Chapter 23
Tanner
Work this week has kicked my ass. It’s been busy and the more time I spend at work, the less time I get to spend with Roo.
My one highlight is that he seems better. I know I’ll have to face the seizures regularly now he’s back, but at least while he’s with me, I’ll be able to support him.
I wake up early Friday morning, already feeling like crap at the thought of picking up his bed today. He looks so sweet when he’s sleeping, and having Roo’s face as the first thing I see each day has me spoiled.
I press a kiss to his shoulder. “Rise and shine.”
He grumbles and pulls his pillow over his head.
“That’s not gonna stop me.”
“No, but it will block out your voice.”
I chuckle and ease the pillow away. He blinks up at me sleepily, and it steals my breath. “You sure are grumpy in the morning.”
“Yes, but you’ve known that for years.”
“I thought you’d be excited about finally getting your bed.”
I pinch his bottom lip before he can bite it, and he laughs as he swats my hand away. “You’re a pest.”
And he avoided the question. Should I push it? Would it be weird to suggest he still sleep in here sometimes?
Yes, it would.
Obviously I know that, but it doesn’t stop me craving it anyway. We’re the ones who make the rules for this friendship, after all. Still, even I know grown-ass men don’t share a bed just because.
I coax Roo out of bed with freshly brewed coffee, and then we grab the truck and leave. He still looks a bit tired, and I’m hurting basically everywhere, but if we get the bed this morning, we can put it up so it’s ready for tonight.
I’ll finally have my bed back.
I’ll be able to spread out.
It’s a good thing.
Yet I feel like shit anyway.
We’re at the store for maybe fifteen minutes while he signs that we’ve taken the bed and I load everything up. I tie it off securely, and then we head down to Harvey’s for breakfast. Roo is kinda quiet, but I assume he’ll perk up once he’s eaten.
“Coffee with loads of cream?” I ask when he slides into the booth we’ve claimed as our own.
He flips me off. “Black, like—”
“Your soul,” I finish. “The usual?”
“French toast today.”
“Cool.” I almost lean down to kiss him, and catch myself halfway there. His eyes have lit up with repressed laughter. I clear my throat and quickly glance around, but I figure it would be even weirder not to follow through now, so I redirect and kiss the top of his head.
Roo snorts. “Hurry back, sweetheart.”
I shake my head as I walk away, and immediately catch Piper watching us. She’s making an order of coffees as I pull out a stool at the long counter.
“You finally talked to him, then?”
“Nope.”
She frowns. “So what was that?”
“Usual coffees, thanks.”
She purses her lips and starts on our order. “Summer overheard him say he’s leaving.”
Panic seizes me. “What?”
“Yep, when he was out with Circus the other night.”
I shake my head. “Summer must have heard wrong. If he was leaving again, I’d be the first one he told. Not Circus.”
But even as I say that, I think of all the times lately Roo and Circus have hung out, and I’m very, very worried again that something is happening there.
And it would absolutely kill me to find out Roo’s humoring this experimenting thing with me, when all he really wants is to be with someone else.
I feel sick.
Somehow I make it back to the table and sit down across from him. I dunno if he notices something off with me during breakfast, but if he does, he doesn’t comment on it.
A few people stop by our table to say hello. Mrs. Grimes asks for help clearing out her shed, and Toby McInnes, the high school sports teacher, stops by to talk to me about the swim team.
“Royce, dear,” Annie Oldeman says as she gets up from her table. “We were all so happy to hear you were back.” I smile at the way people around here tend to talk for each other. “How are you feeling?” She gestures toward her head, and I tense at the same moment Roo does.
“Yeah, better. Thanks.”
“God, brain surgery. That must have been so scary. But it helped, then? So I guess it was a good thing.”
His smile probably looks sincere to anyone but me. “Yes, brain surgery is a real comfort.”
“I’m glad to hear it.”
She clearly missed the sarcasm. I kick Roo’s foot before he can say anything else, and Annie turns her warm smile on me.
“It’s so nice to see you both together again. We were all very worried about you, Tanner.”
I don’t hide my feelings as well as Roo. “Thank you?”
She leaves with a nod, and I turn wide eyes on Roo. “That was weird.”
“Oh, don’t you know?” Roo leans back in the booth and crosses his arms. “Yeah, we’re apparently dating.”
I groan, which only encourages him.
“Word is you’ve been pining for me for the last five years, and I’m assuming no one has Internet access, because they all seem to think it took me that whole time to recover just so I could come running back to you.”
“Jesus, people around here are dramatic.”
“Very romantic story, though,” he deadpans.
I grunt while he tries not to laugh. I understand why he finds it funny—we’ve been dealing with that crap for years—but if Piper is right and he’s planning to leave again, he’s not the one who will have to deal with the constant gossip.
If they were talking about me, apparently worried when Roo left the first time, what will they say if he up and leaves me a second time?
The heartbroken guy definitely isn’t how I want people seeing me. And now I have a sudden idea of what Roo’s always talking about. Does it matter if their concern is coming from a good place?
Not when it feels invasive and awkward as shit.
The tightening in my gut makes that the least of my worries, though. Because if he leaves me again, I might pull a Circus and move as far from civilization as I can manage.
He needs to stay. I need to convince him to stay.
“You okay?”
“Fine.” It’s a total lie, and I know he doesn’t buy it.
“They’re idiots,” he says, leaning over the table. “Don’t worry about what they’re saying; it’s all small-minded bullshit.”
I look skyward, trying to figure out what’s going on in my mind. “I can handle anything they say.”
“You sure about that? Piper says differently, and you’ve always wanted to impress these people who can never seem to mind their own goddamn business.”
People not minding their business is something I’ve gotten used to since I was a kid. Nearly everyone in Sunbury has been up in my business for as long as I can remember, so their interest in me and Roo seems normal.
The fact that they think we’re dating is pretty standard for them.
And the fact that everyone assumes I’m gay or whatever doesn’t seem to bother me either.
No … What’s bothering me is that they think we’re together …
And we’re not.
They’re all picturing us as a loving couple who go home to each other every day, who look after each other and have each other’s backs, who are planning a future with a white picket fence and pets and maybe a kid or two.
Which is just—
Completely accurate.
I slump back in the booth as my pulse kicks up a notch.
We do love each other, and we do come home to each other every day.
We’ve always had each other’s backs, and didn’t I ask him last week about buying a house with me?
Maybe we’re not talking kids or pets or …
But he does want a cat. And now that I’ve remembered that, I’m tempted to jump from the booth and make it happen right now.
I want to give Roo everything.
All of me.
But does he even want that?
I cringe as I think of telling him about this massive brain crash I’m currently having. Roo would never be an asshole about turning me down, but there are way too many people here, and I don’t want to put Roo in the position where he thinks he has to be with me.
Because damn, that’s what I want.
Somehow I manage to keep quiet this explosion of feelings going off inside my chest.
At least for now.
I know I won’t be able to keep it to myself for long, though.
Because I’m in love with my best friend.
Fuck.
I’m in love with Roo.
All those things I was picturing are suddenly exactly what I want. Roo and a house and a life together.
Now how the hell do I make that happen?
I reach across the table and squeeze his hand. “Love you.”
His warm smile melts me. “I love you too, big guy.”
I have no idea how I’ll get the words out to tell him how I feel.
All I know is I have to.