Chapter 12
Cam
Ikeep expecting to pull up back at home and see Laura’s car in the driveway next door. He’s only been home alone for two days, and I already miss him. So I’ve been spending as much time as possible texting him and hanging out until we’re both too tired to stay up any later.
Part of the reason is selfishness on my behalf.
The other part is that he wasn’t happy with her.
And I want him to be happy.
My phone lights up with a text.
Rafe:
Burgers from Harvey’s tonight?
I smile dumbly at my phone. I must have missed the point where it became natural for us to have dinner together every night, but other than Tuesday, we’ve eaten together for almost two weeks. Yep. Definitely not hating that development.
Me:
Sounds great!
I even throw the exclamation mark in there so he knows exactly how great I find that idea.
After another long day at the clinic, I pull up back at home, planning to change out of my scrubs and into some sweats and a T-shirt before heading to Rafe’s. My phone starts to ring almost as soon as I’m through the front door.
“Mom, long time, no talk.” And by long time, I mean a day.
“Hey, sweetie, how are things?” Her tone is distracted, letting me know she’s calling for more than to check in.
“I’ve worked out how to solve world hunger, but other than that, the usual.”
She hums disinterestedly. “That’s nice. Listen, I’ve only got a minute before this meeting, but tell me.
Joan Everett swears Laura has been staying with her cousin for the last two days.
I told her that can’t be the case because if her and Rafe broke up, you’d be the first to know, and of course you’d tell me immediately, right? ”
Normally I love the Sunbury gossip mill, but today, not so much. “You know Rafe and I aren’t friends. Why would I know anything?”
Except we are friends. Now. I think.
And I do know things. Probably more than anyone else will ever find out.
I like that he confides in me now. Even if it’s only very rarely.
“Because you live next door. Surely you’d know if her car has been there.”
As much as I like to have fun and goof around, I don’t like to outright lie. The alternative, though, is people finding out about the breakup, and even though it would force Rafe’s hand into making it official, it really needs to come from him.
If he’s the one to tell his parents, it will be for good.
“I have no idea.” I clear my throat. “I don’t pay that much attention.”
Mom laughs. “Well, be more observant, would you? I can’t imagine it though. Those two breaking up? It’ll never happen.”
I force myself to laugh along with her before she hangs up. She’s right. Teresa won’t handle the breakup well. Rafe’s dad will probably be disappointed, but he’ll be supportive because that’s who he is.
The rest of town … well, they’re bound to have strong opinions either way.
I’d hate to be the person either of them dates next because the level of scrutiny will be unbelievable.
And also, whoever Rafe dates next … yeah, look, I’ll probably be an asshole to them.
Because Rafe deserves to be happy, and I want to be the one who makes him happy.
That said, I have no idea if he actually wants to date at all, and if he does, whether he even swings my way.
It’s also the one question I’m too scared to ask him. It would be easy enough to throw it out there like I’m joking, but if he says he’s straight, then it’s game over. Just like that.
The not knowing might be driving me crazy, but I’m enjoying the hope it gives me.
Plus … I don’t want to admit to myself that I might be a decent human, but Rafe needs time to figure out his sexuality on his own. He’s just started looking into being ace, and he needs to be able to explore that without people suddenly throwing themselves at him.
And by people, I mean me.
I’m people.
But people have also waited ten years for Rafe to be single, so people can suck it up. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen.
Fuck, I hate that saying.
Rafe gets home half an hour later than me, and I meet him out the front as he pulls up. I take the burgers while he grabs his laptop bag and jacket from the passenger seat, and then I follow him into the house.
“Made another sale today,” he says, pulling two beers from the fridge.
“Heyyy!” I hold up my hand for a high five, and he hesitates before very reluctantly giving me a half-hearted tap.
He passes a bottle to me, and I take a long swig. We end up eating on the couch like we always do.
“By the way,” I start, not really wanting to go into it, “the breakup rumors have started.”
He sighs. “Of course they have. I’m surprised they didn’t earlier, I guess.”
“Well, you guys have kept things quiet. You said Laura doesn’t go out much, and she hasn’t actually moved anything but her clothes out, right?”
“And a few other things, but mostly that’s it, yeah.” He stares across the room as conversation lapses into silence. “What was Seattle like?”
“Seattle?” I screw up my nose. “It’s a city.”
He whacks my knee. “I’ve barely left Sunbury. Give me some details.”
“Okay, it’s a bigger city than Sunbury and a smaller city than LA.”
“So many details, it’s like I’m there.” He turns back to his burger, but he’s smiling a little. “Smart-ass.”
I nudge him this time. Not for any reason, but I like the casual contact. Even when we were younger, we didn’t have a whole lot of it, especially after I started to work out how I felt. “Why are you suddenly so curious?”
“I figure I should make an evacuation plan for after I tell Mom about Laura.” He says it like he’s joking, but something in his tone gets my attention.
“You wouldn’t actually leave though, right?”
He takes a moment to chew the bite he’s taken. “Dunno. Maybe.”
“Like … for a vacation.”
“Sure. Or for good.”
Panic jolts through me. “Umm. Okay.”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You sound …” He shakes his head. “Never mind.”
Never mind. Right. Of course. It’s unimportant. My burger gets a whole lot harder to swallow. Instead of telling him I don’t want him to go, or that I’ll miss him, I settle for teasing instead. “You know, the guys in Seattle would eat you alive.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“For real. A handsome guy like yourself will break a million gay hearts in a big city.” And one pathetic gay heart if he leaves Sunbury.
“Or maybe I’ll find the perfect guy for me.”
My heart stops. “Umm … repeat that. And explain.”
Rafe starts to laugh. “You should see your face.”
That was a joke? Kill me now. I lift my hat and run my hand back through my hair before setting it down again.
Then his face falls. “Because apparently you’re the only one I have to talk to about this … I don’t know. The thought of being with a guy is about on the level of being with a woman other than Laura. Slightly terrifying.”
“Why? Do you think … is it because you miss her, or …”
“No.” He pauses. “Well, I do, but as a person. Not as my girlfriend. It’s more that I’ve never dated. The thought of it scares the shit out of me. And now that I’m pretty sure I am ace, like how do I even start to handle that?”
“I’d suggest adding it to your introduction. Hey, I’m Rafe. I like long walks on the beach and people who keep their hands to themselves.”
“Hear that?”
I cock my head. “What?”
“That was the sound of every potential partner ever, running for the hills.”
It’s a pain in the ass to bite my tongue and not tell him that anyone who only wants him for sex is a dumbass. That hey, hello, I’m here.
So I decide to go for a more subtle approach. “I’m sure it’ll probably be a deal breaker for some people—hey, most of us love sex. But you’ve seen my drawer of toys. There are people who won’t care, especially if they care about you. You’re allowed to have boundaries.”
“I’m beginning to understand that.” He eyes me. “You’ve changed.”
“I resent that.”
“It’s a good thing.”
“Why? I like who I am.”
Rafe grins. “I like who you are too. But you’re different to the person I liked when we were younger.”
“Shut up and eat your burger.”
“You’re blushing.”
“Bullshit. I don’t blush.”
“You’re right.” His tone turns mocking. “I must have you confused with that other person sitting next to me.”
“Someone’s found his funny bone.”
“I told you, it only happens around you.”
“I’ll have to make sure I’m around a lot more, then.”
He throws his wrapper at my face. “Good.”
And damn if that one word doesn’t wreak havoc on my heart.