents start celebrating and asking questions, but I’m frozen in place. Internship? Moving? Why didn’t I know about this? My first thought is to turn to Mel, but I let my second thought win, and look to Abbott instead. He doesn’t look shocked, so he definitely knew about this already, but he’s not beaming either. He shakes his head at me, probably asking me to not get upset right now.
I try to start listening to the conversations happening a mile a minute around me, listen to what Mel is saying to everyone, but I can’t focus. I stare down at my plate, but then Cade kicks my feet under the table again. I look up at him, and when I feel tears start welling up in my eyes, I hurriedly scoot my chair out from the table and excuse myself, speeding up to my room as fast as possible. I just need a few seconds alone to think, to regain my composure.
This feels so much like when I found out about Mel and Abbott, but also so different, because this time I know more people are upset than just me. I don’t even want to be upset, this is so good for Mel, I know how hard she’s worked for an opportunity like this. But just like when I found out about her and Abbott, I'm just wishing that I knew. If nobody else knew, it would be a different story, but when it feels like there’s people who have known for a while, it hits different.
I thought we were past hiding things from each other, we learned last time that it will blow up eventually. And, in true Thanksgiving fashion, we got an explosion.