Chapter 21 （Devran POV）
I had slept like shit and I was exhausted now no matter how much coffee I tried to drink. It was only making me jittery but still my eyes felt heavy as I sat behind my desk.
There was a quick knock at the door and when it opened I wasn’t surprised to find Diego and Jasper there waiting for me to let them in. “We need to talk about last night,” Jasper started. I knew this was coming.
“Look, I didn’t want to see it for the longest time. Jasper’s been telling me but I ignored it until now. Dev, you aren’t under control right now. You destroyed Trevor’s face last night, man. Why? Is it Mira?” my Beta asked and even just her name tightened my chest.
I shut my eyes and exhaled.
“Boys, we have a problem. I think my wolf is sick” I admitted. They both came to sit down on the two chairs that faced my desk. “What do you mean?” they both asked in unison.
“You’ve seen it for yourselves” I huffed, not wanting to explain. “It’s linked to Mira though, right?” Jasper had to probe. “Yes” I gritted out. I didn’t like talking about this. Stepping into my role as Alpha shouldn’t be going like this.
“So, you...like her?” Diego was afraid to push it.
“It’s not that, it’s...my wolf goes crazy whenever any of you bastards are around her. My wolf took over last night when Trevor touched her” I explained.
“I mean it’s one thing to like a girl and it’s another to start losing your sanity. There’s gotta be more to this” Jasper stated. “I know, that’s what I’m telling you” I sighed,
“We should hold a meeting with our fathers,” Diego suggested. “Why? So I can seem unfit for my position?! No” I protested. “They might know what’s going on,” he pointed out.
I had been holding back on telling them one key piece of information because it made no sense and it would only freak them out further. I needed to find out what was wrong with my wolf first, then the rest would be figured out.
“Can’t we figure this out between the three of us? Why do I have to include others? It shouldn’t get out that I’m losing control of my wolf. The pack shouldn’t know that” I explained.
“Uh, everybody saw you last night dude. I think they know” Jasper pointed out. Damn him for always being right. He should honestly be my Beta over Diego.
He’s smart, quick, and he doesn’t just agree with everything I say, he challenges me. He is also very close friends with Mira and my wolf is constantly telling me to rip his throat out.
“It’s our crew. Round them up and tell them to keep their mouths shut” I ordered. Once I got rid of Diego I felt I could have a better one on one conversation with Jasper.
“I want you to tell me about Mira’s past” I asked nicely first.
“I can’t do that. It’s not my place to say” he rejected the idea. I took a deep breath and set both palms down on the desk.
“Jasp, I need to understand this girl. If I understand her maybe I’ll understand what’s happening to my wolf. Is she part...is there any way she might be a werewolf too?” I asked the question I’d been wanting to.
“What? No” he swatted my idea. “Are you sure? That’s not her secret past?” I asked again to be sure. “No, not at all. Why are you asking that?” He studied me.
“If I tell you this you can’t breathe a word of it to anyone. Especially her” I pointed at him in warning. He agreed and I believed him for now.
“My wolf, he’s confused. Yes, I’ve been attracted to Mira since the day I saw her. Yes, I’ve been a dick to her. Yes, I’ve been angry with her. But at the same time I’m drawn to her. I have to know what she’s doing and who she’s doing it with. I’m possessive, that’s quite obvious to you now.
"My point is...I’ve always had this strong confusing feeling but on her 18th birthday...my wolf, he said” I stopped talking. I didn’t realize how hard this would be to say aloud.
“He said what?” Jasper encouraged me to continue.
“He said Mate” I finally confessed. Jasper’s expression dropped. He wasn’t expecting that answer.
“What? That makes no sense. She’s not a wolf she can’t be your mate” he stated the obvious. “I know dumbass. That’s why I’m saying there is something wrong with my wolf. He’s confused and it’s making me act all crazy” I swiped my hand through my hair in frustration.
“Shit” Jasper cursed under his breath. “Mira’s a good girl, Dev. I know how you hate humans and all that but” I cut him off right there.
“I don’t hate her. I was trying to, but I don’t hate her. I can’t” I clarified.
“So you were pushing her away?” He put the pieces together. “Diego might be right. You might need to talk to your dad or some of the older wolves. If anyone has answers it’s them” Jasper added.
“Jasp, I need you to talk to her. To get her to forgive me for last night. I could see it in her eyes she hates me” I painfully asked him. I hated this shit.
“I just don’t think it’ll be good for my wolf if he’s thinking about her hating us. It’s just one less thing, ya know?” I bullshited. I just didn’t want her to hate me.
She challenged me last night when I threatened to kick her out of the village and she agreed to leave. My wolf was screaming at me telling me not to let her go. She called my bluff.
I would flip out if she left. In my wolf’s eyes she’s my mate right now. Until I can fix the confusion I’ll always want her here. I won’t want anyone touching her. I’ll continue to go crazy. I already beat the fuck out of one of my friends because of this.
I didn’t even know what I’d say to him to explain why I did it. I didn’t have to explain since I’m his Alpha but he’s my buddy. I wasn’t going to pull that card.
“Let’s just leave Mira out of this,” Jasper suggested. It rubbed me the wrong way. “See, that already annoyed me,” I said, trying to breathe.
“Because I’m protecting her or because I’m telling you to keep her out of this and you don’t like the idea of staying away from her for a bit?” He asked, knowing the answer.
“Both” I snapped, “see, look! Look how easily I freak out wherever she’s involved.” I ran my hand down my stubble and slammed it back down on the desk.
“She calls you her protector. She says you make her feel safe. You know what my wolf thinks about that? If you did you’d know I’m very sick and need to fix this like now” I gritted out.
“What does your wolf think, Devran? I need to know.”
“He wants to rip your throat out. He wants her to call him her protector and hug him and stand by him and always talk about him. Goddamnit Jasper, don’t make me think about it.
She’s always hanging off your damn arm and it pisses me off” I pushed the desk chair back and walked toward the back of the room.
“Dev, this is not okay. You can’t even talk about her without losing your shit. You need to talk to the elders. I’m serious” he insisted.
“She should’ve never kissed me. I was holding it together better when she hadn’t touched me yet” I cursed to myself but I think Jasper heard me anyway.
“I’m calling a meeting,” Jasper stood. He didn’t wait for me to protest, he just exited the room. This was going to be humiliating.
-
The meeting wasn’t for another hour so I decided to go find Mira. I wouldn’t approach her. I just wanted to know where she was. I had a few kiss-ass wolves looking out for her. They’d tell me her whereabouts and that’s how I always easily popped up.
They were sworn to secrecy so nobody knew about it but me. I mindlinked them and got a response from one telling me she was working in the garden.
She volunteered all over the community. She’s more than earned her stay here. I just don’t know if I’ll survive her being here permanently.
I took the stroll down to the great gardens and casually looked in without making my presence known. She was knelt in the dirt digging up a hole to plant more seeds.
The sun reflected beautifully on her skin. That blonde wave of hair made her look angelic most days. All the time really. She glowed, I swear. Her laughter made my chest swell at the sound.
“Grace, you have a smudge of dirt on your ass,” she laughed. “So do you,” Grace retorted. Mira stayed knelt in the dirt finishing up her task. She was in some casual clothes that she wouldn’t mind getting dirty.
When she stood to grab the watering can I hide myself better so she wouldn’t realize I was there. If she did she’d get all serious and I wouldn’t get to watch this version of her. The happy, calm version.
She started humming a song and watering the freshly packed dirty. When she was done she finally started wiping the soil from her knees and bum, then her hands.
“Is that it?” she asked one of the women who was gardening further down. The woman said yes and told her to go grab some lunch. I knew she’d be walking out this gate any second now and I needed to look like I was just walking by.
Right as she passed through her and I crashed into each other.
“Oh, shoot” she said, almost losing her balance. I caught her. The spark I felt when I touched her skin warmed my insides. “My apologies” I cleared my throat.
“It’s fine” she straightened herself which meant I had to let go. I didn’t know what to say to keep her here longer but I wanted her to stay so I stood in her way.
“What?” she asked. I cupped her face without thinking about it. I kept doing that but since she didn’t exactly pull away I let my thumb rub her cheek.
“Is this your way of apologizing for yesterday?” her tongue was still sharp this morning. If nothing else I seemed to be making this girl strong. When I first met her she was mousy and nervous. Today someone more confident stood before me.
“Yes, it is,” I admitted. She sighed and grabbed my wrist to remove my hand. I didn’t like the feeling that gave me.
“Dev” she started. I loved it when she said my name. And it was fucking hot when she addressed me by my title. “You have serious anger issues. I know your type. You need help” she openly stated. I swallowed hard.
“I know, I’m handling it,” I told her. “You are?” she asked in surprise. Maybe it’s good that she knows that. Maybe she won’t be so harsh toward me.
“Yes, I have an explanation for everything. I want to tell you but...well it’d have to be in private” I looked around knowing people always had their eye on their Alpha.
“If you are interested in talking then come by my office later” I offered. I looked at her for a moment. Goddess, she’s beautiful. When she nodded silently I turned back toward the Pack House for this very uncomfortable meeting.
Once inside I realized everyone was already there and they were in the middle of talking. “Oh Devran, perfect timing. Come on son” my father offered me my chair.
“You’ve told them?” I looked at my Beta and Delta. “Son, have a seat” my dad reiterated. One of the old wolves stood up.
“Alpha, it’s impossible for a human to be a mate but I don’t think your wolf is crazy. I think the girl’s not human” he offered his opinion. Whispers broke out amongst the council.
“What the hell else would she be?” I asked, trying to hold back my irritation. “Well that I don’t know” he sat back down.
“Jasper, you said she doesn’t know her father. Maybe she’s got some wolf blood in her. Not enough for us to detect but enough for the bond” my father offered his opinion.
“It makes the most sense,” Diego’s dad chimed in. All their voices started at once and I was just waiting for them to shut up.
“Has anyone heard of such a thing? I mean we’ve all heard of half wolves but even a half wolf is detectable. This girl does not have wolf blood in her″ another of the old wolves interrupted everyone.
He wasn’t wrong.
“Regardless of what she is, she’s clearly your mate. You’re losing control because you are fighting the bond. Give into it and you’ll see your wolf isn’t sick at all” another started.
“I can’t be mates with a human. There is no way” I protested.
“He’s right. My boy is destined for greatness. A human would weaken this pack” my dad placed a proud hand on my shoulder. I was top of my class in training. I was cut out for this stuff.
I just wasn’t cut out for whatever ridiculous bond the Moon Goddess was trying to put me in. Was she testing me? It was another full hour of this back and forth banter before I lost my shit.
“Enough! We’re talking ourselves into damn circles. There is no way that I would be mates with a damn human. And if that’s what the Moon Goddess has done then I will reject this bond! That would weaken us. That would be beneath me” I growled out to regain order in the room.
It worked, everyone went silent but I noticed they were all looking behind me as I had been pacing the room for a while and stopped dead center.
When I looked behind me the door was slightly opened and standing in the small space was Mira with a shocked then hurt expression. She’d heard what I said. I could tell by her face she had just heard me.
Our eyes locked for a moment before she quickly shut the door and I could hear her footsteps running away.
“Fuck” I growled out. I put my head in my hand trying to reel myself back. My heart was racing. The sight of her made me crazy and not only that but fear struck me when I realized she had heard my little speech about her. This had to end.
“Jasper...I’m going to end this” I told him, knowing he’d understand.
For the good of Mira, I had to reject her.