13. 열셋 ‘yeolset’
‘So, how was your date yesterday?’ Elisa asks Elijah in our living room.
I haven’t been with any of them today. I got out of the house before Elisa woke up and came back while she was working. It’s not that I’m avoiding her; I’m avoiding the exact question she just asked my date. Elijah texted me asking how I was today, but I haven’t answered.
‘What are you doing?’ A whisper sounds in my ear, scaring the blood out of me. I jump with a gasp, trying my best to not make noise so the people in the other room don’t notice my presence.
I look back and I’m greeted by big, round, dark eyes and a playful smile.
‘Moonie, you scared the shit out of me,’ I say, my words for his ears only.
He chuckles quietly and whispers back, ‘Are you spying on them?’ pointing at my flatmate and neighbour.
‘No…’ I say, deviating my eyes from his.
‘Why are you hiding, then?’
‘I was…just on my way to the lavatory and…stumbled upon…them talking about yesterday, so I just—’
‘You just decided to stay and spy on them.’ He bites his lower lip to prevent a laugh.
‘Oh, shut up,’ I say and walk back to my room.
Moon Hee follows me and closes my bedroom door behind him.
‘So, how was it?’ he asks.
‘How was what?’ I play dumb, organising some papers on my desk. I have a letter from Daldust that I haven’t opened—I was waiting until everyone left so I could concentrate.
‘Lilah.’ He raises an eyebrow, knowing bloody well I know what he’s talking about.
‘It was good…if we ignore my panic attack.’ I sit down on my bed, and he leans with his back on the door.
‘If it makes you feel any better, he hasn’t mentioned it.’
That’s nice of Elijah. My fingers fiddle with each other as the silence fills the room.
My eyes are on the floor when a shadow appears in my peripheral vision. I look up and Moon Hee is standing in front of me—does he have cat paws for feet?
‘Don’t feel bad about it. It’s not something you can control, and he knows it. It also doesn’t change his feelings for you,’ my friend says, reaching to hold my hands.
‘How can you be so sure?’ I say, my eyes pleading for hope.
‘Because if it was me, it wouldn’t. If anything it would only make me feel deeper, knowing how strong you are.’ His eyes glued to mine.
I sigh and look back down. ‘I hate it, you know?’
‘Hate what?’
‘Not being in control, feeling like at any moment my body can overrule me, betray me.’ I bite the inside of my lip, trying to hold back the tears from leaving my waterline.
Moonie sits next to me and taps on his shoulder for me to place my head on it.
‘Emotions can be a bitch.’ He huffs out a chuckle, getting a sobbing laugh out of me. ‘How dare they betray us like that? But you know what?’ he continues. ‘No one has them fully controlled. Some people might say they do, but it only takes something unexpected to lose control. Right now, you are just dealing a lot with the unexpected.’
‘But that’s the thing. I get like this over nothing. Out of nowhere!’ I lift my head from his shoulder and look at him.
‘Maybe to you they’re nothing, but not to your body. Maybe you just need to start listening more to it.’
Ms Julie told me something similar today in our session: your body tells you more than you think. Listen to it.
As he finishes his sentence, a knock sounds on the door.
‘Lilah? Are you there? It’s Elijah.’
I look at the door and hesitate for a moment, so Moon Hee whispers in my ear, ‘ You got this.’
‘Come in,’ I say.
The moment Elijah opens the door, Moonie lets go of my hands, which were still holding on to his.
Elijah looks at his flatmate, frowning, but Moonie smiles and gets up, tapping him on the shoulder before closing the door as he leaves.
He stands near the exit, looking around my room. If I were him, I’d be stalling too.
‘I’m sorry…’ I break the silence, and he immediately turns his gaze to me. ‘For not answering your text yet.’
The man in front of me stays still, so I continue, ‘And for yesterday. I know it wasn’t the date you had envisioned.’
‘Don’t be,’ he says, taking a few steps closer to me. ‘I just wanted to spend time with you, the real you, not the one that I’ve been watching for years, and I got to do just that.’
‘But I couldn’t even kiss you at the end…’ I sigh.
He chuckles, biting his lip afterward, then closes even more of the space between us. With his tattooed hand, he caresses my face. ‘Don’t worry, I know I’m not. We will have plenty of time for that later, that and more.’
My heart beats faster, but this time I know why. I know why it’s speeding up and why I’m having a shortage of breath. Because Elijah Park just said he wants to do more with me.
The man probably catches on to my reaction, because he sits next to me and brings his face closer to mine, looking down at my lips. His tongue glides down to his bottom lip, wetting it along the way, and with his hand he strokes my hair behind my ear.
Coming even closer, he turns his head to whisper in the shell of my ear, ‘You just need to tell me when you are ready.’
The warm breath on my ear sends a shiver through my body. This type of uncontrolled reaction is one I didn’t remember what it felt like.
That’s when it hits me. When I get a glimpse of what I was feeling yesterday: fear.
Why does someone getting this close to me make me tremble? Want to flee?
This is Elijah; I have nothing to fear. No, I don’t want to fear him.
He pulls away and walks away to the other end of the room. In a fast movement, I stand up and grab his arm—something I didn’t think I had in me.
Elijah turns around and after a quick inhale, I say, ‘I’m ready.’
His lips form a smirk, and he grabs my wrists, pushing me to the nearest wall. With my hands above my head, wrists held by his hands, pinning me to the wall, his face returns to diminish the space between mine. ‘Are you sure?’
I refuse to be afraid of him. Even if that means fighting my instincts.
The moment I nod, his lips close the space between us and a warm sensation fills me.
My hands move to his neck and one of his to my waist. The wet smooth feeling of his lips makes me crave him more. I’ve imagined how he would kiss so many times, but nothing compares to the real deal.
His tongue slides through my mouth, licking my lips and teasing my own. His warm breath embraces my being and draws me even closer to him.
One of his hands has already lowered to my face when his kisses trail down to my neck, kissing and licking me like that one ice cream flavour you never get tired of.
Elijah stops for a brief moment, guiding me to my bed, which gives me enough time to know I’m not ready to let go just yet.
I lay on my back and he hovers over me, his eyes penetrating mine before he’s back on my lips. My hands pull him closer, so he steadies himself by holding his body with his elbow beside me, one leg parting mine and his other hand on my waist.
As his kisses move lower, the hand on my waist moves up to my breasts, caressing them. Suddenly, he gets on his knees on top of me, taking his shirt off and, as an instinct, my hand moves to his torso like two polar opposite magnets. I softly trace it with my fingers over every tattoo and defined muscle.
When I realise what I’m doing, I retract my hand and notice he’s staring at me with a smirk. He grabs my hand and places it back on his chest, keeping it held by his own hand.
Lowering himself enough so his words touch my ear, he says, ‘You can touch all you want,’ and I swallow hard.
I lift my head so our lips touch and his hands grab mine to hold them above my head. Our waists touch and I can feel him growing harder inside his jeans. That thought sends another shiver through my body and a throbbing sensation between my legs.
I haven’t had intercourse in five years, and I don’t know if I’m ready for it. All I know is that this is the first moment through all these years where I’m actually enjoying the present; nothing else is on my mind and I don’t want it to end. I want it to take me wherever it’s meant to take me, to take us.
He releases my hands to grab the hem of my shirt and pull it above my head. I lift my torso enough to unhook my bra and throw it across the room.
‘Fuck,’ Elijah says under his breath.
Intrusive thoughts about my body try to creep into my mind, but I shut them off. Not now, not at this moment.
‘Is Elisa home?’ I ask.
‘We’re alone.’ The man on top of me licks his lips.
Our eyes lock, transmitting the message that we both know what’s about to happen.
‘Do you have a condom?’ Words that I never thought to ask him sound out of me and he grabs one from his back pocket.
I raise a brow at him and he remarks, ‘Don’t even try to judge me for thinking ahead, be glad I did,’ and I chuckle, making him smile.
His lips touch my skin again, this time not holding back their trail, going all the way from my neck to my waist. He stops there to unbutton my pants and I undo his.
His bulge rubs between my legs, letting a moan out of me. It is at this point that I see how much I have been repressing my body, my heat, because an urge to get on top of him rushes over me and I switch our position.
His hands trace over my figure and he bites his lower lip as my hips move on top of him.
‘Fuck, Lilah, you have no idea how crazy I am about you,’ Elijah groans before grabbing my face with his tattooed hand to kiss me.
His other hand moves to my breast, and his fingers start playing with my aroused nipples. He releases his mouth from mine and moves it to the breast he was playing with before while his hand trails down my body to my panties.
With one finger, he traces my slit above the panties a few times before moving the fabric to the side and sliding a finger inside of me. A deep moan comes out of my mouth and he slides in another one.
While he’s pleasing me, my lips kiss his neck as he did for me before, and my hand feels his hardness. After a while, he turns us around again and lowers himself all the way between my legs. He takes off my panties and his tongue touches my clit .
My legs tense from the encounter, so he grabs them tight until I relax. I can’t control my breathing anymore and the moment he takes off his boxers and puts the condom on, I hold every breath I have inside.
Elijah places himself to enter me, rubbing his dick in my entrance to tease me first. When I feel like I’m about to beg for him, he comes back to hovering on top of me, and step by step gets inside me.
Our moans and groans get mixed up in the air and our breathing gets heavier each time he speeds up his pace.
‘Fuck,’ he says. ‘Fuck, Lilah, you feel so good.’
I kiss him in return. Sex talk isn’t my forte—never had the skill—so touching is my response in these situations. I pull him closer until there’s not an ounce of air left between our bodies; until we feel like one.
Drops of sweat already cover our skin when my whole body begins to tense, getting ready to release. I fill the room with my moans and he smiles down at me, knowing I’m close.
I hug him tighter and lock my legs on top of his waist, preventing him from moving from the exact spot he’s in. After I come, both my legs and arms relax, allowing him to move again. When he does, he speeds up and doesn’t stop until he has come as well. The roughness at the end puts me back in a euphoric state, making me come a second time.
I don’t know if it’s his experience, if he’s gifted, or if we just match, but I didn’t remember sex being this good.
He drops by my side, both of us panting, covered in sweat, and smiling like cheerful kids.
‘Wow…’ I manage to say.
‘Wow indeed.’ He chuckles.
I turn to my side, and he does the same, our bodies facing each other. His hand holds my chin, and he kisses my lips, kisses that I am now addicted to.
His finger traces my curves until he reaches my ass, and he grabs it with a full hand. He pulls me close to him, where I feel him growing again.
‘You are so hot.’ His voice is husky.
‘Save that second condom for later. I haven’t done this in a while, so I’m going to need to rest for a little bit,’ I say coyly.
‘I never said I brought two.’
‘Didn’t you say you think ahead?’ I wink.
He chuckles and lays his back down on the mattress, looking at me, arms folded by his side and hands under his head.
‘This is going to be fun,’ he teases back.