Chapter 10
Rowan
I’ve been back in Sunbury for over a month, and already the shifts at Harvey’s are wearing thin. I have no interest in taking over from my parents; I assume that’ll be down to Piper. She loves it here and did an online business certificate instead of running off to college like I did.
In order to stop working here though, I either need to leave again or find something else to fill my time.
Still working on what that might be.
I finish grilling the beef patty in front of me and slide it onto a burger with all the toppings. One of the options we don’t have here is a vegetarian menu, and it makes me wonder if that’s the reason Circus never comes in and maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with me at all.
Okay, I’m not a dumb shit. I know it has to do with me, but at least I don’t think that’s the only reason.
Since noticing that, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s something we should do though.
Circus can’t be the only vegetarian in town, and maybe it’s not a large clientele, but it might mean those people and their friends choose to come here instead of Peg’s sometimes. Our business is solid, but would doing something a little different make it even better?
Mom and Dad are set in their ways, but maybe it’s something I can run past Piper.
Circus clearly enjoyed that pizza last night. And if we’re already making them from scratch, where’s the harm?
I glance up at the clock just as it ticks over to 5:00 p.m., and two of the part-timers leave the break room and enter the kitchen.
The high school kids spend more time messing around than making the food, but at least I don’t have to deal with their hormonal asses.
I hang up my apron, shove a baseball cap down over my sweaty hair, and leave.
But when I get out front, Piper stops me.
“He’s been waiting for you for half an hour.”
Circus is in a booth up the back, playing with his phone.
“Thanks.”
I’d thought last night was a solid fuck-you when I showed up to find Leon there. He clearly didn’t want to be alone with me, despite inviting me over, so what the hell is he doing here now?
I slide into the booth opposite him. “Pleasant surprise.”
A broad smile crosses his face, but he keeps staring at his screen. “Have you seen this?”
“What?”
“Holy shit.” He laughs and slides the phone toward me.
I don’t know what I’m looking at. “Who is him?” I read. “That’s bad grammar.”
“They’re looking for you.”
“What?” I don’t know why he’s smiling.
“Relax, there’s no way for them to find you. I checked. We have no social media friends in common, even on my normal page, and I hide all the people I follow anyway. They’re looking for a needle in a haystack.”
I shift uncomfortably and glance around the diner. It’s past the afternoon rush, and I’m unsure whether that’s a good thing. Less people are around to overhear, but it makes the room quiet, and I’m conscious our voices will carry.
“Come on.” I go outside and Circus follows me. “Now, explain what’s going on?”
“The last few days I’ve been posting pictures of us captioning them with dumb stuff and always calling you ‘him.’”
I know. I’ve seen. But of course I don’t mention that. “And now people want to know who I am?”
“Yep. This worked out way better than I thought it would. When Royal Swimwear first noticed people asking about who you were, they ran with it. Everything they post is hashtag him. Circus and him. They’re pushing the secret angle, and it’s driving people nuts that they can’t find you.”
My mouth won’t close. “Why the hell do they care who some random guy in a bunch of photos with you is?”
“This is the kicker. They think we’re dating.
See, there’s this whole subculture online of people shipping certain influencer couples.
And the ones who follow some of the gay couples out there are next-level supporters.
Today, the brand’s post was ‘You and him deserve to be Royal. Show us your Royalty’ and people have been posting pictures with their boyfriends all day. ”
“Us? Dating?” My brain feels stuck.
“Trust me when I say I would have preferred literally anyone else to do this with me. But you’re it. And if we play up this fake dating angle …”
I feel like I’ve been dropped into an alternate universe or something. “Won’t people be mad when they find out the truth?”
“Nope. Because they won’t. You want to stay hidden, and I never once mentioned we were dating. People put that together themselves.”
“Because you baited them into it.”
He laughs. “Maybe a little.”
Oh, man, I have a bad feeling about this. “The more popular this thing is, the more chance someone we know will see it.” And the thought of someone in my family seeing those shots? Panic starts to claw at my throat. “Fuck, maybe this was a bad idea.”
“Whoa, calm down.”
“Calm down?” Sure, that’s easy for him to say. “This is exactly the sort of thing I never wanted to happen.” My voice is getting louder, but I’ve lost all control over it.
“I’ll stop posting, then.” Circus glares up at me from under his dark lashes. “Don’t stress about it. No more sneaky shots of the two of us. No more posts. Relax. I’ll build my audience without you.”
“It’s not …” God, how do I even begin to describe to him the sheer panic I have about my family starting to question anything to do with my sexuality?
I’ve kept it hidden for so long because none of them have assumed I’m anything other than straight.
I quickly glance around. “I’m still in the closet for a reason.
I love my family, I don’t want them to disown me. ”
“Well, maybe you can share your little secret once you’ve moved away from here.”
Ah. That. I shuffle my feet and stare down the other end of the road. “What if … what if you kept the money, and I stayed here?”
“What?”
“I don’t want to leave, Circus. I’m sorry. I know that was our deal, and I loved the time I spent in Portland, but when I picture my life, I picture myself living here. Traveling maybe. Coming and going, but this is my home. This is where my family is. Are you really going to make me leave them?”
“You mean the awesome family who doesn’t even know the real you? The horror! I’m such an asshole.”
“They’re stuck in their ways.”
“They’re homophobes.”
I grit my teeth because he’s right and I don’t want to argue. But it hurts to be reminded of the fact the people I love unconditionally have definite conditions in return.
He steps a bit closer and drops his voice. “I’m being a dick. I get it. But you’re gay, dude. And that’s not a bad thing to be. I fucking hate that they’ve convinced you it is.”
I study the bump in his nose again. “Since when do you care anyway?”
Circus quickly backs up. “I don’t. Deal with your own shit. Like I said, I’ll go back to only sharing my pretty face with the world. Oh, and that money came through. I’ll send through your share once I’m home.”
I guess that’s his way of telling me he still wants me gone.
I know he can’t technically banish me or anything like that, but the problem is that if I stay, Circus knows too much. It would be too easy for him to let slip one night that I’m the one who broke his nose five years ago and that’s the reason I left town.
Because getting that out there is going to start the questions of why. Why were we alone that night? Why did I punch him? Why didn’t Circus tell anyone until now?
And actually, I’d kind of like to know the answer to that one as well.
But I can’t bring myself to ask.
“Circus …”
He waits. Gives me a chance to answer. But my throat feels stuck, and all the rampant thoughts set loose in my brain refuse to come out.
I sigh and my focus lands on his nose again. “I really am sorry.”
“Sorry …” He closes the distance between us, and for the first time since we’ve reconnected, he meets my eyes and I get a glimpse of the guy I fell for. “The sad part is, Rowan, you’re still apologizing for the wrong thing.”
He’s gone before I can even begin to figure out what he means.
That night, Circus follows through on his word.
Except when I log in to my bank account and see almost double the amount we agreed on, I’m sure there must be a mistake.
A text quickly follows it.
Unknown:
They were so happy, they paid us double. Here’s your share minus fees. Thanks for helping. C.
Fuck.
I sink down on the side of my bed, staring at all those digits. Is this real life?
I’ve never seen this much money ever, and suddenly it’s all sitting in my bank account. Were the pictures really that good?
I hunch forward, head between my knees, and let my phone drop to the ground.
Jesus.
Who the hell has a panic attack over having money?
My phone stares back at me, the message he sent dulled, and the dumbest, strangest, most absurd thought starts to kick around in my head.
Me:
I think I have a deal for you