Chapter 25
RACHEL
It’s been years since I’ve put my sneakers on for a run, but after last night’s rain, the temperature is cool. I crave the fresh air in my lungs just as badly as my muscles crave the burn.
It’s all Justin’s fault. Things between us have heated up so fast and yet not fast enough at the same time. We need to go slow and not get ahead of ourselves, but he is a hard man to resist. My body hated me for letting him leave last night, but it was for the best, no matter how hard my reawakened libido tried to convince me otherwise.
So a run will have to do. For now.
Earbuds in place, I stretch in the driveway, then take off at a light jog. By the time I turn onto the last street on the north side of town, I’ve hit my stride, and it feels damn good.
As I approach the trailhead near one of the smaller lakes in town, I make a last-minute decision to run the three-mile loop. I may very well regret it, but pushing myself is empowering, too.
I’ve learned a lot about myself since Craig and I separated, and it took far too long to realize that I was mistaking unhappiness for weakness. All that time, I remained silent when I should have been speaking up for myself. Especially when Craig walked away, and I was left feeling stupid for pretending for so long. In reality, it took a lot of strength to stick it out, too. My kids have always been my number one priority, and so much of what I did—so much of what I set aside—was for them. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s what mothers do.
The weakness came in when I set myself aside for Craig, too. Not only did he know I was doing it, but he took advantage of it. The more I gave, the more he took. And when I was maxed out and had nothing left to give, he made me feel like a failure. Like nothing I did was enough. And if I fell short—figuratively and literally, like I did the day I brought donuts to his work—he took it personally, as if I was an embarrassment to him.
From where I am today, I can see that he was actually so unhappy with himself that he projected that disappointment onto me. And I took it. I carried it around because I thought it was my responsibility as his wife and his partner. Only, he had stopped being my partner years ago. He was merely a bystander in our life, letting me shoulder the burden of damn near everything while believing himself above me because he was bringing home a paycheck.
While I run, I replay argument after argument we had over the years. So many of the times I’d tell him that I needed more, only for him to make me second-guess myself. He knew what to say or how to look at me to make me wonder if I was truly the problem.
When I finally shut down and put up my walls instead of letting him get to me, he moved on to someone new. I have to wonder if he chose Cady because he already knew he could manipulate her.
With my chest aching and my thighs burning, I round the last corner on the trail and head back into town. Aiden, Justin’s brother, and Olivia Bishop pass by in Aiden’s truck, and I lift a hand in greeting.
I’ve never understood how an honorable, respectful man like Aiden could be so close to someone like Craig. They went to high school together, sure, and Craig works for Aiden’s brother. But in every way, they’re vastly different. Aiden is the quieter, more reserved of the Enders brothers, so maybe his hardened exterior allows him to put up with more crap, too. Jesse is probably somewhere in the middle, and then there’s Justin, who has no tolerance for Craig’s crap at all.
Maybe that’s part of the reason we get along so well.
As I round the corner onto my street, Craig’s truck comes into view. It’s parked in the driveway, but it’s empty.
What the heck? He isn’t supposed to bring the kids home until dinnertime.
Unless he saw Jinx’s truck here last night…
My stomach sinks as I continue toward the house.
I knew it would happen sooner or later, but why today? I was having such a good morning.
My feet pound against the porch steps at a quick pace, and as I pull open the screen door, I take my phone from the pocket in my leggings to turn off my music.
That’s when I see the missed calls and texts. Craig’s dad woke up with a stomach bug, and he thought he’d bring the kids back before they got sick, too.
“Good to know you’re all right,” Craig grumbles from the kitchen, where he’s made himself at home with a cup of coffee. “I was about to call Aiden and report you missing.”
I roll my eyes and kick off my sneakers. “Oh, please. It’s been a half hour since you called.”
With a smirk, he gives me a once-over. I’m going to assume the creepy grin is because he’s surprised that I’ve gotten back into exercising and taking care of myself and not because he likes what he sees.
“You’ve lost weight,” he says, his eyes lingering a bit too long on my stomach, which he knows I’ve been self-conscious about since having kids.
“Is that supposed to be a compliment?” I pick up my water bottle with a huff.
He dips his chin. “You’re looking good, Ray.”
“Shut up, Craig.” I intentionally bump his arm on my way to the sink to refill the bottle. “Where are the kids?”
“Their rooms. Emma has a headache, and Mason’s pissed at me.”
Color me surprised. Mason hasn’t been happy with his dad in months.
Shutting off the tap, I turn and lean against the counter. “What happened?”
He runs a hand around the back of his neck and casually strides to the other side of the kitchen island. “We had a talk this weekend,” he says, his attention fixed on his coffee. “Disagreed on pretty much everything.”
“Like?”
He lifts a shoulder. “Nothing important.”
“It’s clearly important to Mason if he’s upset with you.”
With an irritated glare, he claims a stool.
Go ahead. Make yourself at home.
“We discussed spending more time together, and he more or less told me he’s not interested.”
Ouch.That hits me right in the heart. But did he honestly expect a different reaction? He’s made it clear since he left that the kids aren’t his number one priority. Sure, he shows up for his visitations like he’s supposed to, and he makes it to most of their games. But he’s still living with his parents, so they’re rarely alone. And the time they could spend together, just the three of them, is usually shared with Cady.
“No comment?” he snipes.
“You need to find your own place to live.” It’s not what he wants to hear, I’m sure, but I’m done holding back with him. He held me back for long enough.
“For fuck’s sake.” He folds his arms on top of the island and glances away. “Everyone is so damn concerned about where I’m living.”
I lift a hand. “The judge is going to ask you next month, too.” He more or less told Craig it was a must. It isn’t the Perrys’ job to help their adult son raise his kids.
“I fucking know that, okay?”
Then do something about it.
“Anyway, about Mason…” I steer us back on course. “He’s been practically begging for time since you moved out, and you’ve ignored him over and over again. Of course he’s upset.”
“Why do you think I wanted to have that conversation?” His tone starts out defensive, but he tamps it down. “I just want to make this right.”
“I understand that, but you’re six months too late.” I tilt my head. “The world isn’t going to wait while you figure things out. Especially not a hormonal kid who’s dealing with his own issues.”
He nods and laces his fingers on the countertop. “I know. Doesn’t help that Jinx has been spending so much fucking time with him, either.”
Really? And to think I almost believed he was remorseful.
I successfully bite back a scoff and cross my arms over my chest, ready to level with him. “You may not like it, but it probably does help.”
He recoils immediately. “Fuck that. And what the hell is going on between you and Enders, anyway?”
Flashbacks from yesterday and the night before race through my mind, and I do my best not to react. I don’t want to lie about seeing Justin, but I would like to wrap my head around what’s happening between us before I share it with anyone. Especially my soon-to-be ex-husband.
“Can we please not do this?”
“We’ve danced around this for long enough, don’t you think? If there’s something going on, just tell me.”
“I think it’s time for you to go.” I hold my chin high. “I need to check on the kids anyway.”
His brow furrows, but not in anger. No, the look on his face is one of surprise. Maybe a little fear, too. The man didn’t think I’d move on, did he? He really thought I’d sulk and pine for him forever.
God, I was an idiot.
I close my eyes to shut it all out. I don’t want to see his disappointment, and I refuse to feel bad for him. I put him first for far too long already. It’s time I protect myself.
“Fine. I’ll go.” He gets to his feet and picks up the folded Enders Excavating hoodie I set on the island after Justin left it here the day he fixed the washer. “I’m taking this with me.”
Heart lurching, I clear my throat. “That’s not yours.”
He frowns and looks down at the sweatshirt. “Uh, yeah, it is.”
“No.” I hurry across the room and snatch it away. “It isn’t.”
His eyes dart back and forth between mine for another moment before it clicks, and his expression hardens. “He’s been here.”
Swallowing hard, I step back.
“He’s been in my fucking house,” he grits out, face turning red.
“This isn’t your house anymore.” Or at least, it won’t be in a few weeks.
He scrubs his hands over his face, laughing bitterly. “I can’t fucking believe this. He not only moves in on my kid, but now he’s moving in on you.”
“Please keep your voice down.”
The glower he hits me with in response sends chills down my spine. “You’re not even going to deny it.”
I ball my hands in the sweatshirt. “I don’t owe you anything, Craig. You were the one who chose to leave. To end our marriage. And then you moved on.”
His nostrils flare and his lip curls, and my heart begins to race.
What is he really upset about? That another man is possibly interested in me? That I’m actually moving on? Or is it that I’m finally being treated the way I deserve?
“He’s using you, Ray.” He shakes his head. “It’s what he does. Look how many years he’s been riding Jesse’s coattails.”
“That isn’t true—”
“The hell it isn’t!” he roars. “He sees you as a fucking opportunity.” He looks me up and down with a sickening smile. “An easy, desperate piece of ass.”
I almost laugh. And maybe I would if I weren’t also on the verge of tears.
“Get out.” I stab a finger toward the door. “Now.”
“Mom?” Mason calls from down the hall. A heartbeat later, he appears, looking from me to his father, his expression full of concern and confusion. “What’s going on?”
“It’s okay, honey.” My voice cracks. I hate—hate—that he’s witnessing this. I swore I would never put him through this again. “Your dad was just leaving.”
Craig makes a disgusted sound and sneers at the hoodie still gripped in my hand. “Keep that shit away from my kids.”
I bite my tongue as he storms out, letting the screen door slam behind him.