36. Sparks
THIRTY-SIX
SPARKS
Halle
I’ve only been alone in my room for a few minutes before a light knock graces my door.
“Who is it?” I groan out, but I wanted to tell whoever it was to go away.
“It’s just me, Hal.” My brother’s voice sounds muffled through the wood blockade between us.
Do I want to let him in? I remember the look on his face at the table, the pain behind his eyes and how much I could tell he was trying to hide his real emotions. Thinking about him hurting too is enough for me to walk over and open the door for him. Abbott’s always been better at being in touch with his emotions than I ever have. He’s a big feeler, and knows how to manage it, but I’m a big bottler, which is impossible to manage when big emotions like this find their way to the surface. I know whatever he’s going to say is going to help bring me back down and feel a bit more grounded.
“On or off?” He points to my light switch as he comes in.
“Off, for sure.” I close the door behind him. I don’t say anything else, I just walk over to the end of my bed and sit down. He shuffles over and plops himself next to me. There’s nothing but the sound of both of our breathing for a few moments, but then I feel brave enough to ask him for details. “When did you find out?”
He clears his throat and then answers. “Last night.”
“Shoot, I’m sorry, Ab.” I can only manage to get it out in a whisper. I lean my head on his shoulder, hoping I can provide him even half the amount of comfort he’s providing me. He’s still processing the news himself—I’m lucky to have him by my side, trying his best to be there for me.
His phone buzzes in his pocket, but he doesn’t reach for it.
“When did Mel find out?” I ask, although I’m scared to hear the answer. I hear his phone buzz again in the moment of silence before he responds.
“About a month ago,” he pauses to take a deep breath before continuing, “I think the same weekend you were in Vancouver.”
“That feels like forever ago.” I can’t believe she had been holding that in for over a month.
“You’re telling me,” he mutters. “Look, I still don’t know why she waited so long to tell me, and I had no clue you didn’t know either. I honestly walked in here today thinking you knew…” He trails off and a few more back-to-back buzzes come from his phone.
“Somebody’s popular,” I joke and softly nudge his ribs with my elbow.
“Eh, it’s probably nothing important.” He shrugs, brushing it off, still not pulling his phone out.
“You can check it, I won’t be offended,” I say through a few breathy laughs.
“Alright, alright.” He reaches into his pocket and when he pulls his phone out, the screen illuminates the room.
I don’t have to look very hard over his shoulder to be able to see what all his notifications are. Text after text from both Cade and Mel in a group chat—one that I’m definitely not in. The phone is so bright, I have to squint my eyes really hard to try and focus on what the name of the group chat is, but I can’t make out the letters of the long acronym that follows the word operation . That can’t be good. When Abbott quickly shoves his phone back into his pocket, I know it’s bad.
“Abbott,” I warn.
“It’s nothing!” He jumps to his defense, tossing his hands up in the air.
I get up and march over to my door and flick the big light on. “Honesty hour,” I assert, and cross my arms.
He flops backward, now laying on my bed, and lets out a big sigh. “Cade wanted our help doing something nice for you, I swear. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”
“I know you’re not telling the full truth.”
I won’t budge.
“How?!” He springs up to sitting again so fast.
I can’t hold in my laughter, he’s so easy to crack. “Well, you just admitted it, didn’t you?”
His head drops into his hands.
“Come on, what are you all hiding from me?” My voice quiets and the fact that this isn’t the first time they’ve all been keeping something from me churns in my gut.
“It’s not a big deal, I promise—” he tries to reassure me.
“That’s not for you to decide, Abbott. If it involves me, I deserve to know.” My anger flares and suddenly I don’t recognize the guy sitting across the room from me.
He gets up from the bed and breaks the distance between us to wrap me up in his signature big brother hug. “You know I’m always looking out for you, Hal.”
I try resisting the hug at first, but find myself backed against a wall and have nowhere to go. I’m swallowed up by his presence and I melt into the familiar comfort of my brother. It also kind of feels like a preemptive apology for whatever he’s about to tell me. He pulls away and leads me back over to my bed and has me sit back down. This time, he sits down on one of the beanbags on the floor.
“Long story short,” he starts, and I can tell I’m in for quite the story. “A few years ago, Mel and I started pulling some strings to try and get you and Cade to date.” His hands start waving with his words, something he only does when he’s nervous.
“I’m sorry, did you say years ?” I interrupt him. “Like, this isn’t something new? This has been a thing?” Cade did tell me he has liked me all these years, so Mel and Abbott knew back then and never said anything?
“Uh, yeah,” he says. He scratches the back of his neck and averts his gaze from mine.
“Like, what kinds of things have you been doing to, what did you say? Pull strings?” I’m in disbelief. I need more information than what Abbott’s giving me. I’m beginning to see red again.
“Only little things, really.” He looks up and around, and I can tell he’s trying to think of some examples. “Back in March, remember when we couldn’t make it to the double date?”
How could I forget? I nod, signaling for him to go on.
“We planned to bail all along, Cade knew that was going to happen.”
Wow. I’m impressed at how much they’ve been able to keep this under wraps, but at the same time, did they learn nothing all those years ago? They all know how I feel about being lied to, yet they’ve been accumulating more and more to this scheme for years ?
“What about something older?” Something worse , I mean, but I don’t necessarily want to ask that.
“Um, that Valentine’s party in high school?”
“Which one?” I need him to stop being so vague, except I think I know exactly which one he’s talking about.
“You know, seven-minutes-in-heaven, that whole thing.” His words come out just above a whisper, like it’s all clicking how hurt I must be by all of this.
The night that Cade and I first kissed, the one I always come back to in my head as the start of us as a romantic thing. Did he even want to be with me then or did Mel and Abbott convince him he should? I could throw up. I hate thinking that all of my special moments and memories with Cade—even the most recent ones—are part of a set-up. My mind is racing and I’m going through every moment Cade and I have spent together. What was him and what was Mel or Abbott? What was carefully contrived and what was real? Was anything real or was this all just some sick joke?
Some fresh air would do wonders for me right now. “I need a minute.”
Abbott tries to grab my hand, but he quickly gives up and nods. I walk over to my window and open it all the way. Probably around the time Mel and Abbott got together, I realized I could take the screen out of my window. It became my secret escape, squeezing myself out of the window and sitting out on the roof, watching the sky. It’s always brought me peace of mind when I’ve needed it the most.
I wait a few minutes before deciding it’s not working right now. I can’t stop thinking about everybody still inside the house. Abbott probably still sitting in my room, Mel and Cade downstairs with all of our families.
I need to leave, go somewhere else until I can face everyone again. One thing that’s great about my little spot on the roof is its easy access to the ground. There’s a ladder along the side of the house right by my room. I move slowly and quietly, hoping Abbott doesn’t hear me sneaking off, and before I know it, I’m on the ground. I instantly realize I might’ve messed up, I don’t have keys to a car, and I also don’t have any sort of jacket on, and it’s freezing. Let’s hope Cade’s car is unlocked, I know I have an emergency hoodie in there for all our night drives and frequent spontaneous adventures.
Please, open , I think as I pull on the handle to one of the back doors. It opens right up for me—it must be my lucky day! Exactly where I left it, my hoodie, well, Cade’s hoodie that became my hoodie, is waiting for me. I toss it on, and while I feel slightly warmer, I also feel even more sad when I’m hit with the smell of him , the smell of his car , realizing it’s going to be at the forefront of my senses as long as I’m wearing the hoodie. Life just keeps finding ways to get better, doesn’t it?
And that’s when I start running. And running, and running. I don’t even like running, but I’ll do it if it’s going to be what gets me far, far away from this house, far enough to forget about everything that’s happened tonight.