23. Keep Those Home Fires Burning
CHAPTER 23
KEEP THOSE HOME FIRES BURNING
MILES
“ A re you seeing someone?”
I look at Andrew from another hotel bed as I unpack a few weeks later.
“No. Why do you ask?”
I play back everything that’s happened to see if I find a spot he might have seen something happen with Delilah. We’re still secret, but behind closed doors when Lola is asleep, we’re explosive. I have noticed a difference in her sometimes when she’s relaxed, and this beautiful smile crosses her face.
“You seem different, like when you’re with someone. Distracted, but you play like a beast, like everything is right in your world. Granted, I haven’t seen you with too many women, but it’s the way one of us gets when we’re dating someone new.”
“I don’t have time to date, with this and Lola, so no. I’m happy with my daughter and when I get time with her, my world is right. Maybe Lola is the missing puzzle piece.”
I need to get him off this subject. If he analyzes Delilah, Andrew will do the math. It’s obvious who I spend the most time with, but he doesn’t think I’d ever go there with his baby sister.
“Well, you bailed on Stephanie when she offered, and you’ve been in the room after games. It’s not like you don’t have the freedom to hook up with someone, Miles. You have a nanny.”
“That’s just not my thing anymore, Andrew. Maybe it’s because I’m older or a dad. I don’t know.”
I try to act casual as I place things in drawers like I’ve done a thousand times before; I’m so nervous I’m shaking.
“I guess the puck bunnies get old after a while. It’s a great perk in the beginning, but so many of the guys are married with kids now.”
Is my best friend thinking about commitment?
“Maybe you’re seeing someone.”
I add a teasing tone in my voice, and Andrew laughs. His phone chimes and he glances at it.
“Nobody on the regular. Coach wants to meet for an early dinner in an hour.”
“Sounds good. I’m starving.”
That game in Philadelphia later that night is intense, with both teams fighting for control of the puck. I keep in mind what Andrew said about playing like a beast and do just that. We all do. It helps me to think about Delilah and Lola somewhere back home cheering me on, with my family or maybe alone.
Still, we lose by one goal. Deflated, I return to the locker room and shower so we can go to the hotel room. Tomorrow, we’ll be going to New York for a couple of games, and I hate doing that after a loss.
“We played hard, you guys. They just got that extra goal, and we didn’t block it this time. We’ll work on that when we practice next time.”
Gabe sounds positive but defeated, and I nod as I pull on a white button-up shirt.
“I just want to call my family.”
He shuts up and I look at our captain as he finishes dressing to leave. We don’t go to dinner or out tonight since it’s an early travel day tomorrow and I head to the room to decompress as best I can.
I can sneak in texts with Delilah when her brother isn’t paying attention and, of course, I always FaceTime with Lola. Those texts turn dirty when I happen to be alone, and tonight is one where I’d love to be alone. Losing at home means I can go home and release the demons in bed with Delilah, but on the road, I am alone and not looking for a quick hookup.
Not anymore.
We win two of the three remaining games and I tell myself it’s all even now. When we’re heading home, I can’t wait for a day at my house with the girls, just relaxing. It’s what I live for these days and the idea that it’s both girls scares me a little.
“Andrew asked me if you’re dating. What’s up?”
I am alone with Delilah in bed, resting after catching up on lost time.
“Shit. He did? I got the same question but brushed it off with a no. Are we obvious?”
“I don’t think so. We act so neutral around everyone and work so hard doing it. I don’t let my walls down until moments like this.”
She rests against my chest, and I stroke her damp curls.
“I look forward to this on the road. Being with the guys is great since they’re like brothers to me, but I just crave calm. I just want you in my arms where I can let everything go.”
“Yeah.”
Delilah sounds sleepy and I wonder how well she’s slept. When I am home, we both lose sleep, and I know Gabe has pointed that out to me. I just want as much time with Delilah as I can get and we manage a few hours at most.
On the road, I sleep better because I can’t throw myself into this thing with her. Andrew is in my room and we’re usually busy as a team. I am distracted as he puts it, but I can focus on the game.
Does she have trouble focusing on Lola and her needs?
I let her drift off to sleep and shift Delilah when I head into the bathroom to clean up. She’s staying in my bed until Lola wakes up now, since we currently have some wiggle room. She plays in there rather than barging into my room and one of us can get up and start the day with her.
I know she sleeps in here when I’m gone sometimes and imagine what Delilah does to herself, surrounded by my scent. Our scent. It makes me crazy.
I go to sleep with her in my arms, warm and soft. I wasn’t a fan of sleeping in a bed with a woman before and Kim had been the only one in recent years when we were together. It was always sex and then I’d be gone, or they would because I didn’t crave intimacy.
What is happening now?
The next couple of weeks blend with practice, games, and home time. It’s always a rush and ends in my bed where we push ourselves even if we need sleep. The girls come to games and I fucking love it; I look over there more and more as the days pass.
“How is it with Lola getting older and learning about the game?”
Gabe looks at me after practice one day, and I smile.
“Great. She wants to wear her jersey and cheer me on now, and it’s amazing. Obviously, she won’t learn everything right away, but she knows what a goal is. It’s a start and we’ll build on that. Delilah is good about teaching her as much as she can.”
“You have a good situation there.”
What am I hearing in Gabe’s voice?
“It worked out perfectly having a family friend take the job. I’ll always be grateful to Andrew for the suggestion.”
“There’s nothing between you?”
Shit.
“Nope. She’s the nanny and we communicate about Lola well. I mean, she’s a friend, too, but I don’t feel more than that. I think she mentioned something about being set up with someone soon.”
That’s a good thing to say. It’s already happened in a sense, so I know how it works.
“Andrew would lose it if there was more, and I’m sure you know that. There’s protective and then there’s Andrew with Delilah. Has she ever been in a serious relationship?”
“I get it with Brynn, my sister. You want to bubble wrap them from the entire world like I do with Lola. I’m not sure if she’s dated anyone since she was off at college for a while. Delilah is probably too busy for it right now. The season makes free time so rare.”
“Someone will snatch her up. From what I’ve picked up, she has beauty and brains.”
“You forgot sarcasm.”
Did I add that too quickly?
“Oh, yeah. With her brother, there is a lot of that. It’s fun to watch, but I doubt she’s like that with Lola.”
I slip on my shoes and grin.
“No. She’s got the patience of a saint with Lola.”
It’s when we’re back on the road that I sense something different with Delilah. She’s withdrawing a little and seems to sleep more than usual. I’m sure Lola keeps her incredibly busy, and Delilah deserves the rest, but I enjoy our text chats and there have been less of those.
I can’t complain because she’s been great at keeping me in touch with Lola, but I miss Delilah and there’s no one to tell.
I drag through the week, and I know it shows because Gabe gives me several curious glances over the next few days. I’m not slipping enough to cost the team a loss, but also not playing to my best ability.
I swore I’d never let a woman get to me like this beyond Lola.
“Let’s get some lunch tomorrow.”
I can see the growing annoyance in Gabe’s eyes after a loss, and I nod. We’re not going home until tomorrow night, so there will be some time to do this. I just know it isn’t a friendly lunch between a couple of guys.
This is business and it sucks.
I arrive at the place Gabe suggested the next day and find a seat in the back to wait. Andrew was all questions about this lunch and wanted to come, but he saw the way I was playing. My best friend knows when I am off.
“This is between me and the captain. It’s not even a friend’s lunch, as far as I know.”
I pulled on a team sweatshirt as I prepared to leave the room with Andrew hovering around me.
“He’s going to find out what’s bothering you. Anything you need to talk about?”
“No. I’m sure I’ll cover that today, but there’s not really anything going on you need to worry about.”
I order something to drink and take a deep breath. Gabe is a good guy and kind about things like this, but the bottom line is that I am messing up. He’s the captain above everything else.
When I see him walk in, I straighten up like a kid in trouble with his parents. How long has it been since I felt that way?
“Thanks for coming.”
Gabe sits down with a soft smile, and I nod, leaning forward.
“I have been expecting this, to be honest.”
“What’s going on? You’ve been distracted, Miles. I know it happens, but it seems to be something that’s bleeding into the game.”
I can’t tell Gabe the truth. We’re friends, but he’s also close to Andrew, and this needs to be kept quiet.
“I suppose I’m tired. These seasons can be a lot with the travel and home games and I’m trying to be a good father. How do you do it all?”
Lola is always a logical explanation, especially since I’m a single father.
“I am not doing it on my own like you are, but I just make every moment count. She’s a big part of your family and you have a nanny, so you’ve covered your bases. I understand missing her, though. Worrying. I do it a lot. Is Lola okay?”
“Fine. Thriving, actually. I’m just being a dad.”
“I get that, but we need to be one hundred and ten percent when we’re out there on the ice. You know that. On a good day, you and Andrew are indestructible out there. He’s worried, too.”
I think back to the question about dating and though he’s been quiet, I can see the question in my best friend’s eyes.
“I know. I am going to get back on track since everything is covered for me. The last few months have just been a big change.”
“Understood, and I am here if you need to talk. Let’s get some food.”
It’s the easy way out to blame losing Kim when I prefer things this way as a single father. Way to play the pity card.