Chapter 11
Rafe
Iend up staying with Cam for over a week.
It’s not as bad as I would have imagined though, because other than the weekend, we don’t see much of each other.
It’s both good and bad. Good, because I can’t handle the weird neediness I feel when I’m around him, and bad, because with our little breakthrough on Saturday, I want to see what could happen if we both try.
On Sunday, I lie and tell my parents I’m too sick for church, then make excuses about being busy to duck out of Tuesday breakfast.
Thankfully, Cam’s held off on any more talk about sex toys—or worse still, offering a live demonstration—and instead stuck to light ribbing and general re-get-to-know-you stuff.
Laura calls me at work on Thursday to check in and let me know she’s told Jules and Mitch about the split, and she’s going to move in there.
She’s sworn them both to secrecy, which is a relief considering we’ve only been broken up a little over a week, but I tried to assure her there was no hurry to leave.
Technically, I paid the deposit for the house, but we both contributed.
It’s messy. But she says she feels off there without me and needs to get out.
I know what she means though. The familiarity of sharing the house with someone else will be hard to shake, but unlike Laura, it’s not the nostalgia I’ll miss. I’m more worried I’ll get lonely.
I send a quick text to Cam to let him know I’m heading home tonight. I stare at his name for a beat longer than I should, considering whether I should invite him over to hang out.
But the sooner I get used to being alone, the better.
I still have no idea when I’m going to tell my parents that Laura and I broke up, but I can already feel the time crunch hanging over me.
Thankfully, I have the excuse of being busy.
In the last few months, sales in Sunbury have picked up a lot. With prices in Portland increasing, it means people are moving farther away looking for a deal, which has kept me run off my feet.
Unfortunately, I can only delay going home for so long, and when I wrap up my final marketing contract of the day, I resign myself to going back to an empty house.
It doesn’t say a lot about our relationship that while I miss having someone here, I don’t specifically miss her.
My dinner is the fastest pasta dish ever, and then I sink down on the couch in front of the TV, wishing Cam was here with me. At least I have the excuse of dropping in to see him at some point to pick up the bag of clothes I left there.
Thinking of him reminds me of our conversation, and after a moment of hesitation, I pull out my phone and google “sex toys.”
Damn, there’s a whole range. It’s a bit confronting. Like, where do I even start with it all? I’m about to text Cam when there’s a knock at my front door.
I’m half expecting Laura, so when I open it and find Cam there in his scrubs and backward cap, my face splits into a smile. “Miss me already?”
“Always.” He walks inside without an invitation. “Your present came today.”
“My …” I reach out and take the rectangular package Cam’s holding out for me. I eye it suspiciously. “This better not be what I think it is.”
“Okay then.”
“You’re not filling me with confidence, here.”
He smirks. “Could be filling you with something else though.”
I stop myself from laughing. “What is wrong with you?”
“Some people say I was dropped on my head as a child …”
“It would definitely explain some things,” I mutter, eyeing the box. Okay, so maybe it’s not usual for guys to buy other guys … whatever this is, but I can’t deny I’m curious.
Everyone makes out like sex is only worth it if you’re sticking your dick inside someone else, but Cam’s right. Why shouldn’t I be able to have some fun solo?
“I mean, if you don’t want it, I can always send it back.” Cam goes to take the box, but I quickly jerk it out of his reach.
“On second thought, I wouldn’t want to be ungrateful.”
“Well, if you like that one, let me know. The things you can find online is wild. Ever wanted to shove alien eggs up your ass?” He winks. “I’ve got you covered.”
“I think I can safely say it’s a no to that one.”
“Tentacles?”
I blink. “What are you into?”
“Hey, we never kink shame, thanks. And yeah, tentacles are a no from me as well, but you never know what turns someone’s crank until you ask.”
“Maybe you just … shouldn’t ask.”
“You mean it’s possible to not know everyone’s business?” He shakes his head suddenly. “Nah, that doesn’t sound right.”
He follows me into the kitchen where I drop his present onto the table. Cam jumps up to sit on the counter beside me as I start to rinse my dishes.
“I’ve never been in here before,” he says. “It’s … nice.”
“It’s a house.”
He hums. “Not very you though, is it?”
I can’t disagree with him there. It doesn’t feel like me, but it’s sort of hard to know why when I don’t even know who I am.
“It’s a house. It’s fine.”
“Well, if you want help doing anything to the place, ask. This is your chance, isn’t it? The house is yours now. You can do literally anything.”
I know he means that to be motivating, but it’s overwhelming as hell.
“Huh.” I lean forward and rest my forehead in my palms. “I really am alone.”
“You okay there?”
“I don’t know.” My voice has never sounded that squeaky in my entire life. But even as the realization that I’m back to square one passes over me, the panic starts to pass, and relief kicks in.
This is it.
I get to start again.
That thought is both terrifying and freeing.