Chapter 25
Tanner
I’m numb. My mouth is hanging open, my fingers are tingling, and I’m just staring, staring, staring.
Since we met?
Roo’s eyes have gone all big and scared, and his bottom lip is trembling. All I know is I have to put a stop to it. End whatever thought is making him look that way.
His words slowly start to seep into my sluggish brain, and two words—in love—keep echoing in my ears.
Roo loves me.
He scrambles off the other side of the bed. “I’m going to head out for a bit.”
I jump from the bed before he can make it to the doorway. I’m not totally conscious of what I’m doing; all I know is I need to stop him from leaving. I block his path, and when he tries to bat me away, I pull him closer.
“Tanner …”
“Look at me.”
When he finally does, his eyes look dull, and his lips are turned down the way they go right before he starts to cry. I kiss the little dip.
He pulls back. “Please don’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep hoping that this is more than it is.”
I wrap my arms around him and pull him in tight. Then my lips brush his ear. “What if this is exactly what you’re hoping for?”
“I’d think I’d gone crazy.”
I kiss the soft skin under his ear. “Then maybe we both are.” His peach shampoo is strong, and I hold him and breathe it in, letting myself get lost in his familiarity. “Because I love you too.”
The tension in his back finally eases a little under my hands. “You’ve always loved me. That’s not what I’m talking about.” His tone is probing, and I know, because I know him so well, that he’s trying not to get his hopes up.
Because I’m terrible with words, I pull back and kiss him, wanting to go desperate with need, but slowing it down instead. I stay in control, slowly sliding my tongue along his, and finally, he starts to respond.
Roo reaches up to run his fingers over my short hair as he pulls my head closer. His body presses in tighter, lean muscles against mine, completely swamped by my arms.
I love it.
I moan and press my lips hard against his. “I love you. In all the same ways you love me.”
“I—” He shakes his head like he’s trying to work out what to say. “When did you …”
“Sort of this morning at the diner, I guess, but I think it’s been coming on for a while.
It was every little thing, one after another.
And then … I realized I can’t live without you again.
I realized I want everything we’ve ever had, and everything we currently have, and everything we could have …
I don’t actually give a shit.” I laugh as I take a breath. “I just want you to be mine.”
Roo’s smile is small and uncertain, but I promise myself to make it bigger and more sure with every chance I get. “I always have been.”
Good enough for me. I lift him clean off his feet and carry him to what I’m coming to think of as our room. I throw him onto the mattress. He looks so right in my bed. Then I cover his body with mine, and yep, he looks so right there too.
I’m done being sweet. I attack his mouth and let the need I feel for him flow through me. My heart feels full, my dick is hard, and I can’t stop my hands from creeping under his shirt and finding his smooth, warm skin.
Roo spreads his thighs, pulling me down on top of him, and when our hard cocks make contact, a low groan rumbles in my chest.
He cups my jaw and eases me back a little, his heavy panting hitting my chin. “I want you to fuck me.”
“What?”
Roo nods, eyes dark with lust. “Please. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel you inside me.”
Then that’s exactly what I’ll give him. “Tell me what to do.”
We lose our clothes fast, and Roo directs me to grab the lube and condoms.
“Damn,” I moan, hanging my head back. “I don’t wanna use a condom.”
His lust seems to burn deeper. “We’ll get tested. Tomorrow. Make appointments. I don’t want to use them either.”
“But we’ve gotta tonight?”
“Probably smart.”
I’m not smart, and I don’t wanna be smart, but I know he’s right. I flick open the lube and pour a generous amount into my hand. “I’ve gotta stretch you first, right?”
“Hell yeah.”
I’m kinda lost on exactly what to do, but I assume it can’t be too hard to figure out. I go back to kissing him because I can’t get enough, and it distracts me from overthinking.
Right. Fingers. Hole. I can do this.
My hand creeps between his legs, and I run one finger down the crease of his ass. Roo squirms against me, and the small movement makes me smile. My confidence increases a little, and when my finger brushes his hole, Roo moans.
Hearing that sound from him is addictive.
It spurs me on.
I increase the pressure, slowly working my finger in until I breach the tight ring of muscle and his body practically sucks me in.
“Fuck,” I mutter against his lips. “You’re so tight. I can’t wait to be inside you.”
The thought of how this pressure is going to feel around my dick has me light-headed. I kiss him harder, rutting my cock against his thigh as I work my finger in and out of his body.
“More,” he begs, and I quickly give him what he needs.
Two fingers, then three. Roo is working his hips back onto my fingers, like he can’t get enough.
“Okay, I’m so ready.”
I hurry to grab the condom and rip it open, but I’m struggling to focus on much more than the way my dick is aching. When I’m finally sheathed, I squeeze my erection for a moment and try to get myself to calm down.
That works for approximately two point five seconds, though, because as soon as I open my eyes and see Roo watching me, pure bliss overrides my system.
I lean down and steal a sweet kiss as I position myself. Roo draws his legs back farther, I line up with his hole, and then I push forward.
I swear my eyes roll back in my skull.
Needing to see this, I lean back, and with each inch I sink into his body, it feels so good, so right. It kills me to think it’s my fault we’ve never done this before.
“God, you’re sexy,” Roo breathes. He reaches for my shoulders and pulls me back down on top of him. “I love you so much.”
My heart goes warm. I wrap my arms under his shoulders so I can cradle his head, and look down at him as my hips press against his ass. It takes everything in me to hold back from coming already. “Love you too.”
“Good.” Roo slaps my ass. “Now fuck me.”
“Someone’s bossy.”
“Not new information.”
I roll my hips, and pleasure shoots along my spine. “Oh shit.” I duck down and claim his mouth as I pull out and slam back in.
I’ve had sex with a few other people before, but I don’t remember anything ever feeling like this. My thrusts are more instinctual than thought out, all driven by my cock, chasing the high of my orgasm.
Roo’s body works under mine. His ass is tight around me, and when I pull back a little and grip his thighs, tilting his hips farther forward, Roo lets out a loud cry.
“Yes. That. Do that.”
I repeat my movement, and seeing him lose his damn mind under me makes me speed up. I start to thrust harder, making him fist the bedsheets, and each time I pound his prostate, Roo moans.
I can’t drag my eyes from him. His flat stomach, his smooth chest, and all that skin dotted with freckles—all mine. Mine, mine, mine.
It’s driving me crazy.
Drops of sweat slither down my spine, and my breathing is coming faster. I doubt I’m going to be able to hold out for too much longer, but damn it, I never want this to end.
Roo’s leaking cock and blissed-out face tell me he’s not far from the edge either. I let go of one of his legs, then reach down and start to jerk him.
“Tanner, fuck, Tanner.” His eyes shoot open and lock on mine as his whole body starts to twitch with his orgasm. Cum coats his stomach, and his ass tightens around my cock.
I let go of him to lean forward, bracketing his head with my forearms. My forehead presses against his, and I can’t drag my eyes away as I lose rhythm and my hips take on a mind of their own.
I’m so close, so close, and the second my orgasm crashes into me, groans and curses fall from my lips as my brain completely checks out.
I collapse on top of him, and even though I need to catch my breath, I seal his lips with mine. We’re both breathing heavily through our noses, barely even kissing, but I crave the connection, and I can sense he does too.
That was … exactly right. Maybe I should be worried about what it means for our friendship, or whether this means Roo’s staying, or the fact that I’m wholeheartedly ready to be in an actual relationship with a man, but those things seem like annoying thoughts rather than anything I need to spend time thinking about.
It doesn’t matter to me that Roo’s a guy, only that he’s him. And I think I’ve been in love since we first met, too.
Acknowledging I’m in love with Roo breaks open a whole side of my brain I’ve been ignoring.
Waking up beside him is bliss, feeling his warm skin against mine makes me dizzy, and being able to touch him, whenever I want, is literally the highlight of my day.
I can’t believe that twelve years after meeting him, I can still be as addicted to him as I was when we were prepubescent eleven-year-olds.
The first time I saw him was when I was called to the office in middle school and asked to help show him around. Roo had been wearing a scowl and a chip on his shoulder, and the second we left the office, he opened his mouth and a thick Australian accent fell out.
“I don’t need a bloody babysitter. Mate.”
And even as dumb as I was back then, I could hear how much irony he packed into that one word.
I don’t know what it was about him trying to shake me all day, but I followed him everywhere.
And when I asked him to come over after school, and he said yes, I felt like the coolest sixth grader alive.
It became real damn clear, real damn fast, that everything was better with Roo there.
Apparently that now includes sex too.
Because fuck me, that was the hottest sex of my life.
I glance up in time to see Circus walk into Peg’s café, and I wave him over. The café was an easy choice because it’s off O’Connell Road and nowhere near as busy as Harvey’s. Which means less chances to be overheard.
Circus places his order before he joins me. “Morning,” he grunts as he takes a seat. “Now what’s so urgent you had to haul my ass up this early?”
“I want your help with something.” Needing something to do with my hands, I pluck one of the sugar packets out of the jar and start to tap it on the table.
“And it couldn’t wait until later?”
“I work later. And I wanted to chat with you before Roo wakes up.”
“It’s about him?”
It’s so fucking hard not to laugh. “Isn’t everything?”
“Only when it comes to you, man.”
Circus’s coffee is called, and I wait for him to get up and collect it as I work through what I want to say.
“So what’s up?”
“I have to convince Roo to stay.”
Circus’s expression grows wary. “I dunno, Tanner. He made it pretty clear he’s not here long-term.”
“I know he did. But he has to be.” I drop back in my seat. “I don’t know what I’ll do if he leaves again.”
“Survive, move on, go back to dating.”
I cringe. “None of that sounds like any fun.”
“Oh really?” Circus leans farther across the table. “Aren’t your balls getting sore from months of no action?”
I shift uncomfortably. “Back to Roo.”
“I thought that’s who we were talking about.”
“Can you help me? You know, figure out how to convince him to stay here?”
Circus takes a long breath. “I don’t think I should get involved. I mean, if you’re not incentive enough, I don’t think anything will be.”
“There has to be a way.” There really, really has to be because I’m desperate here. “He hates Sunbury so much.”
“Can you blame him, with all the shitty memories he must have of this place?”
“Yeah, but there’s good ones too. Way more good ones than bad.”
“Maybe he needs a reminder.”
A reminder. Of all the good times we had together? That’s … something I can manage. “Do you think that will help?” I have to keep a hold on the excitement trying to take over.
“Maybe.” Circus shrugs. “But maybe you’re asking yourself the wrong question.”
“What do you mean?”
“You keep wondering what you need to do to get Roo to stay. Maybe you can’t. Maybe the question you need to be asking is, when he leaves, would you go with him?”