Chapter 4
Skylar
I show up at Ava’s apartment at ten with a box of pastries from a local German bakery and two vanilla cold brews.
I don’t bother knocking, using the spare key she gave me to let myself in.
“Aves! I’m here!” I call from the kitchen.
“Just getting dressed! Be right out!”
Do not think about your best friend naked. Do not think about your best friend naked.
I busy myself getting a plate from the cupboard and placing the treats on it so my thoughts don’t wander.
It doesn’t work very well.
Ava wanders in, her short brown hair still slightly damp from her shower, her skin slightly flushed.
Do not think about your best friend in the shower.
Dammit. It’s been a hot minute since I got laid, but has it really been so long I can’t even have decent thoughts about my oldest friend?
“You’re my favorite person ever,” she says, grabbing one of the drinks and taking a long sip.
“It’s pretty sad if coffee and pastries get me to the number one spot,” I tease, even though hearing her say it makes my heart warm.
Ava rolls her eyes. “It’s not like you’ve got much competition. But even if you did, you’d still be my favorite.”
“Thanks,” I deadpan. “What’s on the cleaning agenda today?”
“I actually finished everything last night.”
“Ah, so you were stress cleaning?”
Ava scowls at me, so I raise an eyebrow at her, and she reluctantly nods.
Then, she straightens her spine and lifts her chin. “But you’ll be proud of me because I downloaded two dating apps last night and already have three matches!”
Aw fuck.
Ava’s actually ready to get out there and start dating?
I knew this day would come eventually. But she just turned down David; I thought she wasn’t ready.
I hope my smile comes off as supportive and not like the grimace it is. “That’s… great, Aves. I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there.” Truly, I am. It’s a big step, especially since Shea was the only serious relationship she’s ever had.
But…
Who are you kidding, Sky? Did you think she’d magically start liking women after her divorce? That she’d randomly develop feelings for you after all these years?
“Thanks, Sky. It’s scary how many people are out there, especially once you account for both genders and nonbinary people.
There are so many options to choose from, and I don’t know how best to vet them.
What if they’re a serial killer or hate kids?
It’s pretty obvious I’m a single mom, though, because I had to use some pictures from our last family photo shoot.
I do not take a lot of pictures of myself. ”
My brain does a record scratch.
“Hold on. Rewind. Go back. Both genders and nonbinary people? Ava, you’re straight.”
Ava’s cheeks turn bright red. “Yeah, so about that…” She holds her hands up and does jazz hands. “Surprise. I’m bisexual—pansexual? Queer? To be determined. But I’m definitely not straight.”
I can’t stop my mouth from dropping open. “For how long?”
That’s a dumb question, Skylar.
Ava gives me an incredulous look. “Well, probably for as long as I’ve been alive.
But I’ve only realized it since the divorce.
I’ve been working through the new… feelings I’ve been having with my therapist. Lots of discussions about comp-het and my inability to explore this side of myself because of the church.
Lots of deconstructing the internalized homophobia I was taught to feel. ”
I’m speechless. I have no idea what to say, but I know being silent right now might give her the wrong impression. She might think I’m judging her or think less of her—which I don’t. I’m just… shocked.
And it’s not that I’m not happy about her discovering her sexuality, but now with the possibility she could feel the same way about me as I feel about her is actually on the table, my brain is short circuiting.
“Ava, that’s so great,” I manage to say, my voice wobbly. “Sorry.” I shake my head. “I didn’t expect you to come out to me today, so I’m a bit shocked.”
Ava gives me an understanding smile. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about my newly realized sexual orientation for a while now, but I never knew when the right time was.
I figured you wouldn’t… ya know, think less of me or anything, but it’s still scary.
You’re the only person other than my therapist who knows. ”
I round the counter and wrap her in a hug.
I melt when her tense shoulders slump, and she leans into me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
My cheek rests on the side of her head, and I’m assaulted by the subtle floral scent of her hair products.
I stop myself short of burying my nose in her hair and inhaling.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
She pulls back and looks at me, her honey eyes with splashes and swirls of emerald are full of an emotion I can’t define. “There’s no one I trust more, Sky.”
Goosebumps erupt across my skin the longer our eyes stay connected, and maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I swear her eyes dart down to my lips.
Whatever tension I thought I felt disappears as she clears her throat and steps back.
“Did you want to go out tonight instead? Or do you want to stay in? If we go out, I could practice flirting…” she trails off, then gets a look on her face telling me she does not want to do that: a subtle scrunch of her nose and squint of her eyes.
“Nah. You’ve still had a rough week and deserve to relax.
I brought face masks and snacks, and we can order in from the Thai place you like.
Celebrity Dance Off just announced Scarlett Ricky will be in their lineup for next season, and she’s the first plus-size celebrity they’ve had, so maybe we should watch past seasons and get caught up?
I heard they’re pairing her with Miles Kip, and he’s one of the most brutal professionals. ”
“Ooo, yes. Scarlett is so hot, she’s going to kill it next season. I used to love watching the show when I was younger. Last season, they had all the Olympians, so we should definitely watch it.”
Scarlett and I have a similar body type, which is why I like her so much. Her bubbly personality and killer fashion sense makes her extra charming. She’s the first celebrity I’ve really seen myself in, and I love all the work she’s doing for the body positivity movement.
But the fact Ava finds Scarlett hot makes me think…
No. I can’t go there and get my hopes up. Ava and I are friends. Just friends.
“I’ll get the snacks and face masks from my car, and we can get set up in the living room.” I could use the burst of late February chill to calm my heated nerves.
“Okay. Do you want any help?”
“No, I’m good.”
Or at least, I will be if I can get my emotions in check.