21. 스물하나 ‘sumulhana’
Elijah…Moon Hee…I really needed Daldust’s amazing advice right now. But the downside to having a pen pal is they are not available at the moment you need. Unless you plan your breakdowns with two to three days in mind for the mail delivery.
Elisa. That’s it!
I leave my room and walk to the edge of the stairs.
‘Elisa! Can you come here?’
It’s been a few minutes since a heartbroken Elijah left my room, and I’m freaking out.
‘On my way,’ my friend says, coming to the rescue. ‘What’s up?’ she asks, standing next to me.
I grab her hand and pull her to my room, closing the door behind us so no one hears.
‘I’m freaking out,’ I say, walking in circles in my room.
‘Lilah, breathe. Let’s sit, count to ten backwards and then tell me what’s going on.’ She puts her hands on my shoulders and sits me down on the bed.
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one…
‘Elijah told me he likes me,’ I confess.
Her eyes widen, and she exhales. ‘It’s about time.’
‘About time? It’s not time. There was no right time to tell me that. What am I supposed to do with that information?’
‘Do you like him?’ Elisa asks.
I look down at my trembling leg. ‘Not the way he likes me. But he just left with such a sad face. I hate this! I hated breaking Jeremiah’s heart, and that was a dead-end crush. With Elijah…I don’t want this to affect our friendship.’
‘It might be weird at first, but he’ll heal. It was wise to address it now instead of waiting for stronger feelings. But I do have to ask, is there a specific reason you don’t even consider him boyfriend material?’
‘We just don’t have that much in common,’ I say, looking at the ceiling.
‘Lilah, you always say that, but I don’t think that’s it. You have more in common than you make it seem. When I look at you two, I see a great pair.’ She waits until I look at her to add, ‘Is it perhaps the mysteriously alluring flatmate of his that can’t keep his eyes away from you?’
Words fail to leave my mouth. I have no answer.
‘Is it Moon Hee?’ my flatmate asks.
‘What? That’s insane,’ I say, avoiding her gaze, but her stare is too intense for me to ignore. ‘Fine, I don’t know!’ I sigh. ‘All this time I’ve only seen him as a great friend, but lately my mind has been playing tricks on me, making me believe there’s more there. I mean, he’s two years younger than me. I shouldn’t see him like that.’
‘Just because he’s younger?’ Elisa laughs. ‘Honey, he might be twenty-five, but we both know he’s wise beyond his age. Forget numbers, also forget that Elijah’s one year older. Age is just a number.’
Not for my mother…
‘I don’t know…my mind is a mess. I hadn’t even thought of dating in five years, and now two amazing candidates appear.’ My back drops on the bed.
Elisa joins me laying on the mattress. ‘Dig deep into you. Tell me your reason for not dating Elijah.’
I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, running my mind for the answer.
‘I want a deeper connection. Besides sex, I don’t feel it in my bones that Elijah and I connect. I can’t explain it. And if I’m being one hundred percent honest, the closest connection I feel to the one I want is with Moon Hee.’
‘So, why don’t you go talk with him?’ she asks.
‘He doesn’t like me like that.’
‘I’m sorry, have you met Moon Hee? If there was a stranger in the house right now, I would ask them to tell you how he looks at you. Maybe then you’d believe it.’ Elisa lifts herself up, glaring at me.
‘Every one of you is delusional. Why would he like me? Even Elijah said we have something. No, there’s nothing going on!’
‘We’re not delusional. You just refuse to see it.’
‘Nevermind. I’m done thinking about this tonight. Tonight is to party,’ I say, getting up. ‘Sofía is almost here, right? Shouldn’t we start getting ready?’
Elisa glances over at her watch and jumps off the bed. ‘We definitely should!’
My friend rushes down to her room, and I move to my wardrobe. I take out a light blue textured swimsuit with an open back and side cut-outs; it was the closest to a bikini I allowed Elisa to get me.
On top, I dress in the black see-through dress she insisted I get. As I look into the mirror, I do like how the pair work; it’s sexy but not too much. The see-through style gives a glance into the swimsuit, especially in the light, but it’s opaque enough to not give it all away.
I put on some black short heels and move on to my hair and makeup. If we’re going swimming, I’ll leave my short hair out—it’s not like I could do much with it either way—and only apply some waterproof mascara with a coloured lip balm.
When I’m ready to leave my bedroom, the doorbell rings and reminds me that with all of this, the pizza must have come and I didn’t hear it under the sound of my playlist playing when I was with Elijah.
My belly growls at the thought of food.
Since the stairs are closest to the outside door, I open it when I reach their bottom.
‘Sofía, welcome!’ I say.
‘Lilah! You look so pretty,’ she says with her cute accent.
‘Thank you.’ I smile. ‘Your room is through that door if you want to put down your baggage. Elisa should be there, getting ready.’
‘Thank you!’
‘Oh, and you look beautiful as well.’ She’s wearing a tight yellow dress with gold rhinestones across the sides.
I turn back into the living room and meet both men staring at me.
My body heats up and my hands tremble at the attention.
Fuck me. Fuck this life.
I run to the garden to catch my breath, hoping the cool breeze in the air will calm me down.
I hate attention. I used to feel invisible when I was younger, but five years ago I started dreading attention. Especially from the male gaze.
Footsteps sound running after me, but I need to be alone right now, so I run further away, getting inside the pool facility.
Inside, the air is warmer but comforting. The beautiful blue pool shines in the moonlight. The ceiling is transparent, allowing us to watch the stars while swimming or enjoying the hot tub. The walls might be opaque on the outside, but inside you can see the garden around.
From here I watch as the guy wearing black cargo pants and a bucket hat to match stands by the back door of the house, looking at the moon. His fair skin beams under the light and his shadows trace the muscles under his shirt.
I’d noticed Moon Hee’s athletic build the other night when he returned home after going for a run, and now even with his oversized shirt my eyes can trace his contours.
A minute later, his roommate joins him outside and Moon Hee points to where I stand.
My body heats again, so I take off my dress and jump into the pool.
I’m curled up underwater when a wave swings my body and two arms wrap around my torso. Soon enough, more waves surround me, but I keep my eyes closed until I no longer sense the arms around me.
Coming up to take a breath, I glance around me and see Moon Hee leaving the pool behind me.
‘Your Pisces self couldn’t wait to get in the water?’ Elisa jokes, diverting my attention to her.
‘I guess not.’ I give her a small smile, glancing back to watch him leave the facility.
‘Hey,’ Elijah says, closing in on me.
‘Hey.’ I avoid his gaze.
‘Let’s not let what happened before change us, please.’ His words pull my eyes to his.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I say in a low tone.
His hands hold my waist underwater and slide me to him.
‘Don’t tell me you’re sorry. Show me,’ he whispers in my ear.
‘Here?’ I ask under my breath. I turn my head to the side and find Elisa and Sofía kissing.
‘They’re distracted.’ Elijah say, seeing the same as me.
I glance once more outside, but there’s no sign of Moon Hee anywhere.
‘I’m not drunk enough for that,’ I say, giving him a kiss on the cheek and leaving the pool.
I watch the time and it’s twenty minutes until midnight. I’ll be back before it to wish Elisa a happy birthday.
I open the house’s back door to find Moon Hee pouring himself a glass of whiskey.
‘Going for the potent stuff, I see,’ I say, walking closer to him.
His head turns to me, but he stays silent. I hate it when he’s distant.
The glass meets his lips, and he gulps down half of the liquid inside. Moon Hee licks the remnants of the whiskey from his mouth and my eyes cannot stop staring.
Somehow this man of lesser words—that keeps most to himself but is so gentle and seems to be at the right place at the right time when I need him to—has been slowly sweeping his way into my heart.
‘Sometimes I wish I could read your mind,’ I say, my voice light as a feather. My eyes turn down to the table as I speak.
He places the glass in front of me and as he walks away to the sofa, he responds in a tone that matches mine, ‘Sometimes I wish I could tell you how every thought leads to you.’
I gasp. I must have not heard that right.
My gaze turns in his direction, eyes wide as the moon outside, but his back still faces me.
‘Why did you hold me in the pool?’
I watch as his shoulders rise and lower in a profound breath and the need to hug him engulfs me once more. Before I know it, my arms surround him as my head lays against his back.
We stay in this position for a while, the only words in the air coming from the sound speaker.
I loosen my grip on him and take a step back. Moon Hee turns around and stares into my eyes. ‘Why did you hold me just now?’
Then it hits me.
Does he understand my need to touch him? Does he have the same need for me?
The sound of the door opening interrupts our gaze and my body instinctively walks back to the table to grab a glass.
‘Two minutes until midnight!’ Sofía tells us. ‘Elisa told me to get the bottle of champagne and you two.’
‘On my way!’ I say, not looking back.
This is Elisa’s night, and it’s on her I’m going to focus. In fact, that will be my focus for the rest of the trip.
Outside, they’re all standing on the mowed lawn, my best friend’s girlfriend serving everyone a cup.
‘Elisa!’ I say, wrapping my arm around her and kissing her cheek. She looks at me and I smile. ‘Happy birthday!’
She looks at her watch that shows four zeros on the screen and smiles back. ‘I’m born again!’
‘Feliz cumplea?os, bebé.’ Sofía kisses her.
‘Here’s to another year. Happy birthday.’ Elijah toasts with his glass on hers.
‘Happy birthday, Elisa,’ I hear behind me, and a figure stops beside me.
My eyes trace his naked torso. His defined abs prominent in the moonlight. The shadows traced by the nine-tailed fox tattoo on his chest and the smaller ones on his arms. Everything is stripping the air out of me.
Before tonight, I thought Elijah was the hottest man I’d seen in real life, but it all changed three seconds ago when I laid eyes on Moon Hee.
He’s been hiding. Oh, he definitely has been hiding his physique. I’d notice he had more than he showed, but not like this. And it’s not even that he’s very muscular—he isn’t a bodybuilder—but if I ever needed an exact example of my perfect body type, he would be it.
‘You’re staring,’ the man I’m utterly mesmerised by whispers in my ear.
My eyes widen and while still catching up my breath, I say, ‘Well…Well…Your tattoos are really beautiful.’
‘You know what?’ I burst, desperate to change subjects. ‘Elijah, I will take you up on that offer to get one. I think it’s time. I’ve always wanted one, or many, and I think I’m ready to take that leap.’
‘Fantastic! Come by the shop this week and we’ll talk details,’ he says.
‘You know what would be even better? If we all got a matching tattoo, something that even when all hell breaks loose and we talk no more, we can look at and smile at all these amazing moments we have,’ I say.
‘That’s actually very sweet. I love the idea!’ Elisa beams.
‘Except Sofía, you all have met my parents, and you saw how little we get along. Besides them, my only other family was my Nana, but when she passed away, I was lost without anyone who I could count on until Elisa came.’ I hold her hand and smile at her before gesturing to the guys. ‘And then you two showed up, and well, I haven’t felt this happy in a long time, maybe never.’
The stars become blurry and a fresh tear rolls down my cheek.
I chuckle, wanting to lighten up the mood. ‘What I’m trying to say is that many are lucky to have a blood family they can rely on, but I’m even luckier because I got one, despite not being related to them, who feels more like home than the one I was born into.’
‘Lilah! Why are you making me cry on my birthday?’ My best friend hugs me and the guys join in.
I look to my side and watch Sofía standing by our side and gesture for her to take her place in the hug.
We release each other, and I turn to the new girl. ‘From all the people that I’ve seen Elisa with, you are hands down my favourite.’ I tilt my head in thought. ‘There was Alexa. She was okay, but wasn’t around much for me to get her to know her. Then there was John. I don’t really remember him, just hearing his name being screamed throughout the entire house. Then there was Mark,’ I say, now turning to the birthday woman. ‘I’m so glad you broke up with him. He was the worst one of them all, like such an arsehole, I don’t know how you put up with him…’
‘Well, he was great in bed and he would also help me with my homework. He’s the reason I passed geometry,’ Elisa says.
‘Yes, but his ego was the size of his head!’
‘Oh, it wasn’t that bad—his head I mean—the ego was for sure big.’
Everyone is staring at us, amusement plastered in their eyes.
‘People went by him in the hallways saying, hey Arnold, it was that bad.’ I look at her, dead serious. ‘Anyway, Melissa was rude, and I think that’s about it for the ones that I actually learned their names, because after a while I just stopped asking.’
‘At least mine have names. For Elijah, I remember Jennifer, Vanessa, Serena…’ Elisa directs the attention away from her.
‘Serena? She dated you, not me,’ Elijah says.
‘Oh yeah, I remember Serena…I think.’ My flatmate continues. ‘Fine, not Serena. Oh, there was Megan, and after that just became the brunette, blonde, redhead. The one with the piercings, the one with the Dior purse or the Chanel purse. The one who left her earrings in my car, or was it her shoes? Probably both. I had to disinfect my back seats after that.’
‘Wait, didn’t you say you’ve only known each other for the space of a year?’ Sofía asks.
‘Yes,’ I say.
‘Oh, wow. ’
‘In all fairness, the ones I named for Elisa were throughout the nine years I’ve known her. For Elijah, I can’t say much.’
‘Lilah did not want to party with us, so I had to find fun in other places.’ He winks at me.
‘But is this party starting or what? I did not take my shirt off to stand outside,’ Moon Hee says.
‘No, you took your shirt off because you soaked yours before when you dove in fully dressed,’ Elijah jokes, being the first to walk towards the pool facility.