Chapter 14
Cam
“I’m off work tonight, and we’re going out. No excuses like last week.”
Ha. Reynolds is so cute when he demands. “Going out where?”
“I don’t know. Somewhere to drink.”
“Hook up?”
“Nah,” he says. “I was thinking us, Matti, maybe Arlo since that asshole he’s currently dating flew home.”
“That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
He chuckles. “It always has been, but whatever. Are you in?”
“Sure. I’ll invite Rafe.”
“And you think my situation is a disaster. Is it true he broke up with Laura?”
“No comment.”
“He did. And now you want in his pants?”
I shake my head, knowing why that’s his assumption. “It’s not like that. He needs a friend, so that’s what I’m being.”
“A friend who wants his dick. Got it.”
My face pulls into a frown at him putting it that way.
My feelings for Rafe go so far beyond wanting to sleep with him.
I mean, yeah, I’ve thought about it a million and one times—especially after that shirtless photo with the dildo that I definitely didn’t save to my phone—but finding out he’s ace changes things.
There’s a very real chance that even if he did want something more with me, sex still wouldn’t be on the table.
And I’m okay with that.
Which is not something I ever thought I’d say because I fucking love sex.
I just love Rafe more.
“All I’m saying is, if you start teasing me about Rafe, I’ll do the same about Arlo. If you don’t want Matti to find out how you feel, you’ll keep your trap shut.”
“You can’t see me, but I’m miming locking my lips.”
“Okay.”
“I’m also flipping you the bird.”
I snort. “Good to know. Let’s all meet at my place. BYOB.”
He hangs up, and I head home to shower and change. I pull on my tightest jeans, then try—and fail—to tame my hair. Rafe sees me every day, sometimes fresh out of the shower and exhausted from work, but tonight, I want to look good.
Rafe texts me right back to say he’ll be over as soon as he’s done with work. Like every time I know I’m going to see him, I’m excited and nervous all at once.
Reynolds is the first one to show up, with Matti and Arlo not that much later. Matti is a blonder, broader version of his brother, but with all the time Arlo has spent traveling over the last year, he’s become way more tanned.
They’re … an interesting dynamic. Reynolds and Arlo are actively avoiding looking at each other, and Matti is unknowingly giving Reynolds the attention Arlo isn’t.
Matti and Reynolds have always been good friends, so no one could blame me for thinking that’s the brother he’s interested in, but seeing the obvious want between Reynolds and Arlo makes my heart hurt for my friend.
I want to nudge him and be like same. Unrequited love can suck a fat one. It would have to be the worst joke in the history of the planet, and when I’m working myself up into a life-is-so-unfair state, my front door opens and Rafe walks in.
He’s wearing jeans that hug his thighs and a Henley that hugs his biceps, and sure, the world is unfair, but look at him. With him here, unrequited feelings suddenly seem like a fair trade-off.
“Sorry, I got held up,” he says, handing me a bottle of—tequila?
I glance from it to him, smirk firmly in place as he says hi to the others.
“A client was having issues getting the contracts signed and emailed to me, so I had to talk them through it.” He keeps talking through shit I have no idea about.
I can feel Reynolds watching him the same way I am.
While Rafe talks, he opens the top cupboard and pulls out two glasses.
He takes the bottle back from me and pours our drinks before handing one over.
The way he moves in the space is confident, used to where everything is thanks to the last few weeks, and as Reynolds catches my attention and raises his eyebrows questioningly, I know what he’s thinking.
All that’s missing is Rafe’s “Hi, honey, I’m home.”
The tequila burns my mouth as I take a sip, then cringe as I swallow. “I know I said I wanted to get drunk, but I meant pleasantly buzzed, not black out and forget.”
He taps his glass against mine. “I remember your first summer home from college after turning twenty-one.”
I go to laugh, then stop. Because … “What are you talking about?”
“I remember. You wouldn’t. Tanner was working security at Ugly’s, and you and some friends decided to celebrate with tequila. I helped Tanner get your sloppy ass home.”
“What the hell?” I turn to where Reynolds is cackling. “I resent that. I’ve never had complaints about a sloppy ass before.”
Rafe goes red as he realizes how what he’s said sounds. “I … I didn’t mean …”
“Tequila!” I slam back the rest of the drink like a shot and try not to gag at the taste. “Look, all I’m hearing is you want to get me drunk tonight. I’ll play along. Now drink up.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he mutters before throwing his drink back too. He coughs around the burn. “Okay, I think we need a mixer for this.”
“No shit.” I grab some soda, and this time the drinks go down a bit smoother. We’re all tipsy when Reynolds suggests we go for a walk, which sounds like an incredible idea to my drunk ass.
Reynolds, Matti, and Arlo walk ahead of us, and Rafe falls into step beside me. He leans closer, making me hyperaware of all the places we’re close and not touching. “What’s going on up here?” He waves his hand toward the three of them.
I mime locking my lips.
“Hey …” He shoves me. “What happened to telling each other everything?”
“Not my thing to tell.”
He eyes them for a moment before glancing at me. “What can you tell me?”
“Your jeans are completely obscene.”
“You can talk. I keep waiting for those to tear every time you bend over.”
“You’ve been watching me bend over?”
“Don’t get ideas. I was being a good friend by making sure you didn’t need a backup pair.”
I sling my arm around his shoulders. “Aw, we’re friends again?”
“I thought that was obvious.”
“I like to be sure of things.” And just as I’m about to pull away, Rafe wraps an arm around my waist. I swear the ground tilts under me.
“Who else would I share my deepest and darkest secrets with?” he asks.
“I hate to tell you this … your secrets aren’t that dark.”
“Feels that way sometimes. I downloaded a dating app, and as I was filling out the profile, I realized that anyone I met up with, I’d have to tell I was ace. Like … every. One. That’s scary.”
“A dating app?” Somehow, I keep my groan internal.
Rafe.
Dating.
Kill me fucking now.
“I was curious about what I’d been missing.”
“Speaking from experience, nothing. It’s a minefield. Some of the men …” I shudder.
“Maybe I should limit my search to women, then.”
I stop walking. His arm falls away. “You, ah … weren’t just looking at women?” All the places we were touching suddenly feel cold.
Rafe shrugs. Shrugs like it’s no big deal, but I’m reeling.
“Turns out there’s a lot I don’t know about myself.
I haven’t focused on all the details, but I’m pretty sure I’m aromantic—probably demiromantic—as well as ace.
So if I take sex out of the equation, I think emotionally, it doesn’t matter to me either way. ”
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. The last few weeks I’ve struggled to differentiate between friendly banter and flirting. My ego hasn’t let me acknowledge that maybe that shirtless photo he sent me wasn’t so innocent.
I know he mentioned something like this before, but I assumed he was thinking out loud. I didn’t think for a second he was serious.
Rafe stumbles to the side, so I use it as an excuse to pull him back against me. We lean heavily into each other as we stumble down the street to the fairground.
“So you know,” I say close to his ear. “You don’t have to come out to anyone you’re not comfortable with. You’re allowed to have boundaries. Set them and stick to them. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.”
Rafe’s nose skirts my cheek as he turns his head to respond, but just as he’s going to, Matti calls out to us.
“Come on, lover boys! We’re going swimming.”
Rafe stiffens. My gut turns to lead. I’m about to brush off Matti’s stupid comment when Rafe’s voice hitches over the word, “Swimming?”
I relax. He’s anxious about swimming, not the pet name. “You scared?”
“It’s night. Who knows what’s in that creek?”
“Relax, you big baby. We’ve done this plenty of times.”
“None of us brought swim trunks.”
My laugh hits his hair, and I’d almost regret the fact I need to let him go if the next part didn’t have me so excited. “Who needs ’em?”
“Wha—”
I jog ahead, pulling off my hat and jacket as I head for the water. “Last one in is chickenshit.”
Rafe swears under his breath, then follows me.
And I deserve some kind of reward for keeping my eyes up front when I can hear him removing his clothes behind me. My skin prickles with goose bumps, and it’s a toss-up whether they’re caused by the cool night air or thinking of all that warm brown skin being exposed to the night.
I’ve never stripped faster in my life in an attempt to get into that water before my dick starts to react. And thank fuck the water is goddamn freezing because it stops my erection in its tracks, and my balls try to retreat back into my body.
“Who the hell thought this was a good idea?” I cringe, willing myself to adjust to the temperature. The alcohol has fled my blood and left me to deal with this solo.
Reynolds and Arlo are already up ahead, and Matti enters beside me. I hear splashing coming from behind and give it to the count of ten before I turn around again.
Rafe is submerged to his waist, body pebbled from the cold and dyed silver from the moon. Shadows throw his muscles into sharp relief, darkening the dusting of hair on his chest, and not even the cold can stop my breath from hitching.
“You’re staring,” Reynolds murmurs as he swims past. I quickly snap my gaze away, but it finds its way back to Rafe again.
He joins me, and I can hear his teeth knocking together. “I’m not dr-drunk enough for this.”
“Aw, you cold, precious?”
“And you’re not?” He flicks one of my stiff nipples, making me hiss.
“Jerk.”
“Figured I should get you before you got me.” Rafe covers his chest, and I use his distraction to jump forward and dunk him. Unfortunately for me, he’s gotten smarter than when we were kids, because as he disappears underwater, his arm snakes around my waist, and I follow him.
Dark water rushes up around me for a second before I kick back to the surface. It’s so cold and brief I don’t get a chance to enjoy his closeness. I reemerge sputtering.
“Will you ever grow up?” His words come out between coughs as he swipes sopping hair from his forehead.
“Not if I have anything to do with it.”
We tread water for a bit before I decide to mess with Rafe again. I pretend to watch Arlo but reach my foot toward Rafe and very lightly brush the back of his leg. He freezes for a second, and I watch him from the corner of my eye as he glances toward the dark water.
He doesn’t say anything at first, and I wait for a reaction. When one doesn’t come, I move my foot higher to run along the backs of his thighs.
Rafe jumps, sending a splash of water my way. “The fucking fuck? Nope! I’m out.” He hurries for dry land, and I barely manage to keep my amusement to myself. Reynolds approaches as I watch Rafe’s wide back retreat.
“That scaredy-cat is the dude you’re into?” he teases.
My smile feels dumb. “Yep. Head over heels.”
Rafe stumbles, water splashing up around his legs as he bares his ass for us all to see.
“You okay?” I call.
“Fine.” He rushes to pull his dry clothes over his wet skin. “I’m just gonna …” He hooks his thumb back over his shoulder, then spins and starts to walk away.
“Rafe, do you …”
My words die on the air when Rafe picks up the pace.
He’s gone before I can get my feet to follow him.