Chapter 10 #2
“Yeah. It’s something you need to time right. Too early, and it looks desperate. Too late, and all the hot guys are gone.”
His cheeks flush as he gets up and trails me to my bedroom. “Tell me more about these gay bars.”
“What do you want to know?”
“I dunno. You’re supposed to be educating me.”
I laugh. “Ah, but gay bars are like Fight Club. You have to be in on the secret for me to talk about it.”
He flops down on the floor, legs sprawled out in front of him, leaning on his hands, as I open the closet and peer inside. “Okay, then. I’ll come.”
I freeze. The words were tossed out casually, like he doesn’t care whether I agree or not, but I know he cares.
And so do I.
The last thing I want is to head there with Tanner and leave with someone else, but if he’s there, and everyone is dancing, maybe I could suggest we dance too … My skin tingles at the thought of being pressed close to him.
“Ah, probably not a great idea.”
“Why?”
A groan gets caught in my throat. “There’ll be things there you really don’t want to see.”
“Like?”
“Like men hooking up.” Among other things. “And no, you can’t just go and stare at the women together.”
His face blanches. “Why would I wanna do that?”
Oh dear, sweet Tanner. I know he has Internet on his phone, and given he’s male and has net connectivity, surely he would have worked out how to access porn on that thing. “No reason.”
I start pulling out outfit choices and changing in front of the mirror Jules must have left hanging on the closet door.
“Bit cold.”
“It’ll be hot in the bar.”
His reflection narrows its eyes a little as he says, “You can dress me, then.”
“Do you see me right now?” I spin to face him and pluck the tight, sheer black shirt I’m wearing. “You want me to dress you?”
He looks like he’s about to change his mind, but then sets his jaw. “Sure, I’m game.”
“I’m going to warn you now, if you go in there dressed like you’re ready to pick up, you will find yourself surrounded by men ready to bend over for you.” I stifle a laugh as his eyes widen and a blush creeps up his neck.
“That’s, umm …”
“Only trying to prepare you.”
And scare him. Because if Tanner comes, it’s going to make hooking up real hard. Then other things will be hard, making my need to hook up worse.
He stands up and steps closer, and I almost choke on air when he rests a hand casually on my hip and leans around me to reach into the closet. He pulls out a shirt and holds it up against his chest. “Suit me?”
“Fishnet?” I laugh and take it from him. “Absolutely not.” There’s no way I want a bunch of horny gay men catching sight of his body. Nope. I’ll be the only one inappropriately gawking at those muscles.
“Here.” I hand him a printed button-up that will be obscenely tight on him, and he finally backs up a step. “Leave the top three buttons open.”
He peels off his sweater and drops it on the floor. I watch shamelessly. All that muscle, the blond hair sprinkled over his wide chest …
“Ah, Roo …?”
I tear my eyes away from his body, and glance up to find his blush even darker. “That’s a whole lot of man chest,” I breathe.
Tanner laughs and quickly shrugs into my shirt before leaning in close. “And it’s only the second most impressive thing about me.”
Oh, dear God, I need to get laid.
I pray Tanner doesn’t notice my semi as I kick out of my pants and pull on bright green shorts. I send Tanner to find his own pants since none of mine will fit, and then check that my hair is covering my scar.
When Tanner reappears, in my shirt, black shorts, and white canvas shoes, I can’t stop my gaze from dipping down and taking him in. My hands are itching to slide over his chest.
I clear my throat and tell him to take his ID and phone, trying to ignore the way my heartbeat is getting louder in my ears as we leave.
His arm brushes my shoulder as he switches off the living room light, and then he rests his big hand on my lower back, guiding me through the darkness to the door.
His aftershave is strong and woodsy, and I’m about a second away from turning my head and pressing it into his neck.
“I cannot believe this is where our night has headed,” I say, stepping out of the warm apartment into the cold hall.
“Neither can I. But is it weird that I’m a little excited?”
I look up to find him watching me steadily. “Excited?”
“Of course. I’ve never seen guys be affectionate with each other. Other than you and me, I don’t know any who are. And I mean, I’m not gay, obviously, but … I dunno, sometimes …”
For fuck’s sake, Tanner, do not leave me hanging. “Yeah?”
He swallows. “Sometimes I feel like we’re the weird ones.” He breaks eye contact. “Like maybe we shouldn’t be close the way we are. Like maybe people watch us and say things because it’s not okay.”
My jaw drops. “What? Since when do you think that?”
“Since always.”
Pain punches my gut. “You’ve never said anything.”
“Never needed to.” He clears his throat. “Either way, I’m not changing. Maybe it is weird, maybe we shouldn’t be so close, or touch so much, or share a bed. I don’t know, Roo.” He sucks in a large breath. “All I know is not doing those things doesn’t feel right.”
I stare at him. Every word falling past his lips goes further toward cementing what I’ve been feeling for him for longer than I can place. “I feel the same way.”
His smile lights up the brown in his eyes. “So that’s what I meant. Even if all the guys there tonight are only trying to get laid, it’ll be a good eye-opener for me.”
Before I’ve registered moving, I step forward and wrap my arms around Tanner’s waist. His response is automatic, instinctual, like this moment was always waiting to happen.
And as his arms close around me, I’m engulfed in his heat.
For one wild moment, I’m about to suggest we head back inside and watch another movie.
But Tanner needs to see this, and even though the want to hook up has long since left me, I really need to be touched.
So I let myself enjoy the hug for another moment before I step away again, severing the connection between us.
Because feeling anything for Tanner right now is going to make tonight harder than it needs to be. This isn’t about feelings; it’s about scratching an itch.
So why am I starting to feel so rotten?