Chapter 36
Mei
Istand there, and the dark has never felt more cold and more full of monsters.
I don’t think I could protect myself even if I wanted to. I lean in closer, trying to hear the conversation.
“What do you mean you made a deal?” Diablos’ voice is colder than I’ve ever heard it. “I thought it was just a saying. Are you telling me you actually made a binding contract with someone?”
“With whom?” Stix snarls.
I slide my fingers up the cold wood of the door, feeling sick.
“We don’t know. A witch. Something with enough magic to give us legs for twelve months. The deal we made was drawn in blood. We got these black tattoos around our wrists when we made it,” Lirin says mournfully.
I exhale roughly, inhale, hold it, and exhale again as I struggle to stand upright. What did they do? There is only one creature who leaves magic inked on another’s skin.
Only one.
I lift my hand to my mouth to stop the scream.
Deux. They made a deal with Deux.
“Twelve…are you insane?” Stix thunders, and the shadows leap from the walls. I can feel them dancing around us.
“We had to find and kill the Fae who trapped us, but they are already dead or hidden, we never had a chance,” Brio says suddenly. “Or the creature offered a second option: we give it Mei.”
I go perfectly still.
Give me to that thing? To Deux? Did they hate me so much?
Leaf snarls, and his scales rattle violently.
“You would have killed her?” Styx says in horror.
“We’re never getting out of that ocean. She killed who we thought was our only mate. The deal was struck. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And then…well, she’s Mei. We couldn’t do it. So, we tried to find another solution with Diablos,” Ronit explains wearily.
Stix seethes, and the darkness expands and contracts like it’s a breathing monster. But if Stix is terrifying, he’s got nothing on Leaf. I can feel the tsunami coming. His rage is riding the black waves, the power to destroy worlds racing towards us.
But isn’t it right that I should die?
Would it be better to die from the hand of one I loved?
But then they would suffer seeing my death in their eyes all the time. In their mind.
Their anger and rage suddenly makes sense. I destroyed their chances to escape, their chances to go back to who they were. All these years, I could not understand why. They were innocent, and I was the idiot who slammed the door of their jail cell closed.
I turn away from the door, unable to hear anything more. I curl my shoulders and stagger back the way I came, barely paying any attention.
I am nothing.
I will never be anything.
Shut up! Not helpful.
How can I fix this?
I think about that day I set the skies on fire. It’s a blur, I was hurting everywhere. Deux was there wearing someone’s skin, and he stabbed me. I remember losing control, letting all my emotions out.
All of them.
In a way I hadn’t ever before.
Had I really trapped them there? If someone trapped me somewhere, I would want to kill them, too. Their anger makes sense. I can understand all of it, but beneath the understanding is this vicious and intense, horrible feeling that tears me apart.
I don’t want to lose them.
They will be slaves to Deux.
A sob catches in my throat; my hands tremble. I find myself slowing to a stop, doubled over, just trying to breathe through it.
The low burn of my heat simmers and then ignites. What? Why is it back again? Why am I having another one?
I stagger away, unwilling to let us all descend into that madness again.
They made a deal with Deux, my enemy, my true enemy.
They don’t even know what they’ve done. Bitter, helpless anger ripples through me, bleeding through my veins, but not at them. No, this anger is directed at me.
I should hate them, I try really hard to, but I don’t have it in me.
I thought they were my mates. Even after what I did, I still thought we were mates. How could they love anything like me? I’m…I don’t even know what I am.
Part monster.
Part human.
Part something else.
I shove up off the wall and stumble out of the house, heading towards where I can smell the salt from the ocean. I find the stairs that lead down to the beach and stumble my way down them, almost falling.
I step into the water. One step. The waves hit my ankles and suck at my legs, drawing me out. This time, instead of fear, instead of panic, I go out until I’m neck-deep. Then I duck under the waves, my feet not touching the bottom, and I scream.
I scream until I’ve got no air left, until there’s nothing but this ringing in my head and an agony that feels worse than when Deux tore out my eyes.
Scales brush against my legs and push me to the surface. My lungs burn when I am finally shoved out of the water, but the heat scent is hidden.
“Strega,” Lirin murmurs, and the sound of him saying that in such a gentle, affectionate way has me throwing myself at him, burying my face in his neck, inhaling the wet, salty scent of him. The dragon fruit hits a moment later, bringing with it a powerful longing.
I wish I could keep them. I wish they could be mine.
I don’t dare say the words, I have been selfish and cruel. Without ever meaning to be.
I have been a monster.
“Mei, what’s wrong?”
I shake my head, not daring to open my mouth, because the words might come pouring out, and then how would I live with myself.
He lifts us out of the water and carries me back up the stairs. Right back to where I want to be, but exactly where I shouldn’t be. The air is cold, and I shiver, wanting to go back in the water where it’s warm, where I can scream until it takes me beneath the waves.
“Hey, Lirin!”
Lirin sets me down, his fingers still shackled around my wrist.
Deux is going to come for me. Or them. He will make them suffer if the terms of the agreement aren’t met.
The heat that has been sizzling in my blood blooms into the air around me. Lirin turns, and I can feel the deadly strength, that alpha scent gets richer and deeper.
I step back, pulling my wrist free.
It’s too late. I don’t get to say goodbye.
One chance. One shot.
But I am the only one who has survived him. I can do it again.
It’s going to hurt.
I’ve spent my whole life hurting, if there was anyone who could pull this off, it’s me.
“I wish I could see you,” I say. “Just once, I wish I could see what you looked like.”
“Mei?”
I shake him off, it’s harder than I expect.
“I don’t want to have my heat with you again. Fae,” I spit the words like it’s a slur. “Sirens. Whatever the fuck you are. I don’t want forgotten dragons and cursed fish to knot me. You made a deal with Deux!” I spit. “I will never forgive you.”
I can feel the smoky anger of Lirin’s temper igniting.
“Forgotten dragons?” Leaf says in a quiet voice that thunders like the roar of a distant wave.
“Deux? What does he have to do with this?” Ronit snaps.
“You’re going to trade me to that monster for your freedom? Black bands on the wrist with a knotted, interlocking pattern and a skull? That’s Deux’s mark.”
They are silent, listening, staring, shock, horror.
Slam it home, Healer. Destroy them.
“Yes. Forgotten. You all kidnapped me. You held me captive. No more.”
“Mei,” Stix says in warning.
“Shut up!” I scream at him. “Where were you? Where were you?” I scream, and I don’t have to pretend.
“I needed you. You were supposed to be the biggest, the baddest. I was too young, how could I have fought him off? Where were you when it could have helped? Why weren’t you there when I ran? For years, one step ahead of him?”
“Healer,” Puppy snarls.
“You could have stopped him,” I say brokenly. “You’re the Grim. Don’t you get it? You could have saved me.”
“It is not our way,” Puppy says, and I think there’s regret there.
“FUCK YOUR WAY! I’m not one of you. I’m not part of anyone.” Power spills out of me, but it’s broken and fractured, just like me.
“You’re an omega queen,” Diablos says in awe. “Mei, stop, we can help you.”
I shake my head; it makes sense, but it no longer matters.
“We can keep you safe now,” Wilder implores.
I bark a laugh. “Your success rate so far has been less than,” I hiss.
My form shivers, my legs lengthen just a little, my body heats like fire, my horns tear through my scalp, and my face changes to the shape I chose long ago. Something monstrous, something terrifying. Something that survives evil.
“You’re one of us,” Diablos says in shock. “Your eyes, your eyes were black once, weren’t they?”
Obsidian black, Mother used to call them. Solid black with no white. No colour.
None of it matters.
“Stop!” Ronit commands.
I ignore him.
“Strega, wait!” Brio shouts.
Reed rushes towards me, but I move faster, stepping to the side.
“You thought I was an animal,” I sneer. “Maybe I am.”
“We were wrong,” Canto says, and there’s a tremble in his voice.
I cock my head, listening intently.
“Stay, please.”
I want to. I want to take back all these words I don’t mean. But if I do that, we all die.
I curl my lip. “Why would I stay for you? Liars. Deceivers.”
“Mei!” Leaf shouts, and he rushes to me, I turn, and I feel him go straight past me. Too close. I swear, his lips skim mine, but, no, that’s just a memory.
“We are enemies. And we always will be. You want to make deals to send me back to Nightmare? Fine…catch me first,” I snarl.
“No, wait, you don’t understand-” Lirin shouts, but I’m sketching a rune.
It’s too late.
I’m gone.
I stand in the silence, the cold, frigid silence. There are no Siren songs around me. I can’t feel the shadows moving and pulling towards the nightmares. The dragon isn’t a roar of ocean. There’s nothing.
If I could cry, I think I would.
Instead, I tip my head back again and let out an undulating cry of pure agony.
I kneel in the dirt, clasping my stomach, feeling the hated burn of my heat.
It’s here. Another heat. All these years of suppressing it have come back to bite me in the ass. This is where I should be with my alphas, but I can’t, I won’t make us that vulnerable.
But I can trap this asshole.
I can use my heat against him.
I can kill him.
One chance, it’s all I have, and I’m strong enough now. I’m skilled and capable. I’m not a kid, and I’m not a slave to my body’s urges.
There is something I have to fight for. Six people who are worth saving. Who belong in the world and deserve their freedom.
I stand up and ignore the clench of my body, the slick that gathers between my thighs, the ache inside.
Pictures of my shiver flash through my mind, but I bite my cheek until it bleeds and pull out a scrap of fabric from mid-air, hanging the delicate veil from my horns to cover my eye sockets.
Brio’s beautiful mask I leave on the forest floor.
Must keep moving.
I pick a direction and start walking. With determination, I avoid the cities and towns, staying to the wilds, the forests and mountains. I leave my scent trail, deliberately cloying. Thick and vulnerable.
Several predators come, drawn by my scent, but they take one look at me, and they run.
As they should.
I find a clearing and walk the perimeter, claiming the land. Marking the trees with claw marks full of my scent.
They come sniffing as my heat drives me higher and higher into an agony I’ve never felt before. I sweat, I shake, I suffer.
But I don’t call for them. I wait. I hunt.
The perfect huntress, I am exactly what he made me. What they all made me.
My senses seep into the forest, into the environment completely. I can hear the movement of bugs, feel each shadow. The Earth’s groans are mine, and I use that to center myself and not fall into a mess.
My heat rages and ravages my body.
I ignore my hunger and my thirst.
I ignore the pain, even though I feel like it’s taking my sanity with it.
I don’t think about them.
I shove all thoughts of them into a box, and I bury it.
On the fifth day, the forest falls silent.
I stay relaxed, waiting.
“Rowwannneeee,” Deux whispers, his voice sounding like the grim death rattle from a thousand dying men. “I found you, and now I shall feast, at last.”