ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛𝟞
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I shift my position in bed, my arm immediately reaching for Cameron's warmth, but instead, my hand met cool sheets.
I crack open one eye.
His side of the bed was empty. Where could this man have gone to now?
The comforter had already been folded back neatly, his pillow slightly indented where his head had rested, and judging by how cold the mattress felt, he'd been gone for a while.
I sighed quietly. "Cam?"
The bedroom answered with silence.
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before slipping out of bed, tugging one of Cameron's old hoodies over my sleep shirt. It still smelled faintly like detergent.
I padded downstairs barefoot.
Halfway down the staircase, I heard a printer clicking, and a bunch of pages flipping.
I rounded the corner into the dining room. The table had disappeared beneath the paper.
Maps stretched from one end to the other, volunteer sign-up sheets.
A laptop sat open beside three empty coffee mugs.
Molly's school picture rested beside a yellow legal pad he'd probably stolen from me, completely filled with Cameron's handwriting.
He sat in the middle of all of it. He hadn't even noticed me yet.
"Cameron."
His head immediately lifted. The second his eyes landed on me, his entire face softened.
"There she is." He smiled.
It was smaller than usual, but still undeniably Cameron. He pushed his chair back before walking over to me without hesitation.
"Morning." His hands settled naturally around my waist as he leaned down to kiss my forehead, followed by my nose, then finally my lips.
The kiss lingered only a second, but it was long enough to say good morning.
"Morning." I replied.
His hand brushed gently through my messy curls. "How'd you sleep?"
I studied him instead of answering.
His hair looked like he'd run his fingers through it a hundred times, and his T-shirt had wrinkles across the front.
He looked put together. Only barely.
Then I completely ignore his question. "You've been awake?"
"I woke up early." He smiled sheepishly.
"You never wake up early."
"I do sometimes."
I close my eyes. "Let's be real."
His smile grew slightly. "Okay."
"How long?"
He glanced toward the table. "Around four."
"It's barely seven. You've been down here for three hours?"
"I couldn't sleep." He rubbed the back of his neck.
For a moment neither of us spoke. His eyes drifted back toward the maps, like his thoughts couldn't stay away for long.
I followed his gaze. There had to be fifty pages spread across the table.
I walked over slowly. "What is all this?"
"I printed everything I could find." He joined me.
He pointed toward several maps. "This is the route from Molly's school. These are nearby neighborhoods."
"Search volunteers covered this section already." He tapped another page.
"And then this one's security cameras."
My eyes moved across the papers. Everything was organized.
"You did all this?" I say, a bit taken aback.
He shrugged.
"I couldn't just..sit."
I quietly reached over and gathered three empty coffee mugs. "When did you eat?"
"I don't know. I had coffee." He smiled tiredly.
Without another word, I carried the mugs into the kitchen sink. The faucet hissed to life. I rinsed them before setting them aside.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see him.
Once done, I opened the refrigerator, and grabbed a container of strawberries.
Might as well start somewhere. The water ran over the fruit as I gently rolled everything through my hands.
"You know, if you pass out from forgetting to eat you're going to make finding Molly significantly harder." I said over the sound of the sink.
That earned a genuine laugh. "I suppose that's true."
I dried the fruit before arranging everything into one of the ceramic bowls. I carried it back over before setting it directly on top of one of his maps.
He looked at the bowl. "Dix, I'm not really..."
I gave him a look.
"Yes, ma'am."
He reached for a strawberry. Before eating it, though, he stopped directly in front of me cupping my face gently.
"I love you."
My heart softened immediately.
His thumb brushed my cheek.
He smiled faintly. "Thank you. I really appreciate that."
"You don't have to thank me for washing fruit." I looked down briefly before meeting his eyes again.
He leaned down, kissing me properly this time. When he pulled back, his forehead rested against mine for just a second.
"I don't know what I'd do without you." He said softly.
Gee, all this adoration and affection was only going to make Thursday worse for him and I both.
I swallowed hard. "It's a good thing you'll never have to find out."
His smile returned. "Good."
Only then did he pick up another strawberry. He popped it into his mouth.
Satisfied, I crossed my arms. "What are you looking at now?"
"The route from school." He shifted one of the pages toward me.
I leaned over his shoulder.
I pointed to the images highlighted in blue marker. "What do the blue marks mean?"
"Witnesses." He said, rubbing his eyes.
"And red?"
"Places police already searched."
"Aren't you determined?" I say, smiling at him.
His smile tugged slightly at one corner of his mouth. Without taking his eyes off the papers, one hand reached behind him until it found my wrist.
He gently tugged, and I stumbled half a step.
"Cameron, where exactly am I supposed to go?"
He finally looked up. "Here."
He guided me sideways until I was sitting across his lap.
It happened so naturally it almost felt normal.
I adjusted quickly, one arm looping loosely around his shoulders while he settled one hand against my waist like it belonged there.
"Isn't that much better than breaking your back over some papers?" he asked.
I looked at him before covering my face with my hands.
"I was caught off guard."
"Mhm." His chin rested briefly against my shoulder before his attention wandered back toward the table.
I watched him work. His fingers never stopped moving, and neither did his mind.
I rested my head lightly against his hair. "I think you're trying to solve something you can't."
His pen stopped. "I know."
His honesty surprised me. "I know I probably can't."
"I just..."
His jaw tightened. "I mean, I can't do nothing."
I reached over, quietly taking the pen from his fingers.
"I'd fix all of it if I could." He leaned into my hand for just a second.
"I know you would."
He eventually set the papers aside as his fingers absentmindedly traced circles against my side.
"Dad called this morning. They're meeting with the investigator around ten."
I looked up. "Already?"
"They don't want to waste time."
He swallowed. "I think they're interviewing everybody."
"Makes sense." I nodded slowly.
He hesitated. "Dix, my mom..she's not holding up well."
I didn't answer. There wasn't really anything to say.
"My dad's holding everything together. Barely."
"And Jonathan..I don't think anybody's really looked at Jonathan."
Gosh, I couldn't even imagine how Jonathan was feeling.
Watching your parents fall apart, your older brother search every waking hour, watching the cops walk through your house.
Knowing your sister was simply gone.
My chest tightened.
"He keeps telling everybody he's okay, but come on..."
"He's in the 3rd grade, he shouldn't have to be okay." Cam finished.
"No. He shouldn't." I say.
"I was wondering..."
He looked back at me. He almost looked nervous asking.
"Do you want to come with me? To Mom and Dad's."
"You don't have to."
"I know things with my mom are..."
He awkwardly gestured. "Weird."
That almost made me smile.
"But I think it'd mean a lot."
I thought about Polly and her countless sideways comments. The feeling that I'd never quite been enough for her son.
Then I thought about Jonathan. A little boy caught in the middle of a nightmare he didn't create.
I'd have to go, even if I didn't want to. This would be the best way to show Cam I could be here for him.
"I'll come."
"You will?"
I nodded. "Of course."
His eyes closed briefly. "Oh gee..that's great."
"Thanks, Dix." He kissed my forehead softly.
I smiled back, though something inside my chest tightened.
As I held him there, feeling him slowly breathe easier in my arms, one thought quietly crept back into my mind.
Be there for him now.
Because soon...
You'll have to choose whether you can be there for him again.
~