27. No Easy Way
CHAPTER 27
NO EASY WAY
MILES
I t takes everything I have inside to act normally at practice. The day before, I spent time with Lola and let things sink in to the point it was painful, and I ended up down in the gym later than usual.
Delilah is pregnant with my baby. I didn’t see a test, but why would she lie about that? I suspected it with Kim, but she was more than happy to show me her tests and prove the baby was mine. We were only casually dating at the time, after all.
I am not even dating Delilah, just sleeping with her behind everyone’s backs. There’s no easy way to explain that, other than making our secret obvious. We messed up.
I think about it all night after Lola falls asleep. There’s a part of me that wants to talk to Delilah, but I need a clear head to do that. My emotions are everywhere, and it’s partly because I have feelings for Delilah. It’s not just sex, but what else could it be? Things didn’t work with Kim after Lola came into our lives, so why would this be any different?
There was a lot of tension when I left for practice, but neither of us knew what to say. I told her what she needed to know and left for practice, struggling to greet everyone with a smile. I already got pulled aside for being distracted and didn’t need a repeat of that, though I have no idea how to stop thinking about this.
I forced myself to work through all the exercises with perfection, smiling and laughing like I was enjoying myself. Andrew can’t sense anything is wrong because I don’t know how I can lie about this.
Breathing a sigh of relief when practice ends, I shower and head to the house to get Lola. It doesn’t feel right leaving Delilah here, and I know it’s just going to lead to questions. I just can’t sit with her at my family dinner table right now. She’s ready and cute as ever, and Delilah offers a small smile in my direction as we leave.
“Where is Delilah?”
Mom and Brynn are asking immediately, and I hold my hands up as Lola runs between them to get to her toys.
“She didn’t feel good tonight and wanted to rest.”
I am assuming it isn’t a complete lie, as tired as she looks. Kim had issues during her pregnancy and suddenly imagining Delilah going through it alone makes guilt wash over me.
“She’d better come to the game. We’ve been watching them on TV for a week. I’ll send her a message and remind her she can ride with us.”
Brynn looks disappointed, and I look away as I realize Delilah is a part of us in a way Kim never was. This is going to be a complex situation. I had to give in to my need for Delilah and here we are.
We sit down to dinner, and I explained my week away to everyone, skipping lunch with Gabe. Mom noticed I was off and I’m sure other people did as well, but thankfully, nobody brought it up. I’m speaking positively about this week and how we’re going to win on home ice. I hope it’s true, but already dread seeing Delilah there tomorrow with Lola.
I notice how beautiful she is pregnant even when she is tired. There’s the glow that people talk about, and I wonder how long it will be before others notice it. It’s something I have never seen on a woman before.
As we catch up on scores for the day, I think about not confiding to anyone that I'm the father of the baby. Delilah can make something up and we can move on with our lives, but I’m not that kind of man. I love Lola and I’ll love any child of mine just as much. I’d never lie about being anybody’s father.
I know I’ll be there to support her however she needs me, especially financially. My kids will have everything they need and it’s one reason I work so hard on the ice. I love what I do, and I want to earn my money as honestly as anybody else. Delilah has a degree and a future career, and I know she’ll go for her dreams. I just want to support the baby.
I imagine getting another nanny for both kids in the future and hate the idea. Fuck. I don’t know what to do.
“Miles? Where are you? Dad’s been talking to you for five minutes.”
I blink and look at Brynn as she frowns at me.
“Just thinking about a game. You know how I can be.”
“It’s okay to take a break, Miles. You deserve to relax.”
“I know, Dad. Just can’t help it sometimes.”
They’re going to know about the baby at some point. Kim was showing at around five months along and it came quickly, so I need a plan on how to handle this. Delilah and I need to talk this out.
Brynn keeps looking at me and I make a face at her, something that always makes my sister laugh. She’s smart and I can tell she’s trying to read me, but that can’t happen yet. Brynn and Mom are like detectives when they pick things apart.
The house is quiet when I carry Lola to bed, and I assume Delilah is already asleep. Once my daughter is tucked in and I’m alone in the hallway, I play back the nights I’d been with Delilah in my room behind the locked door. Somewhere in those times, this baby was conceived and those were also some of the best nights of my life.
Is this so wrong? Andrew would think so.
I sigh and get a beer before heading to my room alone. The idea of texting her is so tempting just to have her come in and make me feel less caged, but I don’t know where Delilah is right now. I just want to feel her in my arms again and work through this mess.
I am at the arena most of the following day to prep for the game, and my stomach knots up as it gets closer to the fans arriving. I know Mom will make dinner before and wonder if Delilah would go with Lola. Would they think she looks different?
We’re skating and passing the puck to each other, then to our goalie, and I lift my head to see my family arriving. Delilah is holding Lola’s hand and wearing her brother’s jersey, looking beautiful. She really is glowing, and I watch as she sits down before someone nudges me.
“They’re all here to cheer us on. We need to win this one.”
Andrew grins and waves at his parents and sister, and I nod slowly in agreement.
“That we do.”
Delilah brings Lola down to the ice as always and I greet my daughter, imagining her older with a baby in Delilah’s arms in the future. In the image in my head, it’s a little boy in my jersey that’s a perfect mix of both of us, and I blink before focusing on Lola’s smile. That’s not just imagination; it’s really happening, and I feel surprise wash through me all over again.
I look at Delilah before she walks away, and she meets my eyes for the first time in a few days. They’re full of emotion and I try to sort them as she turns to return to the seats.
Somehow, I am all in with this game. There’s so much going on in my head, but I’m driven to win. All of us are and we ended up with a two-goal lead at the end of the game, sending our fans to their feet as cheers and screams fill the air. My family is among them, and I grin in that direction as Dad hugs Mom and Brynn jumps up and down, holding onto Delilah, and it hits me.
She could be a part of my family with this baby. They have so much love to give, just like Delilah’s family, and even Andrew when he gets over it.
The team decides on a celebration dinner, and I go along, knowing it might look strange if I decline. Lola is safe with the family, and we deserve to have a couple of drinks and some good food.
I get home later with a plan to sleep in on account of a later practice. The TV is on in the living room. It’s empty and I step forward to shut it off when I feel a presence enter the room.
“You’re home. I was just making some tea and thought I’d catch up on a show. Great game tonight. Lola loved it.”
I glance over towards the dimly lit kitchen to see Delilah there, holding a mug. She’s in leggings and a long-sleeve college sweatshirt, looking like an angel with the halo of light surrounding her.
“I thought you went to bed. I’ll leave it.”
I step back and swallow the lump in my throat as she nods, moving to sit on the couch.
“Is it caffeinated? I remember Kim avoided it when she was pregnant with Lola.”
Delilah stares at me for a long moment as if she’s shocked I brought it up.
“It’s just something herbal. I’ve been doing some online research and I even have an appointment with a doctor next week. It’s someone a friend recommended, and I guess I can’t put it off.”
“When? I’ll go with you.”
“Miles, you’re highly recognizable in this city. Do you know the gossip that will start?”
I do and that’s why the guys all use the same group of doctors during their wives’ pregnancies. This group keeps things under wraps and makes special arrangements to ensure our privacy, and Kim used them.
“Yes, and that’s why you’re going to cancel your appointment. The team has someone we use that respects our privacy.”
Delilah stares at me as she wrinkles her nose.
“Are you okay with this?”
“The way I see it is we’re going to have to deal with it. I’m assuming you’re keeping it?”
There’s trepidation in my voice as I consider the possibilities. She has the right to choose whatever she wants even though I’d like a say in it.
“Yeah. I can’t imagine doing anything else, even though it’s going to be hard. You don’t have to be here for it if you don’t want to.”
“I am going to be here. You see me with Lola every day, Delilah. I want to support you through this. You can keep this job because you’re fantastic with Lola and she’s so attached to you and we’ll see how you feel as time goes on. Maybe get some help if needed.”
“She’s old enough to notice after a while. What do we tell her?”
“Everyone will notice after a few months. Do you want to hide the truth and say it’s someone else’s baby?”
I hope not because the idea kills me.
“Who would I say the father is? Someone who left me alone to handle it? Wouldn’t that be more upsetting than the truth in the long run?”
“Potentially. Are you sure?”
“Right now, it is new. We don’t have to tell anybody and early on, things can go wrong. I’d rather speak to a doctor and learn as much as I can under the radar. I’ll still work, and life will go on as normally as it is now for a little while. If things between us get weird, I might have to reconsider that.”
“Kim lost her mind when she found out. How are you so logical?”
“I am just trying to work through something I can’t and don’t want to change. There’s a lot of losing it throughout the day, Miles.”
“What about us, Delilah?”