Chapter 24
JINX
“So you can cook.” Rachel smiles as she sets her napkin beside her empty plate and sits back in the chair, looking satisfied. “And well, too.”
I fork up the last bite of beef tips on my own plate and laugh off the compliment. “I wouldn’t say that, but I do know how to follow directions.”
She tilts her head. “Directions?”
I set my fork down and wipe my mouth. “I found a recipe online.”
Her brows rise. “Oh my god. Could you be any cuter?”
The laugh that rolls in my chest this time is far less humble. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just stereotype me.”
“I’m sorry.” Her cheeks go a little pink. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I’m not offended, babe. I’m just sorry that your experience with men has shown us to be incapable of doing something as simple as looking up a recipe, following instructions, and preparing a meal for the woman we care about. It’s not rocket science.”
She clears her throat and reaches for her glass of water. “Wow.”
I study her for a beat, hit with a flurry of nerves. What’s going on in that head of hers? It didn’t take me long to figure out that her marriage wasn’t much of a marriage at all. Instead of a partnership, she was mothering three people rather than two. But until this moment, I didn’t realize just how deprived of the simple things she’s truly been.
She swallows audibly and bows her head just a little, tentative. “Is that how you feel?”
I dip my chin. “I do.”
“You care about me?”
Ah. That’s the part she’s hung up on, huh?
“If you haven’t figured that out yet, then I’m not doing a very good job of showing it.”
A flush creeps up her neck and into her cheeks. “It’s not that.”
I reach across the table and take her hand. “What is it, then?”
She watches me for a moment, her eyes full of fear and hope, before she pulls in a breath and lets it out carefully. “I just didn’t expect any of this.”
“If it’s too much…”
“It isn’t. I’m just… a little afraid. You know?”
I nod, my damn heart aching for her. “I understand. And I’m going to do everything in my power to ease that fear. Because I do care about you. And I don’t want you to ever doubt my intentions.”
“And those are what, exactly?”
“To show you that I see you. And I get you. And that I think you’re an amazing, selfless woman who deserves to have someone in her corner.”
She tilts her head, sweet emotion in her eyes. “Where did you come from? Because I swear you swept into my life one night and never left.”
I chuckle. “Is that your way of telling me I’m being a pain in your ass?”
“No.” She lets out a teasing scoff. “I’m trying to tell you that I see you, too.”
For a silent moment, we regard each other, so much passing between us without words. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced, this deeper level of comfort and connection that feels so damn right.
“Speaking of seeing things…” I tip my head toward the living room and the homework on the coffee table. “You want to tell me what that’s all about?”
Her eyes widen briefly. Then she sighs, her shoulders sinking just a little. “You saw all that, huh?”
I nod.
“It was a spur-of-the-moment decision. To apply, I mean. I didn’t expect to hear back until the fall, but the acceptance came in just a couple of weeks. I took that as a sign.”
I can’t keep from grinning. “Hell yeah, babe. I didn’t mean to snoop, but I saw something about principalship. Is that what you want? To be a principal?”
“Mm-hmm. Or maybe even a school administrator. I’d probably have to get my MBA, too, but—”
“Do it.” I squeeze her hand. “If that’s what you want, do it.”
She gives a nervous laugh. “Not sure my bank account could handle it. In fact, this degree may very well do me in.”
“Okay, so what do we need to do to get ready for that? To make it happen?”
She blinks once, then again, like the question caught her off guard, then she opens her mouth to answer, only to shut it again.
“What’s that look for?”
She tips her head and wets her lips. “What do you mean we?”
God, she’s cute.
“Maybe I haven’t made it clear…” I smooth my thumb over her skin. “But I’m not going anywhere. You can take whatever time and space you need to get through the divorce and what comes next, but I’m here. In whatever capacity you need me to be.”
With a sharp breath in, she stands, then she rounds the table and throws her arms around me, pressing the longest kiss into my hair.
“How am I so lucky?” she asks, her voice filled with emotion. “How did the universe know that you’re exactly what I need in my life?”
I shift in the chair, wrap my arms around her, and pull her close. She cups my stubbled jaw, and as I look up at her, I wonder the same damn thing.
“The feeling is mutual, babe. So let’s just go with it and see where it leads.”
“How areyou feeling about the meeting with Jesse next week?” Rachel asks a couple of hours later, as we’re snuggled up on the couch, watching a home renovation show and sharing our disgust at how overpriced everything is.
“Pretty good, thanks to your suggestions for the business plan. Just have to print everything out for Monday.”
“What do you think he’s going to say?” She turns her face so her forehead is pressed into my neck and draws lazy patterns on my chest with her fingers.
“Honestly, I can’t decide whether he’ll love it or hate it. Right now, I’d say we’re leaning a little more toward him hating it.”
She hums. “Because you stood up for yourself and told him how you felt about him making that call for you?”
“That and because there’s a good chance he’ll want to keep the company to himself.” I don’t want to believe that’s true, but it’s a possibility I have to be prepared for.
“Hmm.” She continues drawing circles on my chest, soothing me with her touch. “I don’t think that’s the case. He’s too family-oriented for that.”
“That’s just it. He could want EE for his family only.”
She shakes her head. “No. Your dad wouldn’t approve of that.”
I chuckle. “Do you even know my dad?”
“Sure, I do. He plays cribbage with my dad.”
“Okay, so…”
“I get the impression that he’s a traditional kind of guy. Just like you and Jesse. I don’t think he’ll shut you out.”
With a sigh, I settle deeper against the cushions. “I guess we’ll see.”
She presses a kiss to my jaw but pulls back quickly when her phone pings with a notification on the coffee table. She leans forward to pick it up and frowns.
“Everything okay?”
She studies the device for another moment before clicking it off and setting it aside. “Uh, yeah. It’s just…” She shoves a hand through her hair. “The coworker that’s figured out I’m in school… he asked if I wanted to get together this week to talk about our classes.”
“Ah.” My gut tightens possessively and, more than likely, unnecessarily. “For coffee or something?”
She shakes her head and scrapes her teeth over her bottom lip. “He asked me to have dinner with him.”
What the fuck? She’s not even divorced yet.
Says the guy she blew tonight and got off with last night.
Shit.
“That’s…” I rub a hand around the back of my neck and fight the tension coiling my muscles. “That’s great.”
“What?” She laughs. “Another guy asking me out is great?”
“For you, yes.” Me, not so much.
Her mouth drops open. “I’m sorry, but I thought—”
“That we’re a thing?” I nod, keeping my breathing steady. “But you just told me that you haven’t dated much.”
“I haven’t dated at all.”
“Exactly. And that’s why you should have dinner with this guy.”
She stares at me like I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have. But it’s the right thing to do.
I clear my throat and lock eyes with her. “You should see what else is out there. Live a little.”
At the end of the day, I want her to know for sure that it’s me she really wants. Everything I’ve done for her and with her… it’s been for her. I can’t hold her back now.
“I doubt he’s anywhere near as funny as I am. Or as good of a kisser.” It’s a pathetic attempt to lighten the mood, but I’m out of my element here.
She squeezes my hand and gives me a look that almost resembles a smile. “I don’t like him. I already know that much.”
I shrug. “So you’d say no even if I weren’t in your life?”
She pauses long enough to give away her answer. He may not be Mr. Right, but she’d say yes, even if out of curiosity.
“Go on the date, Sunny. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be here.” I’ll hate every second of watching and waiting, but I set myself up for this.
“But what if—” She ducks her head, hiding behind the curtain of her hair.
“What if what, Sunny?”
I know what she’s thinking, and I know she doesn’t want to say it out loud. She doesn’t want to hurt me.
Tangling my fingers with hers, I give her hand a squeeze. “Sometimes we don’t know what we really want until we try a few things out. It’s okay. I’m a big boy. I understand that.”
“What if I have fun?”
I laugh, even as my chest constricts. “That’s the point, isn’t it?”
“But—”
“But nothing.” I smile, even though it fucking hurts. “You haven’t done this kind of thing before. Not as an adult, anyway. And the chances…” I break off and swallow hard. Fuck, I don’t want to say it, even though it’s the truth. “The chances of you finding the right guy straight out of the gate aren’t likely, though I know I’m one hell of a catch.”
She laughs softly, sadly.
“If it turns out you want to be with someone else more, then so be it. I’ll be your friend. That’s not going to change.”
As much as I want to be her endgame, she was right earlier. I dropped into her life and made myself at home. Maybe it’s time I take a step back and let my sunflower bloom.