Chapter 12
Asoft knock on the guest bedroom door made my eyes pop open.
I turned my head toward the door to see Jaeda standing there with a smile.
She and my brother had so graciously allowed me to stay here the last couple of nights.
I didn’t wanna go home, I didn’t want to go to my parents, and staying at Mia’s was out of the question.
I really just wanted to be close to my baby.
Staying on the compound meant I could go sit with her whenever I wanted, no matter the time of day.
Jaeda and Quaid were a safe space for me and one a nigga never expected to need like this. When I showed up at their door after the fight with Mia a few days ago, they didn’t ask questions right away. They just let me in, fed me, and let me be.
“Good morning,” Jaeda said, walking into the room.
“Morning, Jae.”
“You got any sleep?”
I shook my head as I sat up. “Not really. How you doing?”
“I’m okay. A little worried about you.”
“No need to worry. I always bounce back.”
She walked over and hugged me, belly all in the way. When she pulled back, I reached out to rub her stomach.
“Hey, man,” I said, placing a kiss to her bump. “You good in there?”
“I’m the one having my bladder crip walked on, and you’re asking him if he’s okay?”
I chuckled. “My godson can do no wrong.”
She laughed and mushed my head. “Don’t be that kind of godfather, Titan. Have my son thinking he can get away with anything.”
“And he can ‘cause I’ma be right there as his backup.”
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
“Jae?” I said, turning serious.
“What’s up?”
“You trust me with your kid if anything happened to you? I mean, after all this—”
“Stop it.” She sat next to me and grabbed my hands.
“I would trust you with my child because I know how much you love and respect his father. You would take care of him like your own, no questions asked and no excuses. You made a mistake and neither me nor Quaid will punish you for that. You are this baby’s godfather, and nothing will ever change that, you hear me? ”
I nodded. “Thanks, Jae.”
“We love you. Always.”
“I love y’all too, man. Real nigga shit.”
She pulled me in for another hug, and I just held her for a minute.
Jaeda had this soothing spirit. She wasn’t like the rest of her siblings.
While she could be savage if pushed to that limit, she was just a genuinely good person.
I could see her making a bunch of hard ass niggas soft as puddy around her.
The times I’d hung out with her and Quaid with the rest of my team, those niggas acted like they had all the sense in the world.
They had manners, they offered to clean up if she cooked, and they were respectful as hell.
All that cursing and vulgarity wasn’t present when Jaeda was around.
I don’t know what it was about her, but she could have a nigga under a spell.
I could see why Quaid was crazy about her.
“Bruh… you know you’re my boy and I love you, but get the fuck up off my wife.”
We looked up to see Quaid standing there with a smirk on his face. Jaeda giggled as she pulled away and stood to go over to him.
“You know I only have eyes for you,” she said, slipping her arms around his neck.
“I know.” Leaning in, he kissed her passionately while rubbing her stomach. “Food’s done. Go have a seat at the table. I fixed you a plate.”
“Thank you, baby.”
“You’re welcome, love.”
She pecked his lips several times before leaving the room. He stared after her for a minute before turning back to me.
“You got any sleep?” he asked, leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets.
“Not really.”
“Even after three blunts?”
“I guess I wasn’t high enough. It’ll catch up with me, eventually. I appreciate y’all letting me stay here.”
“It’s nothing. You’re my brother. You’d do the same for me.”
“In a heartbeat.”
“So, uh… you think things have settled down enough to talk to Mia.”
“I don’t know, man. We said a lot of shit. Then she went in on her brothers when I left. Deuce said she basically called them out. I think it’s best if I keep my distance for now.”
“You think she’s gonna go through with the divorce?”
“Fuck a divorce. I told her she’s mine for life and I meant that shit. She’ll have to kill me first.”
He shook his head. “I hate y’all are going through this, T.”
“You and me both.” I tossed back the covers and stood to my feet. “You mind putting me a plate up? I wanna go spend some time with my baby.”
“I got you.”
As I went to walk past him to go to the bathroom, he extended a hand. When I dapped him, he pulled me into a brotherly hug.
“You’re gonna get through this, T. When you’re ready to head back over there and handle this shit, I got you.”
“Nah, Q. You have a baby on the way. I can’t have you anywhere near this shit.”
“Me and Jaeda already talked about it. If she wasn’t pregnant, she’d be right with me. One of us has to be a part of this. That was our niece. We’ll avenge her together.”
I stared at him for a moment.
“You for real?”
“Dead ass. You know I've got you on the tech aspect. That’s a given. If I have to pull my gun, I got you on that too. I know I don’t get in the field, but about my niece’s honor, we can fuck the city up.”
I slapped his hand and pulled him in for another hug.
“My nigga…”
“For life.”
Quaid was one of the realest niggas in my life. While he preferred to be incognito, he wasn’t afraid to get in the paint if he had to. They underestimated my boy, but there was nothing pussy about him. If I took him with me, I had to make sure he made it home, even if I didn’t.
Quaid and I parted ways, and I headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.
By the time I got ready to leave, I could hear the constant clicking of keyboards coming from Quaid and Jaeda’s office.
They were in their element, so I was leaving just in time.
Grabbing my keys, I left the house and hopped in my car.
The drive up to the mausoleum only took about two minutes. When I got there, I saw Steel sitting with KJ in front of Donna’s crypt. Getting out of my car, I headed over and took a seat beside them.
“Sup?” I said, slapping his hand.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey lil’ dude,” I spoke to KJ.
He grinned and waved at me. “Hey!”
Playfully, I jabbed his belly, making him laugh and try to hit me back.
“You wanna fight?” I asked, scooping him up.
He was all smiles and squeals as I tossed him in the air.
“When he throws up on your ass, I don’t wanna hear shit,” Steel warned.
“Won’t be the first time.”
I stopped tossing him, and he immediately went for my locs, rolling them between his fat little fingers.
Usually, I kept my locs up or braided back.
Any time I wore them down around the kids, they all wanted to play in my shit, and I’d let them.
Juri, in particular, loved to put her damn bows all over my head and yell at me when I tried to take them out.
My center console was filled with bows and barrettes I had to return to her mama.
“This is a horrible question, but how are you?” Steel asked.
“I’m here, man.” I stared at Eden’s crypt, shaking my head. “It’s crazy how much I miss her, and she wasn’t even here.”
“You’re her father—”
“Was her father.”
“Nah, man. You’re still her father. You loved her without knowing her. You mourn her loss. You get to miss her without rhyme or reason because she’s yours. She may not be here in the physical sense, but Eden was your baby. Now she’s your angel.”
I hung my head. “Shit’s fucking me up, man. Then your sister ain’t making it any better. Talking about she wants a divorce and shit.”
“Can I keep it a buck with you?”
“I respect honesty.”
“The two of you never should have gotten married. I’m not saying that to be harsh, but given y’all’s track history, y’all were doomed from the start. You got married on a whim and in secret. All you two do most of the time is fight. Y’all really wanted to bring that unstable shit into a marriage?”
“We ain’t perfect. I know that shit. But I love your sister.”
“Sometimes love ain’t enough. You can love something, and it not be good for you.”
“You know how you’ve loved Neha across all space and time?
How you still loved her enough to forgive her for keeping your child away from you?
That’s how much I love your sister. I’ve loved her since we were kids and was too stupid to act like it.
I keep telling myself that if I hadn’t been such an ass to her for so many years, maybe we could’ve built something that wasn’t rooted in toxicity.
“But I’ve been trying, Kerrion. Trying to be a better man.
Trying to be a good husband. Mia is difficult.
She’s stubborn. She wants shit to go her way.
That mouth is reckless. The crazy thing is, the shit I complain about is the shit I love about her.
She’s one of the strongest women I know.
I love that she’s a challenge because I don’t need a woman that’s a pushover.
I need her to give me my shit right back. ”
Kerrion sighed. “The problem is y’all be overdoing it.
Sometimes, I feel like you like getting a rise out of her, dude.
Mia has her faults, but that’s my sister and I don’t like that shit.
If you want to be together, y’all have to respect each other above everything else.
Not just in front of people, but behind closed doors.
The way y’all talk to each other is a lot of the problem, bruh.
Both of you have a lot of growing up to do. ”
I nodded. I couldn’t do anything but respect what he was saying because he was right.
“I hear you, man,” I said, bouncing KJ. “I don’t wanna be like that with her, especially now. I just wanna love my wife and avenge my daughter. We have to get right before we take care of this shit. At least get to a point where every conversation ain’t an argument or a screaming match.”
“If you want it bad enough, make it happen. Love ain’t easy, trust me. Saying I love you might be, but being in love and staying in love is a full-time job. Take that from a man that still struggles with not being bitter with the woman I love for keeping my child from me.”
“How are you handling that?”
“I started therapy. Life beat my ass the last year and some change. You know we don’t put too many people in our business, but I had to talk to somebody.
A weaker man would have broken. I can admit that I cracked, but I didn’t break.
I know this shit feels like it might break you and Mia; it will if you let it. ”
“She’s going through the stages of grief right now. She doesn’t wanna hear shit.”
“Keep talking. Be consistent. Be present, but don’t minimize your grief either. Both of you lost a child. Both of you have to feel that. Just don’t let the grief consume you. Work through it, don’t let it work you.”
He reached for his son and stood to his feet.
“We gotta get going. We’re having lunch with Nayelli today. Take your time out here. Sometimes, talking to the dead is all the peace you need.”
He slapped my hand and started back to his car. I stared at my daughter’s crypt for a long time before reaching out and touching it.
“Hey baby girl… daddy just needs you to listen right now.”
Maybe Kerrion was right. Maybe talking to the dead was all the peace you needed when all you wanted was someone to listen.