Chapter 13
Rafe
Cam:
What are you doing?
Iread over the message again, unsure if I should bullshit or give him the truth. Anyone else, and there’s no way in hell I’d let them know, but with Cam … well, he’s the one who put this whole idea in my head to begin with, so …
I bite my lip as I look at the still-unused dildo lying on my bed. To say I’ve been intimidated by the thing is an understatement, but for some wild reason, I want to try it.
Google has been my friend lately.
Apparently it’s not only gay guys who like ass play, thanks to Mr. Prostate. I have no idea if it’s for me, but I figure I might as well try it out and see. I’m curious to find out if it’s as great as these men online are claiming.
I hold my phone out and take a picture of the fake dick beside me. I’m still not sold on texting the shot when I force my thumb to hit Send.
Then I wait and hope Cam doesn’t think I’m way overstepping the lines of our friendship.
These last few weeks with him back in my life have been everything I didn’t know I needed.
When he asked if I could see myself with a man, I’m still not sure.
Sexually, there’s nothing, but that’s the same with women.
Emotionally … well, I like being around Cam.
I like when he messages me and when we hang out.
I like when we talk and when we have nothing to say at all.
We spend more time together than I ever spent with Laura, and the days where I don’t see him feel like I’m going through the motions.
If a relationship with a man is like the time I spend with Cam, then yeah.
I could imagine it. It’s the sex stuff that’s complicated.
Cam’s message comes back quickly.
Cam:
One small step for mankind …
Me:
One giant schlong for me.
Cam:
Technically that thing isn’t giant.
He sends through a photo of a dildo even bigger than the one in his bathroom. This one even has the balls.
Me:
How many of those things do you have?
Cam:
I resent the implication you can have too many.
Me:
It’s not like you have more than one place to put them.
Cam:
Some people like to DP, Rafe.
I quickly look up what the hell “DP” means, and after a few different search terms …
Me:
You take them both at ONCE?!
Cam:
Aww my sweet little ace of hearts. I said “some people.” I didn’t specify me.
Me:
…
Cam:
For real! I’m not that badass at bottoming. I’m actually more of a top if we’re sharing, but sometimes switching it up can be fun.
And … I can’t believe I’m having this conversation. I swear that realization hits multiple times a day since Cam came back into my life. He’s an oversharer, which I’d either forgotten, or he’s gotten worse over time, and it leads to some interesting insights into his life.
It also makes me think.
Like right now, I’m considering what he means about “switching it up.” Since I’ve only ever been with Laura, it’s just been assumed that my tab A goes into her slot B, because that’s how our built-in equipment fits.
But if I was with a man … Cam’s body flashes through my mind for a second before I firmly push it out again.
If I was with a man, it could go either way.
I have no idea which I’d prefer.
I have no idea if that’s something I’d ever want to try either.
Baby steps.
Like, this piece of silicone I’m apparently going to shove up my ass.
Cam:
Have fuuun …
Me:
And now you’ve made it weird.
Cam:
Me?! You’re the one who sent the photo. It’s almost like you wanted me to know what you were up to.
Me:
You’re the one who asked.
Cam:
Yeah, because I wanted to come over. Anyone else, and I still would.
My eyes narrow as I read those words. What does that mean? Is he implying that he’d want to join literally anyone but me? I don’t know why that bothers me so much.
Is it because we’re friends and that would be crossing a line?
Is it because he could find anyone but me attractive?
That bastard.
I’m decent-looking, so what’s the problem? I tap the side of my phone, not wanting Cam here but wanting him to want to be here.
I reach over my head and shuck my shirt, before holding the phone out and picking up the dildo. Then I take a photo and type, Your loss.
My hands are clammy as I send it, then quickly switch my phone to silent and grab the lube. If I don’t do this now, I’ll chicken out.
I lie back on my pillows and strip off. After the conversation with Cam, I’m now only half-hard, and knowing that he knows what I’m doing sets off a niggle of discomfort. I remind myself that sex is natural, that I’m not doing anything wrong, and that helps me to relax a little.
I dribble some lube in my hand and wrap it around my dick.
It’s familiar relief as my hand follows the usual pattern of squeezing on the upstroke and then rolling over the silky head.
I get lost in the rhythm, in how good it feels, and when I’m turned on enough to be needy, my fingers trail down my shaft and over my balls.
I’ve researched what comes next, but nothing prepares you for the reality of shoving your own fingers up your ass. I start slowly, easing one in, and the sensation is so foreign I almost stop and call the whole thing off.
And then I think of Cam.
Of him sitting next door, staring at his phone, waiting for a reply and knowing exactly what I’m doing. And instead of that turning me off, I spread my legs wider and press my finger in more.
I imagine Cam putting his phone down and walking over here. Imagine him approaching my bedroom door and seeing me all spread out and filthy, and it sends my arousal to a ten. The thought of his eyes darkened with lust, over me, has a moan catching in my throat.
Cam wouldn’t do anything other than look. Watch.
I slowly start to stretch the skin around my hole enough to push in another finger. It’s hot and tight, my body sucking me in, but I go slow enough that it’s more of a slight discomfort rather than a pain.
Then I feel around and—
“Argh.”
I jerk my fingers out of my ass at the zing that rushes through me. What the … if that was my prostate, I’m unsure how to feel about it.
I think it was good?
Definitely intense.
I take a deep breath and try again. This time when I find that little spot, I’m more prepared, and even though it’s just as intense as the first time, the more attention I give it, the more I need.
My free hand finds my dick, hard and needy, and my thighs are trembling a little. My breathing has picked up, and it’s starting to feel good … too good.
I snatch both hands away and grab the dildo.
I try not to think about what I’m about to do as I lube it up. There’s nothing wrong with a guy using a sex toy on himself. Nothing at all.
Still, I can’t help cringe a little as I press the head of the fake dick against my hole. Cam might not think this thing is big, but it’s bigger than my fingers, and I’m not sure if it’ll fit without me forcing it.
I remember back to what I read and take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. All I need to do is relax.
And as I concentrate on my breathing and stroking my cock, which isn’t sure whether to stay hard or not, I slowly ease the toy in.
It feels like pressure and stretching, but there’s luckily no pain. I quickly add more lube, helping it slide in easier, and as I adjust around it, the nerves prickling in discomfort slowly start to feel good.
“Mm …”
Tingles race through to my balls.
Who knew? Who knew that it was possible to make yourself feel this way?
A lot of people, I guess, but fuck. It needs to be more common knowledge because I would have been doing this years ago. Once I switch off to the reality that I’m fucking myself with a fake dick, I’m able to listen to my body and my body says that it really, really likes this.
Both hands pick up the pace, and the head of the dildo nudges my prostate. Hngh. I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.
My pace increases, and I wonder what I look like. Ridiculous? Sexy? Well and truly out of it?
Then I’m picturing Cam back at my door. I’m picturing his eyes going so dark gray they look black, but I can feel every inch of exposed skin he takes in.
His stare is like a physical touch, roaming over my abs, my cock, to the place between my legs where the dildo is splitting me open. I’m barely aware of how hard I’m thrusting it in and out, each brush of my prostate making it hard to think. I’m so close … so … close …
My exhale is shaky as I think about Cam hard over me.
As I think about his hand slowly dipping beneath his waistband—
I come on a long grunt, my entire body shuddering as my release coats my fist. It takes a few minutes for me to come down from my high. When I can finally think again, all I do is remove the dick with a cringe as my hole readjusts and then grab my phone.
There’s one message waiting, and even though I’m completely exhausted, I manage a smile.
Cam:
Don’t worry, you can thank me later.