Chapter 13
Igroaned at the sound of my front door opening.
At some point, I needed to change the locks.
I was exhausted and mentally depleted. I hadn’t slept in days.
My stomach was touching my back, and I had a flight of emotions.
I was tired of people coming to my house.
I was tired of them pushing to get me out of bed or to talk about my feelings.
I just wanted to be left alone because I physically couldn’t make myself do anything but lie here.
I heard two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs. Pulling the covers up over my head, I tried to sink further into the bed. If only I could just disappear. The footsteps got closer, and the next thing I knew, the covers were being yanked off.
“Go away,” I said, putting the pillow over my head.
I didn’t even bother looking to see who was in my room. The next thing I felt was a huge splash of ice-cold water hitting my skin. I jumped out of bed to see my father and Steel standing there.
“The fuck is wrong with y’all!” I screamed.
“Who you talking to?” my father asked, walking up on me.
Seeing the fire in his eyes, I backed away from him. “Nobody,” I mumbled.
“So I’m nobody?”
“No, Daddy. I’m sorry, okay. Y’all didn’t have to come in here like that.”
“Something had to get you out of that bed,” Steel said. “Go get in the shower and get dressed.”
“No.”
“That wasn’t a request.”
“Since when do I answer to you?”
“You answer to me,” my father said. “Get in the shower and put on some clothes.”
“Daddy, I’m not in the mood.”
“That’s the problem. You’re depressed, Mia. This is classic postpartum on top of the grief you’re already experiencing. I know it’s hard, but baby, you have to manage it before it takes you out.”
I covered my ears, not wanting to hear anything they were saying. I knew very well what was wrong with me. I didn’t want to feel like this, but I didn’t have it in me to do anything about it.
My brother snatched my hands away and yanked me to him.
“This isn’t a fucking game, Mia!” he yelled.
“This could literally be life and fucking death. Do you know what I’ve been through the last couple months?
The shit I had to witness?? My son was kidnapped by his grandmother.
I found his mother’s body in a fucking freezer because not only had she dug her up, she dug up her husband too.
For almost four days, I didn’t know where my baby was and when I found him, his grandmother blew her brains out in front of me.
“You know why? Because she was so consumed with grief over losing her husband and her daughter. She didn’t get the help she needed to deal with that, and it turned deadly.
I refuse to have to bury my sister because her grief got out of control.
Not fucking happening. So go get in that muthafucking shower, put on some clothes, and bring your ass downstairs. Now!”
I stared at him, tears brimming my eyes. He’d never yelled at me. Never cursed at me. Kerrion was always so calm and the sweetest of my brothers. The fire in his eyes matched our father’s, and I knew he wasn’t playing with me.
“Okay,” I whispered.
His grip on my wrists loosened, and he pulled me into a hug.
For a moment, he just held me in his big arms before kissing my temple and releasing me.
Neither he nor my father said anything as they left the room.
I took a deep breath before going to my closet to find something to wear, then headed to the bathroom to take a shower.
As I walked into the bathroom, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. I looked a hot mess. A wet, hot mess at that. Peeling the wet clothes from my body, I tossed them in the hamper. After turning on the shower, I washed my face and did my oral hygiene.
Stepping into the steamy stream of water, it felt like needles prickling my skin. I allowed the water to drench me for a while before grabbing my body wash and loofah to give myself a good lather.
Mindlessly, I bathed myself. I was so out of it, I didn’t realize I’d been in here for thirty minutes until the water started running lukewarm. I’d scrubbed my skin so much that it now held a red tint. Turning off the water, I grabbed my towel and dried off before wrapping it around myself.
Back in my room, I moisturized my skin and detangled my hair before putting it in two braids and securing it in a bun at the nape of my neck. I slipped into a pair of leggings, an oversized shirt, and a pair of slides before heading downstairs.
The moment my feet hit the bottom step, I caught a whiff of bacon.
My stomach growled louder than it had in days.
I made my way into the kitchen to see my father at the stove cooking, and my brother was sipping a cup of coffee while on FaceTime with who I assumed was Neha based on how he was smiling.
I guess they were in a good space, considering how they came back into each other’s lives.
When I learned he had a daughter while I was away, I was livid.
Part of me wanted to come back and beat Neha’s ass on his behalf.
Jaeda was the nice one and she let that shit slide, but I would have touched her first and asked questions later.
Today, though, I didn’t have any room to judge her, and I didn’t have the energy to do so. If my brother could forgive her and be happy, that was on him. I had my own shit to live with.
Steel peered over at me as I went to sit at the kitchen table.
“I’ll see you when you get home,” he said. “I love you too.” He hung up the phone and slid it in his pockets. “You look better.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks. Tell me why I had to be woken up like that.”
“You’ll find that out after you eat,” my father said, sitting a plate of bacon, eggs, and grits in front of me along with a glass of orange juice. “At least half.”
I didn’t argue with him. Instead, I picked up the spoon and ate.
The first bite almost made me want to throw up.
Not because it was nasty, but because I’d barely consumed anything other than a few bites here and there.
There were days I could eat the food my family brought me and other days when I would literally throw it up because I had to force myself to eat.
Still, I choked down half of this plate while Kerrion and our dad watched me.
“Are you gonna tell me why you barged in my house?” I asked, taking a sip of my juice.
“I want you to come with me somewhere,” Steel said.
“Where?”
“My therapy session.”
I frowned. “When did you start therapy?”
“After all that shit happened. I realized I was bottling up too much, and I needed to talk to somebody that would give me honest, unbiased feedback. A nigga felt like he was drowning.”
I sighed. “I don’t know how I feel about telling people my business, Steel.”
“It’s a process, Mia. I get it. We’re used to handling our own shit, but some things are beyond us, sis.
This is beyond you. I love you and I want you to be in a better headspace.
We all do. Dr. Baxter is great. She listens.
She has a way of pulling shit outta your head that you can’t put in words.
Just come with me today. Even if you do nothing but sit there, you should come. ”
I traced the rim of my glass with my nail. “So I won’t have to say anything?”
“Not if you don’t want to. Honestly, the words have a mind of their own at times. You’ll find your voice even if you don’t mean to.”
I sighed heavily. “I guess I’ll go.”
He smiled and reached for my hands. I gave them to him, and he kissed my knuckles.
“I love you, sis,” he said.
“I love you too.”
I wasn’t feeling this, but knowing my brother had the courage to seek help gave me a little strength.
Steel had always been in touch with his feelings.
Him and Jaeda. My guess, it was the difference in the mother and stepfather they had.
While all of my father’s baby mamas were affectionate and nurturing, they also had Mr. Hershel.
That was the calmest man I’d ever met. He never raised his voice. He was always gentle and peaceful. Always the voice of reason. My brother was more like him than he cared to admit. He got that savage side from our father, but his gentle spirit was a product of being raised by Hershel Jenkins.
I’d never admit it to my brothers, but I looked up to them. There was something about each of them I admired. Maybe seeing Steel bare his soul to a practical stranger would give me the strength I needed to work through my own shit.
Thirty minutes later, we were pulling in the yard of a nice one-story brick home. I looked around, confused, because I thought we were going to an office building.
“She does therapy out of her house?” I asked.
“Nah, this is her office. She likes to create an environment where you feel comfortable.”
“Hmm.”
He shut off his truck and got out to open my door. As we headed up to the front door, my nerves were on ten. I didn’t know what to expect or if I should expect anything at all. Kerrion rang the doorbell.
“Does she know you’re bringing me?”
“Yeah. We talked about it my last session.”
“And she just lets this happen?”
“Special circumstances.”
Just as I was about to say something, the door opened. There stood a beautiful, older black woman who looked to be my mother’s age. She had a friendly smile, and her aura was welcoming.
“Kerrion, nice to see you again.”
“Nice to see you, Dr. Baxter.”
She turned to me. “You must be, Mia.”
I nodded.
“It’s so nice to meet you. Kerrion has been telling me about his family. It’s so many of you, so it’s nice to put a face to a name. Come on in.”
She opened the door wider and allowed us inside.
The space was tastefully decorated and had a warm and friendly atmosphere.
I guess I could see his point about making her clients comfortable.
She led us into the living room and directed us to sit on the couch while she took the chair across from us.
“Can I offer you anything to drink?” she asked.