10. Oh God, I Giggled?
Oh God, I Giggled?
Zoe
Five (and a half) Years Ago
A practice date.
I considered it as I braced myself on the basin in the small bathroom. I’d had too much to drink to be thinking about any kind of date with Leo. I wasn’t drunk, but I was definitely riding a gentle buzz, and my attraction to him was strong.
I was into Leo — there was no doubting it now.
Being in Leo’s apartment alone was strangely nice. I felt like I could soak him in without any guilt.
I drove up here earlier on, and while he was downstairs working, he told me to help myself to anything, make myself at home, and get ready for our date tonight.
I put on some music and took a shower, then, wrapped in one of his towels, with another covering my hair, I wandered around his space.
It was so him . All cool, retro furniture pieces and bold artwork on the dark gray walls. I opened his closet and ran my fingers over the clothes hanging there. He was always so neat. Luke had taken a little more convincing and a whole lot of training to get him to use the laundry basket and know how to load the dishwasher. Leo liked order, he liked tidiness, and I loved that about him.
I resisted the urge to use his shower gel, wanting to smell like me tonight and not him, but in his bedroom, I couldn’t resist the need to inhale the woodsy scent of his cologne. Oh god, that did things to me. I knew now more than ever that I was too far gone in my attraction to him. I needed to find a way to switch it off.
Moving to his bed, I sat as my cell phone buzzed on the nightstand.
Bree: What are you doing tonight? I’m bored!
Shit . I hadn’t told Bree about the practice date. I couldn’t. When I’d told her about me kissing Leo, she had smiled and said about time and that she knew there was something there. It made me uneasy because I didn’t want to acknowledge that she was right. Now, I was naked in his bedroom and getting ready to go on a date with him. Practice or not, I was nervous, and my twin knowing would make it a bigger deal than I had the head or heart space for.
Me: I have a migraine. I’m sleeping it off.
I hated lying to Bree. It wasn’t something I did lightly, but I needed to keep her off this scent before she started digging.
I put my phone on the nightstand, and my eyes fell on the drawer. Leo had left it partially open, and I shouldn’t. I knew I shouldn’t, but my curiosity about what a single man kept in there — what Leo kept in there — got the better of me.
I looked toward the door, even though I knew he wasn’t coming home until it was time for our date, then shaking my head, I opened the drawer.
The first thing I laid my eyes on was a tube of moisturizer and a ChapStick, which made me smile. Then I saw the jumbo box of condoms and inhaled sharply. I tried not to focus on the XL on the front of the box, but honestly, I couldn’t unsee that. I also couldn’t unsee the not one but three bottles of lube, the massage oil, and the silk ties; there was only one reason those ties were in the nightstand and not the closet, and the realization had me closing the drawer in a rush.
I wasn’t a prude, not by any means. I had loved sex with Luke. We were each other’s firsts and onlys, and we had dedicated our time together to learning together. We were adventurous and curious, and it was great, but since he died, my only sexual experiences were solo. I had toys and enjoyed using them, but seeing all these things in Leo’s drawer, considering the reality of how often he hooked up, had my brain going to places I didn’t need it to go.
I should have known better. I shouldn’t have snooped, but if I was honest, part of me wanted to see those things. Maybe it was to remind myself that Leo and I were not on the same page. He was out there, meeting women, getting laid, and I was just starting to consider that, really, for the first time. Or, maybe it was something else. Maybe the thought of him using those things was what I wanted, what I needed.
Inhaling deeply, I squeezed my eyes shut. I needed to stop this. This wasn’t real. He was helping me out, and I couldn’t go on this practice date with thoughts of him naked circling my brain.
I couldn’t help but laugh as the knock on the door of Leo’s apartment told me he was there to pick me up . He’d showered and got ready at his gym after his workout.
I opened the door and felt the heat that immediately rushed up my neck at the sight of him. He stood there in dark jeans and a dark blue t-shirt and denim jacket, holding a bunch of pink roses, and as my eyes reached his, but found them wide and traveling slowly up the short length of my body, I swallowed hard.
‘Wow, you look,’ he smirked as his eyes met mine, ‘you look beautiful, Zoe.’
I had chosen a pretty short, fitted black dress. I’d never been particularly curvy; I’m petite, but I loved the way it fitted me and accentuated what little tits and ass I did have.
‘Thank you,’ I said, my voice smaller than usual as nerves squeezed my throat.
Leo leaned in to kiss my cheek, way more formal than his usual head kisses, but my stomach fluttered with the wings of the butterflies taking flight in there, and that scent that had affected me earlier filled my nostrils. God, he smelled good.
‘These are for you.’ He held out the roses, and I giggled. Oh god, I giggled ?
‘Thank you.’ I took them and carried them inside, putting them in a pitcher and quickly half-filling it with water.
‘Shall we?’
I took a deep inhale and nodded. We were doing this.
‘Hello, welcome. Do you have a reservation?’
The pretty young hostess smiled as we entered the restaurant. It was a cool, old converted post office, and now pretty much matched the décor at the tattoo shop and his apartment. Leo had a style, and it was showing.
‘Yeah, Bennett.’
The name made me inhale. It was my name, so I heard it often, but hearing Leo say his matching surname was a reminder of the situation. He was family.
‘Right this way.’
We were led through the dimly lit restaurant with its hanging Edison bulbs and tables surrounded by mismatched chairs. The bar area looked like a prohibition-era speakeasy, and the hipster servers and bar staff fitted in perfectly.
As Leo pulled out my chair for me to sit, then I watched him take off his jacket and hang it on the back of his chair, I had to distract myself from the fit of his shirt on his defined body.
‘This place is so cool,’ I said, avoiding looking at him as he sat.
‘It is, it’s great.’ His voice was deep, and I could hear a hint of amusement in it, so I turned back to see him smiling at me.
‘What?’
‘Relax,’ he said softly, so I took a deep breath and nodded as he smiled and leaned back in his chair, so casual, holding my eyes with his. ‘So, Zoe, tell me something about yourself.’
Oh, okay, we were diving straight in. It was odd. He already knew everything. I mean, I’m pretty sure the only thing he didn’t know was how I’d been feeling about him, but that was not something I was going to spill.
‘Munch.’ I met his gaze as he reached across the table for my hands, and I gave them willingly, needing his contact. ‘Take a breath, Zo. This is about you getting used to this sort of situation, but it’s just me. Let’s have some fun, okay?’
Fun. Right. I nodded. I could do that.
‘Can I get you guys some drinks?’ A server arrived at our table and smiled sweetly down at us.
‘Can we get a bottle of merlot and some water for the table, please?’ Leo asked without missing a beat as he flashed her a smile that I’m certain made her knees weak.
‘Sure, no problem,’ she said, a noticeable tremble in her reply.
‘You still like merlot, right?’ I nodded, yes. I didn’t know he knew. ‘Okay.’ He smirked, and his eyes narrowed in a way that made everything south of my belly button clench up. ‘Zoe, tell me something about yourself.’
I took a breath and closed my eyes for just a second. I could do this. Opening my eyes, I found his gaze once more and smiled.
‘Well, I’m a bar owner.’
‘Really? That’s cool, tell me more.’
‘It’s just a small-town inn, a bar with a dancefloor and a jukebox and some rental cabins out back.’
‘You’re young to own a bar. How’d that happen?’
‘I inherited it. My dad left it to my siblings and me, but it’s not their dream, so I’m buying them out slowly, and I run it.’
‘Siblings, huh? What you got?’
I grinned and shook my head — this was so silly.
‘I have a twin sister and a little brother who is bigger than all of us.’
‘Will he kick my butt for dating you?’
There was a seriousness in his tone that forced my gaze to the table as I inhaled.
‘He might try.’ And he really might.
The server brought our wine and told us she’d give us a few minutes to look at the menus.
‘Have you eaten here before?’ I asked, looking down at the vast array of options but not taking any of it in.
‘Yeah, a couple of times.’ I ignored the pang of jealousy at the thought of him bringing other women here. This was not real.
‘You order for us both then. I can’t decide.’
He nodded, then proceeded to order for the both of us.
As the time passed, it got easier to play the game. Leo flirted and charmed his way through the date, encouraging me to open up — the wine may also have helped.
‘Wait, Buffy?’ I laughed, cackled really, ‘How did I not know that?’
‘Because this is our first date, Zoe, how would you?’ He winked, and I smiled. ‘You can’t criticize me. One, Sarah Michelle Gellar is the stuff wet dreams are made of,’ he raised one eyebrow, and I laughed again, ‘and two, it’s your fault. You were so hot for Spike that you had it on all the damn time. I got into it.’
‘Into her.’
‘I wish.’
I cackled again. Why was this so easy? Why was it always so easy with him?
‘Stop distracting me. We’re not supposed to know each other, and you’ve got me reminiscing.’
I smiled and took another sip of wine, knowing I’d already had too many.
‘Okay, I’m sorry. First date. I don’t know you. You don’t know me.’ I shook my shoulders to put myself back in the zone. ‘Go.’
Leo laughed softly and shook his head, then took a sip of his drink, followed by a deep breath.
‘So, Zoe, what is it you’re looking for?’
It took a moment for me to process the question, the sexy half-smile on his face, and the forkful of chocolate cheesecake I just ate.
‘In what respect?’
One corner of his mouth turned up, and, damn, he was sexy. His green eyes sparkled as they bored into mine.
‘From a man, dating.’ Oh god, his voice was so low and slow that it vibrated through me.
‘Um, well, I’ve been single for a while, so I guess I’m just ready to put myself out there.’
‘But what do you want?’ He emphasized every word as he leaned forward on the table, a little closer into my space, and I mirrored the action, leaning to meet him across the table. His eyes seemed darker, and there was a hunger in them I recognized as they lowered to my lips, and my tongue seemed incapable of ignoring it, peeking out to wet my bottom lip. I noticed the slight flare of his nostrils and the way he swallowed.
‘I guess I’m a little sick of going to bed alone,’ I said brazenly, my voice low but strong.
Leo’s lips parted, and I heard the intake of breath.
‘How are we doing here?’
I didn’t know if I wanted to hug or hit the server as she interrupted the moment we’d been trapped in for that minute or two, or fifty, I wasn’t sure. Leo and I were locked, moving together toward something I wouldn’t be able to and didn’t know if I’d want to see a way back from. One thing I was sure of, after this date, the feelings I’d been having were mutual.