Chapter 14
“Your Grace, you have a visitor.”
In the doorway stood Sally, one of the maids. She was the youngest member of his staff, and she had a warm smile that seemed to light up every room she walked into.
“Oh…”
Helena was hunched over her writing desk as she had been for the last three days, hard at work and with no intention of stopping anytime soon.
In the back of her mind, she told herself that she was simply dedicating herself to her craft and that there was nothing wrong with such a thing. But deep down, she knew the sordid truth.
She was hiding.
“It is Her Grace, the Duchess of Wells.”
Helena found herself smiling, possibly the first time she had done so in three days. “Oh, Anna. Wonderful.”
“Shall I send her up?”
“No, no,” Helena said. She pushed back her chair and stretched her arms out, hearing them crack. “Show her to the back garden and tell her I will be down shortly. It is time I stepped outside, I think.”
“As you say, Your Grace.” Sally bowed deeply and then scurried away.
It had been a rather tumultuous three days for Helena.
Three days spent locked in her room. Three days spent avoiding her husband at every turn.
Three days of wondering what on earth she should do and how she should do it.
And most of all, three days of ignoring her feelings because she felt as if they were purposefully working against her.
Helena was in desperate need of someone to talk to. And who better than one of her closest friends? Even better, this particular friend had been through a similar predicament. As against marriage as anyone, she gave in to the idea and is now living her own happily ever after.
And while Helena was certain she knew exactly what Anna was going to say…
That I want to hear her say it should tell me everything I need to know. The truth I am so desperate to avoid.
It was five minutes later when Helena stepped into the back garden to see her friend waiting for her.
Anna stood by the fountain at the garden’s center, watching the crystal blue water bubbling away in the midday sun. When she heard the door open, she turned around and beamed to see Helena stepping out.
“Helena!” She started along the garden path, her smile growing with each step. “They said you have been sick. I worried you would not be able to see me.”
Helena made her way down the steps and onto the path. She reached her friend, took her hands, and kissed her on the cheek. “Nothing to concern yourself with. Just a little…” She laughed. “In truth, still recovering from the ball.”
Anna laughed. “It is nice to know that some things have not changed. You never were good at self-control, were you?”
“I always found my self-control to be perfectly adequate, thank you very much. It is not my fault that other people expect me to have only one glass of wine and call it a day. That is their problem, not mine.”
“Oh yes…” Anna rolled her eyes. “Shame on your peers for judging you.”
“Shame on them for projecting, you mean.”
The two friends laughed together, and it felt just like old times.
When they would meet with their friends, the other members of the Untamed Hearts, they would joke, laugh, and talk freely because there was no judgment among friends.
Because where the Untamed Hearts were concerned, each member knew that every person was different and thus every person should not be held to the same ridiculous expectations and standards.
“Shall we walk?” Helena suggested. She took Anna’s hand and started to lead her along the stone path.
“This garden…” Anna let out a low whistle. “It is…” She exhaled. “Something else.”
“It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Helena agreed as she looked around the magnificent garden. “And I do not think I have ever seen Sebastian use it.”
The garden was as large as it was colorful and bright in splendor. Twice the size of the manor, to walk its edges might take as long as thirty minutes. A good thing too, as there was much to talk about, and thirty minutes might not cut it.
Anna laughed. “Appearances. I dare say my husband would eat from gold-plated cutlery if it wasn’t such a waste of good gold.”
“Oh, don’t let Sebastian hear you say that. He might do it just to prove that he can.”
More laughter shared as the two women walked, and Helena worked her way up to what she really wished to talk about. Albeit, with some reluctance, as it was a topic she was mightily uncomfortable broaching.
“What brings you here?” she asked. “I can only assume that after seeing me again at the ball, you were reminded of how much you missed me.”
“If that is what you wish to hear,” Anna scoffed. “Although I will admit, I did not see nearly enough of you. And I still have not met your husband. Where is he hiding?” She peered around the garden as if expecting to see him.
“He is…” Helena grimaced, realizing that she had no idea where her husband was. But that was on purpose. “Busy, I am afraid,” she said. “You really should have sent word ahead if you wished to see him.”
“You’re not hiding him, are you?” Anna narrowed her eyes.
“Keeping him all to yourself, I think. What’s the matter?
Afraid I will embarrass you? That I will recount some stories from the past that will make him see through the love-cloaked veil he wears when he looks at you?
” She laughed. “I promise I will be nice. Or nice enough.”
If there was one thing that Helena hated, it was having to lie to her friends.
She had always been honest with them because they, above everyone else, had never judged her for who she was.
And the fact that she had lied to Anna so freely only a few nights ago made her feel like the worst person on earth.
She grimaced, her stomach twisting into knots. “Anna, there is something I need to tell you.”
“Oh?”
“It concerns my husband and…” She swallowed. “My marriage.”
“What of it?”
Another shameful grimace. “It is not what you think… or what anyone thinks. In fact, it is not even close to what you have been led to believe.”
“Helena…” Anna was looking at her as they walked. “What are you saying?”
Having no choice, Helena divulged everything to her friend. Starting at the beginning, she told her about the novel she was writing, the clandestine meeting she arranged with Mr. Ramsay, the trap she walked into willingly, and Sebastian’s rescue of her… followed by the deal they made.
“I had no choice,” she explained pleadingly.
“And I did not consider how it might look—to my friends, I mean. Those I love. All I wanted was for people to believe that we were happily married so that the ton would not question the haste of our engagement. And Sebastian was eager to do the same. A little too eager, truth be told.” She laughed awkwardly.
“He is quite the actor, and he sold the lie better than I expected.”
“So.” Anna’s brow was furrowed, her grip on Helena’s hand loosening. “Everything you have told me about you and your husband is a lie?”
“I am so sorry,” Helena sighed. “I-I did not mean to hurt you. I did not think it through. In my mind, this would be a simple thing, and nobody else would be harmed. And now…” Her chin was wobbling. “Now I have lied to my friends and family, and I hate that I have.”
Anna did not speak for a few moments.
They were still walking, but it was done in silence as Anna looked ahead, brow furrowed, lips pressed together in thought. Helena watched her the entire time, her heart thumping in her chest, the sickness creeping in slowly until it almost overwhelmed her.
“Well?” Helena prompted desperately. “Say something! Even if you mean to curse me out, as I very much deserve.”
“I am not going to curse you out.” Anna came to a stop and turned to face her. In her eyes, there was a triumphant smile. “But I will say that I knew something did not add up. In truth, perhaps I should be cursing myself for falling so hopelessly and utterly for the lie.”
“You…” Helena blinked. “What?”
Anna rolled her eyes but could not hold back her grin. “I should have known something was amiss. And honestly, I am ashamed that as your dear friend, I did not realize it sooner. Shame on me.”
“No.” Helena shook her head. “This is not—you did nothing wrong!”
“Oh, I know that, Helena.” Anna took Helena’s other hand, holding them both now, squeezing tight. “I am merely surprised that I bought the lie so readily. I suppose I was just excited for you, that’s all. Darn thrilled, to be honest.”
“So… you are not angry?” Helena dared to smile.
“Of course I am not,” Anna said. “Disappointed, perhaps. But only because I was so happy for you. And now I am a tad annoyed because I was so looking forward to having another friend I could discuss married life with. You have no idea how excited I was about it.”
Helena laughed and then, overtaken with emotion, hugged her friend so tight that Anna yelped.
“Thank you,” she said, still holding her. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. How good it feels.”
“Do not worry about it.” Anna wrapped her arms around Helena. “You know you can tell me anything, Helena. Which I suspect is why you chose to confess.”
“It has been eating at me.”
“No, not that…” She took Helena by the arms and pulled her back to look at her.
“My meaning is, why now? Why have you chosen suddenly to tell me the truth—and do not say it is because you felt guilty.” She cocked a warning eyebrow.
“Even if that is part of the reason, I like to think I know you well enough to see there is something bothering you.”
“Oh, you don’t know me that well…” Helena stuck out her tongue. “You did believe that I was happily married, didn’t you?”
Anna’s face dropped. “Too soon.”
Helena hugged her friend once more. Then, she took her hand, and they resumed walking.
Already, Helena was feeling better, freer as the weight of guilt was lifted from her shoulders. And for that reason, she was nowhere near as hesitant to reveal what had been plaguing her these past three days.
“You must promise not to judge me,” she started.