Chapter 15
“Are you going somewhere?” Sebastian’s voice drifted from the top of the staircase.
“Oh…” Helena turned and pretended to look surprised to find her husband standing there, watching her. “I did not hear you coming.”
“Were you listening for me?” he asked.
She shrugged. “You surprised me, that’s all.” She was half-facing the doorway but turned fully to look at him properly. “Not spying on me, I hope.”
“Should I be?”
Helena suppressed the urge to smile, thrilled with herself because this was exactly what she had planned. In truth, she had been standing in the foyer for several minutes now, waiting for Sebastian to happen upon her as if by accident.
“There is no reason to,” she said innocently. “However, I was not expecting to have to explain myself. Or ask permission. Truly, I did not think you would care.”
“Care?” Sebastian started slowly down the stairs. “Care about what, exactly?”
“Where I am going,” she said. “I was just now planning on heading to London, thinking I might make a day of it. I would have told you, but…” She shrugged. “I did not think it was any of your business.”
He reached the bottom step and stopped, a curious smirk on his lips as he studied her. “I suppose it is not.”
“So, you do not care?”
“Why should I?”
“And you will not try to stop me?”
“I do not see why I would.”
Helena pretended to look unconcerned with his words, as if she did not care either way what he said. And while that was indeed the case, a small part of her was surprised… as well as relieved.
“Good,” she said with a smile. “I should be back this evening, but I cannot say when exactly. Again, I do hope that is not a worry. Your wife, heading to the city on her own. I will understand if you are against such a notion.”
“It does not cause me concern,” he said, matching her smile with his coy one, as if he knew what she was doing. “Besides, I will also be out all day, and I cannot say when I will return. So, it makes no difference to me.”
“You will be?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Where are you going?”
He winked. “Questions that do not concern you. Or so I would think.”
“They don’t.” She straightened and looked away. “Just making conversation.”
“And ordinarily, you are so good at it,” he laughed as he crossed the foyer, turning to head toward the breakfast room. “We will call this a rare misstep. But enjoy yourself, Helena. Perhaps I will see you tomorrow.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” she said after him, but she doubted that he heard, as he was already through the foyer and walking down the hall.
He is entirely too dismissive of me. Which I should be thrilled by, even if it is somewhat annoying.
This was all part of Helena’s plan, one concocted the previous evening after Anna left.
She still could not say what she expected from this marriage, and why she even cared to find out.
But knowing that she had to, lest she lose her sanity, Helena had come upon a brilliant means by which to figure out what married life with Sebastian might truly be like.
The problem, as she saw it, was the trap that married life offered. If she gave in to such fancies, she feared that she would find herself under Sebastian’s thumb, and the freedom that she coveted so dearly would be lost to her. And that, she could not allow.
Thus, she decided to test her husband by taking advantage of the freedoms he promised her.
She was also certain that if she pushed too far, he would step in and stop her.
In a way, she wanted him to, proving that he was exactly as she feared and thus curbing any ridiculous notions that she had been having.
Hence, her first effort to force his hand, and she had done exactly as he promised. Free to head to London without question, she was indeed her own woman.
It might be nice if he cared just a little. Not even trying to stop me, just… an indication that he was worried or concerned or… or… or was thinking about me at all.
Stupid, she knew. And she hated that her mind went that way. But that just spoke to how confused she was.
So it was that Helena spent the day in London. She did little while she was there, most of it spent in the park, reading and writing. And while she tried her best not to think about Sebastian, her mind drifted to him more than once.
It was early in the evening when she returned home, and she fully expected him to quiz her. However, as he had told her, he was out for the day and did not return until late in the evening when she was getting ready for bed.
She wanted to ask where he was, but realized that doing so would be the antithesis of what this marriage was meant to be. So, she left it, figuring it was likely just work-related.
The following morning, once again, Helena waited for her husband. This time, she was dressed more casually. And as she hoped, Sebastian took notice.
“I take it you’re not going to London today?” he asked, noting the half-dress.
“Oh, this?” She looked down at herself. “Not today. In fact, I am thinking of going out for a ride.”
“You are?” he asked curiously. “Where to?”
She shrugged. “Not sure. But I might take one of the horses and explore. Assuming it is fine by you?”
She looked at him expectantly, certain that this time he would try to stop her.
He frowned, a knowing look in his eyes as if he knew exactly what she was doing. She braced herself, figuring he would at least suggest that she take someone with her because a lady should not be out riding on her own.
“As you say,” he said instead, walking past her and down the hall.
“Wait!” she cried out before she could stop herself.
He turned and raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”
She grimaced, annoyed that she had slipped. “I… What are you doing today?”
“I will be out all day,” he replied simply. “Hopefully, I will come home earlier than last evening, but I would not wait up if I were you.”
She scrunched up her face, very nearly asking where he was going. This time, she forced herself not to do so, needing to look indifferent.
She did not care! Why would she? And that he cared so little about her was proof enough that he saw this marriage as little more than one of convenience.
That should have answered her question, and she should have sighed with relief and forced herself to move on from this foolish notion of wondering where this marriage might go.
But she was frustrated now, unable to escape the feeling that despite what they had promised one another, her husband should care about her whereabouts.
It was thus that the following day, Helena decided to take things to the next level.
It wasn’t just that Sebastian did not care about what she did or where she went; it was that he did not care about her at all.
She had been so certain that she felt something developing between them, and although this was the opposite of what she wanted, she was unable to escape the way her heart fluttered whenever she remembered those few moments they had shared that had felt more real than anything in her life so far.
Was he doing it on purpose? Was everything an act? Or did she just need to force a reaction because he was as stubborn as she was and was purposefully acting aloof?
“What is this?” Sebastian asked from the doorway the following morning, this time seeming genuinely surprised.
“Oh, good morning.” Helena turned around and smiled as if everything was normal. “I did not expect you to be home.”
“It is lucky that I am.” He stepped into the room, which was the main drawing room on the lower level.
As he did, he looked around, his brow creasing with confusion, a sense that he was doing what he could to hold things together.
“If I were out, I might have returned to find I did not have a home to come back to.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” she dismissed. “The manor will still be here come nightfall. It might just look different, that’s all.”
“And therein lies the problem.”
“Is something the matter?” She fluttered her eyelashes innocently, delighting in the control it seemed to be taking him not to react.
The plan was a brilliant one, or so she thought. Devised yesterday as she rode and organized in the afternoon, so that first thing this morning, she could set it in motion.
So far, Sebastian had proven to her that she was free to go where she liked when she wished to. But would he be so unconcerned if her actions affected him personally?
Thus, she decided to renovate the manor.
Or at least parts of it. She was starting in the drawing room, and with five workers at her beck and call, she was in the process of having the furniture carried out so that she could remove the carpets and the drapes and replace them with something more lively.
“Excuse me, Your Grace,” two workers asked Sebastian as they carried his desk toward the door.
“What on earth…” He stepped out of the way, his head swiveling about, his frustration surely mounting.
“It is just a bit of redecorating,” Helena assured him as if it were nothing. “New carpets and drapes. A bit of paint here and there. I have found some of the rooms in this manor a little dated and in desperate need of an upgrade.”
“Helena…” His brow was furrowed, his expression aghast. “Is this really the best way to spend your time?”
“Why not? Oh!” Her eyes widened in feigned shock. “Should I have asked permission first? Truly, I did not think I needed to. I just assumed I could do as I pleased, as you told me I was allowed.”
She looked at him, breath held, waiting for the reprimand.
“I did say that, didn’t I?”
“You did. But if this is too much, feel free to tell me. I would hate to cross any boundaries.”
Again, he looked right at her. And again, it was as if he knew exactly what she was doing. But that should not have mattered. Men like the Duke did not like being made to look weak or without agency. Even if he saw through her games, his honor would demand that he put a stop to this at once.
And in doing so, reveal his true self to her.
“No purple,” he said finally.
She blinked. “What?”
“No purple,” he repeated. “I never was a fan of the color.” And then, he turned to leave.
She stood in a state of stunned silence, unable to believe what had just happened. It was good news—no! It was bad news. It was…
She did not know! Did she want him to stop her, proving what she suspected? Or did she want him to be as she needed, so that she could be free to follow her feelings as she thought she should? Even if every instinct inside her was screaming against it.
“Wait!” she cried out, hurrying after him.
He was down the hall, but he turned to her. “Yes?” he asked innocently, despite how frazzled she likely looked.
“Where are you going?”
“To the city.”
“Why?” she demanded. “What are you doing in there?”
The coy smile returned. “I do not think so, Helena.”
“What does that—”
“You wish for certain freedoms, and that is fine. I will not try to stop you. But just as you expect them from me, I expect them from you.” He winked, apparently delighted by her confusion. “I will be home late this evening. Don’t wait up.”
And then he turned and started down the hall once more.
Helena found herself gaping in utter shock, total confusion, and what felt suspiciously like heartache.
So it was confirmed then. Sebastian was a man of his word and would not try to control her. Would the same be said if this marriage turned real?
Helena supposed it did not matter. As she now saw it, as she was forced to admit, her husband felt nothing for her. He had made that perfectly clear.
She wanted to feel relief, able to put aside her pesky feelings once and for all, as she knew was right. But deep down, the realization of this truth hurt, and already she was coming up with a new plan.
She had proven now that he would not try to control her, but did he truly feel nothing for her?
It was a ridiculous notion. Helena knew how dangerous this game was. But before she could decide once and for all how she felt about her husband, she needed to know how he felt about her.
And so it was that another plan was conceived…