Chapter 14 #2
She smiles sadly, and when I step toward her, she shakes her head, then glances toward the end of her pew.
I follow her gaze, and my heart stops.
Nate’s sitting alone at the end, his head dropped in his hands.
She wants me to go to him, and without one ounce of hesitation, I move on instinct and head in his direction.
My heart sinks, and more tears well in my eyes, when I stand in front of him; he doesn’t even register that someone is there.
He’s devastated, as we all are, but Nate is sensitive, and his heart is larger than anyone’s I know.
I can’t stand the thought of him feeling like he’s all alone, so I sit beside him. Even when his body freezes from my presence, I reach over and take his hand in mine, squeezing it to signify I’m here for him.
Despite our relationship failing, I will always care for Nate. He means more to me than hard feelings from our past.
I left him the last time he needed me, when Camila was diagnosed, and it’s eaten away at me for the last two and a half years. That’s not who I am, and I’m not going to let him down again.
The service starts, and I let my eyes wander the room.
Where is Sebastian?
Mason said he fell into a deep depression, but he wouldn’t have missed this, would he?
I see a shadow from the corner of my eyes, and I realize now that he’s been here all along…alone.
He’s in dark clothing, with a hood up, hiding away from the rest of the world, but I don’t miss the haunted expression on his face.
He catches me staring, and I know he’s in the dark to be alone, but I don’t give him the courtesy of staying there.
I keep my eyes locked on his, then nod to the empty seat beside me.
He shakes his head and turns his attention back to the altar.
Now he knows I’m here for him too, that he isn’t alone if he doesn’t want to be.
Nate’s grip tightens in mine as Harrison steps up to say some words, Claudina secure in his arms. Besides letting me hold her, he hasn’t let her down once.
Nate’s body begins to vibrate from silent sobs, and I can’t take it any longer; he needs me just as much as I need him. I unlock our fingers and place my arm around him to pull him closer. He slouches and leans his head on my shoulder, and I follow, placing my cheek against his forehead.
The embrace is comforting, familiar in a way it shouldn’t feel right now.
When it’s time to carry the coffin out, all the men in the family rise and walk to the front. But my attention is in the corner of the room, silently begging Sebastian to join them.
He will regret this if he doesn’t.
It’s not until they are halfway down the aisle that he appears.
There are some gasps, probably at his appearance or attendance.
However, the way Rosa lights up, despite the somber energy, makes me think she knew he was here all along.
“Hey, we need to leave in a few minutes. You should start your goodbyes now.” Mase comes up to Addie and me, who rushed home from a work trip but didn’t make it to the funeral.
She’s here now, though, at the Moraleses’ household, and that’s all that counts.
“Yeah. Okay.”
He kisses Addie’s cheek. “See you next week?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
Mason’s team is in the playoffs, and Addie and I are going to the first game in Seattle.
I throw my arms around her shoulders, and she buries her head into my chest. Coming in at only five feet, two inches, she barely hits my shoulder.
“I want to say so much right now, but if we talk about her, I’m going to start sobbing again.”
Addie nods, agreeing with me. “She should be coming with us next week.”
Of course, we asked her to come to Seattle; we would never have left her out, but being a new mom with a newborn doesn’t leave time for trips, and we got that.
Never in a million years did we think it would be because of recurrent cancer.
“I love you.” I step back, knowing that staying in her arms will only make it harder to leave.
“Love you more.”
Before we go, I need to do one thing.
I step inside Camila’s childhood room and find a picture of her and me when she visited USC on her nightstand.
The room hasn’t changed one bit since I met her.
Everywhere I look, I sense her. Our memories together are strong in my mind, and I vow never to forget them. To keep them alive and share everything with Claudina as she gets older.
“You should take that picture home with you.”
I spin on my heels to find Nate standing with his hands in his suit pockets and his legs crossed. He leans against the doorframe, staring at me.
“I couldn’t.”
“Mom was going to give it to you anyway. You should have it.”
I nod and wipe my tears. I put it in my purse and plan to move it from one bedside to another.
“It’s good to see you, Mads,” he says softly, stepping into the space between us like it still belongs to him. “I’ve missed you.”
“Nate…” My voice is barely above a whisper.
He takes another step closer. “Thank you for being there for me today. It means everything.”
“You would do the same for me.”
“I would do anything for you.” His gaze flickers over my face.
“Can we talk, please? I have so much to say.” He’s so close I can feel his breath brush against my skin.
I should step back and move away from the temptation, but it’s been too long since I’ve seen him or felt this fire that ignites my insides.
And I hate to admit it, but it’s good to see him, too.
“Not now. It’s not the right time.”
He reaches up and cups my cheek, the air crackling between us. “There’s no such thing. The right time is whenever we choose it.”
His eyes hold mine, and I see all his emotions written over his face.
Longing.
Regret.
Love.
And that causes my resolve to slip.
His thumb caresses my dimple, and the familiar touch forces my eyes to close and a soft sigh to escape my lips. Nate takes this opportunity to lean forward and press his lips to my dimple.
My body sighs in relief, as it’s been waiting for this day to come.
My eyes lift and connect with my favorite color of blue.
The connection and electricity that buzzes between us is stronger than ever, and instead of pulling back, we lean closer, cementing what I would admit to no one…I still love him.
His lips move to mine, and my eyes close in recognition.
“Madeline?” Mase’s voice from the hallway breaks us apart. I jerk back and drop my head, my heart pounding against my chest, as it rises in quick succession.
“This isn’t the place to be doing this,” I snap, looking around Camila’s room and cursing under my breath. “God, what were we thinking?”
“Don’t.” Nate’s broken voice hits me in the chest.
I get one last good look at him, and then force myself to turn away. “Goodbye, Nate,” I say, ignoring how he calls after me, and leave before we make any more mistakes.