Chapter 12
It was their second outing as a married couple, and Helena could not help but notice how different this one was from their first. An improvement, as she saw it, in so many ways.
“Where on earth is he?” Anna Walford, the Duchess of Wells, asked Helena as she looked around the busy ballroom. “I thought he would be hanging off your arm like a vine wrapped about a tree.”
“What would give you that impression?” Helena asked, a casual shrug to go with it, the implication being that she was not bothered either way.
Anna wrinkled her nose. “From what I have heard about the two of you, I would expect nothing less.”
“I thought you hated gossip,” Helena pointed out.
“Is it gossip if it is true?”
“It is gossip if it is spoken about as a truth, despite having no proof to back up the claims.” Helena had a glass of wine in her hand, and she took a purposeful sip. “So yes, in this case, it is gossip.”
Anna glowered. “You are being awfully mysterious, Helena. I do not like it.”
“I am not.”
“You are!” she cried. “And do not pretend that I am the one who is out of line. I am merely happy for you, that’s all. And my hope was that tonight, I would be given good reason to be.”
“On account of the gossip you heard?” Helena fluttered her eyelashes at her friend.
“On account of what people have been saying, yes,” Anna countered. “Which, if true, is reason to celebrate. Shame on me for only wanting what is best for my friend.”
“I think you were just excited to have someone else to pull into your little social web of married women to invite over so that you might…” Helena winked. “Gossip, as you so love doing.”
“Urgh,” Anna sighed. “You know, I forget how frustrating you can be.”
“Which is why you love me.”
“As does the Duke, from what I have heard,” Anna shot back with a gleeful smile and a knowing wink of her own.
Just as Anna had forgotten how much Helena enjoyed teasing her, Helena had forgotten how much she missed her friend’s company. It felt like years since they had last spent time together, which she knew was highly exaggerated, even if so much had changed since they last spoke.
Anna was one of Helena’s best friends. One of four, in fact.
All ladies of the ton who were once part of a small social club that they had cleverly named The League of Untamed Hearts.
It was a private joke, its point to highlight how each of the five—Helena included—was determined to live their lives as they saw fit, regardless of what Society expected from them. And that included falling in love.
So determined were they in this venture that they had even come up with a motto: We choose our own destiny, and love only if it dares to keep up.
Of course, this club of theirs was not quite the stalwart bastion against romance that they each claimed.
Recently, two of its members had married and fallen head over heels in love with their husbands, Anna being one of them.
And while there was still Helena as well as two others left, it was slowly dying like a flower denied sunlight.
“If you must know, he is over there.” Helena pointed to where her husband was speaking with five men.
“Oh!” Anna found him quickly, her eyes widening and then lighting up. “Oh my, he is certainly as handsome as they say.”
“I suppose he is.”
“I hear he is quite charming too,” she added.
“From what I have seen, he most certainly is.”
“And I was told that he is a good kisser.”
Helena’s eyes widened. “Where did you hear that?!”
Anna smirked wryly. “And she does not deny it. Good to know.”
“Oh, very funny,” Helena said dryly. “And you wonder why we rarely spend time together.”
Anna had not been able to attend the wedding, as she and her husband were abroad at the time.
But she told Helena that she was eager to attend this ball for the sole purpose of seeing if the rumors about Helena and Sebastian were true.
And not that she was married, because that was perfectly provable.
Rather, to see if the love that was spoken about by all those who had met them was as enchanting as people said.
Times were that Helena might have struggled to keep up the ruse, especially where her friend was concerned, because she trusted Anna enough to tell her the truth. However…
Best not to take that risk. And what will it hurt to lie as I promised Sebastian I would? Anna seems to be happy for me, and I would hate to upset her.
Yes, Helena was using her friend’s happiness as justification for why she was more than happy to lie by confirming that she and the Duke were a love match. All the while knowing that wasn’t close to the real reason. Not that she would admit such a thing to herself.
“I am sure he will come and see me shortly,” Helena told her friend. “Once he is done with his peers.”
“He should be following you about like a lost puppy.” Anna pouted. “You have only been married for a week!”
“Nearly two weeks,” Helena corrected. “But do not let this fool you. I promise that behind closed doors, the two of us are…” She allowed herself to smile, feeling it in her chest. “We are happy, Anna. More than that, I am happy. Is that not enough?”
“Happy and in love,” Anna sighed wistfully as she held her hands to her chest. She was watching the Duke now, her eyes glistening, a sense that she was imagining Helena and him wrapped in one another’s arms.
It was strange to think that only half of what Helena told her friend was a lie. Stranger still, that Helena found herself smiling with her friend as she watched her husband. A smile not for appearances, but because she was in as good a spirit as she had ever been.
The ball itself was a typical affair. Not quite as grandiose as the one her parents had thrown, but still an extravaganza populated by scores of lords and ladies in the throes of merriment and celebration and a lot of drinking.
Colorful gowns. Smart suits to match. There was music. There was revelry. There was laughter and chatter and even dancing… not all of which was confined to the dance floor.
Helena had always hated balls. She was not one for social appearances, as their express purpose was to find a man to be courted by in the hope that one day he might propose, and the very nature of them disgusted her right down to her core.
In this instance, however, she was enjoying herself.
Sebastian had decided to approach tonight differently.
As promised, he would not spend the evening attached to her side, announcing for all and sundry that they were the happiest of couples whose love might inspire poets to write epics about them for future lovers to read.
Rather, he would be more real about their marriage, treating it as a natural thing that did not need to be bragged about.
They arrived together, of course. They spent a good thirty minutes greeting close friends and acquaintances. And then, Sebastian told her to go and meet with friends and that he would find her later. Free to do as she wished, he would not try to control her as he once did.
He has changed so much. Or perhaps he has simply dropped the facade he once wore like a heavy cloak. Whatever it is, I find this version of my husband as close to the real him as I have seen yet.
“And where is your husband, Anna?” Helena asked. “I have not seen him.”
“Oh…” Anna sighed, but with a smile. “I had better go find him. He tends to worry about me.” She touched Helena’s arm. “But once the Duke finds you, bring him to me. I wish to meet him.”
“Of course I will.”
“And please, Helena, do not do anything that is… well, you.”
“What does that mean?” Helena frowned.
“You know well what,” Anna said rightly. “It looks like the two of you are happy, which I know you hate. But this is a good thing, and I pray you realize it.”
“Anna…” Helena rolled her eyes. “You are being silly.”
“Hopefully I am.” Anna leaned in and kissed her on the cheek before vanishing back into the crowd.
It was just as she did that Helena turned to find her husband, who wore a large smile that seemed just for her as he stepped away from his friends and started through the crowd and toward her.
She watched him coming, wondering now about her friend’s words. Words that should not have made a difference, because this was not a true marriage in any sense.
How could she ruin something that she did not have? How could she hate that which was not real?
Arguments that made perfect sense, she knew, but that did not stop her stomach from twisting, as if with guilt, a sense of betrayal of everything she was and had always been.
We are not in love, nor will we ever be. So why even think about such things! Why concern myself with that which will never come to pass? Which I do not want to come to pass, regardless!
Her stomach continued to twist as she watched the Duke draw closer, prompting her to turn away. This led her to come face-to-face with an elderly lady whom she did not know but seemed to know.
“Do not think I am a fool like the rest of them,” the lady said.
She was the same age as Helena’s mother, the Countess, dressed finely, and wearing too much powder on her face. But it was her breath that Helena smelled, rancid with alcohol.
“Excuse me?” Helena sputtered, leaning back.
“You might have everyone else fooled, but not me,” the lady continued haughtily. “Oh no. Not me.”
“I am sorry, do I know you?”
“Ha!” Her voice rose the longer she spoke, and Helena could see out the corner of her eye that people were starting to watch.
“I know you, and that is what matters. Oh yes, I know all about you.” The lady curled her lip derisively and ran her eyes over Helena.
“Your past transgressions—your current ones!”
Helena felt the sudden urge to snap at the woman. There were times when she would have done just that. But with how well things were going, and her desire not to ruin the illusion she and the Duke were working so hard to maintain, she held her tongue.
“I do not know what you did, but you tricked the Duke. Admit it!” the elderly lady cried out. “You… you snake. That is what you are.” She swayed a little, her eyes rolled, and then she focused. “A snake and a liar and a—”
“That is enough!” the Duke’s voice roared from behind Helena.
The effect was immediate. Not only did it silence the elderly lady, but those who were chattering nearby also shut their mouths, an awkward silence descending on them such that it felt as if the entire ballroom was watching them.
Helena’s eyes were wide, and her body was stiff. She did not dare turn around, as if the Duke might direct his anger at her.
“I do not know what this argument is about.” The Duke stepped beside her, and then his hand went to her waist, pulling her close as if for protection. “But nobody speaks to my wife like that.” He narrowed his eyes at the drunken lady. “Nobody.”
The lady’s painted face paled, and she started to stammer an apology that never reached her lips.
“All of you!” Still holding Helena, the Duke cast a disparaging glare across the ballroom at those who were watching. “I hope I make myself clear on this matter!”
He was still holding her to his side, still looking warningly around them. And then, with the message heard and accepted, he turned around and led Helena away from the elderly lady, who was still looking on with fear and shock in her glassy eyes.
“Some people,” he muttered as he led her away.
The crowd parted for them without hesitation. Many watched on, and all those who did were speechless.
Helena gave her head a shake, forcing herself back to the present.
Her heart was beating quickly. Her breathing was erratic.
But strangely, she was not embarrassed, nor was she concerned about what the woman had said.
She felt safe, protected in ways that she never had before.
With the Duke by her side, she felt no harm would ever come to her.
“Thank you,” she said quietly as he led her across the room.
“For what? Standing up for my wife?”
She eyed him, seeing anger flash across his face. It was not what she had expected, because there was no need for him to feel that way. It was not as if theirs was a real marriage. It was not as if she were a wife who needed protection.
“That was quite a performance, anyhow,” she murmured. “No doubt the message was received.”
“Message?”
“That your wife is not one to be troubled. Dare I say that anyone who saw it will buy the ruse now…”
She was still watching him, searching for the smirk or the knowing grin. Needing him to admit that this was all part of their gambit.
“It was not a performance,” he said, looking ahead as they walked, still looking angry at what had happened. “Nor did it have anything to do with the so-called ruse. You are my wife, Helena, and that is what matters.”
His hand did not leave her side once as he led her. Not out of the ballroom yet, because they did not want to look as if they were running, but he guided her to the other side of the hall, keeping her close, refusing to let her stray even a foot from him.
And Helena found that she liked the way his hand felt on her waist, just as she liked the way his words sounded.
His wife… I guess I am that. Although such a term carries far more significance than it once did.
That thought sent warmth through her, one that she knew the cause of and, for once, was not quite so eager to dismiss.