Chapter 17
Rafe
The last thing I want after a morning spent hanging out with Cam is to go to lunch at my parents’ house, but I’ve been avoiding them over the last two weeks—too busy for church and our catch-ups—and I think they’re starting to pick up on my weirdness.
I like to trick myself into thinking I’ll tell them about the split and make it official if I actually balls up and see them, but I also know myself too well to believe it.
There’s one difference this time around—Cam. The little spark of something between us motivates me to try.
It’s the first time Laura and I have broken up where I can picture it lasting. That thought is still scary, but it’s quickly becoming more exciting than terrifying.
And if I can get out the words and make it official, I’ll be free to explore whatever is building with Cam. That being a reality is almost too much to hope for.
I pull up out the front of Mom and Dad’s two-story home and then almost keep driving. How do I tell them that someone they love like a daughter won’t be around anymore?
They’d wanted Laura to come today, and she’d even said she would, but those little slips are what invariably end up bringing us back together again. I need to be stronger than that.
Still, I can’t help feeling like a dumb kid as I cross the lawn and approach my childhood home.
I’ve had plenty of friends over growing up, and Laura has visited more times than I can count, but it’s never reminded me of anyone other than Cam.
Maybe that should have been my first clue.
That I couldn’t even walk through this front yard without remembering us wrestling, or lying in the grass, or climbing the tree that’s long since been removed.
Is it possible I had feelings for him all the way back then? Maybe, maybe not. But I do know that I’ve never been as close with anyone as I am with Cam, and if we can take that close friendship and turn it into more … Picturing myself actually happy, in a life I’ve chosen …
Is he my Roo?
I shake my head.
No point getting ahead of myself.
Baby steps, Rafe.
For today, I’ll have lunch and maybe start to drop some hints.
I let myself inside and find Mom and Dad in the kitchen preparing lunch. There’s a huge bowl of salad on the counter and the smell of a bird cooking in the oven.
“This is fancy,” I tease, letting them know I’m here.
“Rafe!” Mom hugs me and plants a kiss on my cheek. “You’re right on time to help.”
“Help? I don’t think I signed up for that.” Unlike Cam, I’m not a cook. It’s not something I enjoy. I have a brief moment of imagining what it would be like if he was here, standing next to Mom and Dad and helping them get things ready, when Mom shatters that image.
“Where’s Laura?”
Her question should be the perfect time to spill, but on reflex, I say, “She stayed home.” Somehow, I keep my voice level, because it’s not actually a lie; she’s just not at the home they think she’s at. “She’s busy.”
“I swear she’s always working, that girl. You should have told her to take a break and have lunch with family.”
I could be childish and point out that we’re not her family, but that isn’t fair on anyone. Laura’s great, and I like that she’s always gotten along with my Mom and Dad. I’m the one who fucked up.
“I don’t tell Laura what to do.”
Mom sniffs, annoyed, and leans down to peer through the glass oven door.
“You know we’ve always done our own things,” I say carefully. It’s true—Laura and I have never been the type of couple who hangs off each other. “Some days it’s like we’re not even together.” I try for a joking tone that falls flat.
Mom waves the comment away. “Having lives outside each other is a good thing. Just look at me and your father. It’s the key to a healthy relationship.”
“Is it though? Aren’t you supposed to want to be around the person you’re planning to spend the rest of your life with?” I think of Tanner and Royce and how they’re always together. Those two seem more than happy to me.
“Want to be around them, yes. Attached at the hip, not so much.”
With how much time Cam and I have been spending together, I have to disagree.
“What …” I clear my throat and try again, wanting my voice to come out at an audible volume. “What if I’m not happy?”
Dad jolts up from where he was loading the dishwasher. “Not happy?”
Mom waves his concern away. “It’s normal, Rafe. After almost ten years, things can start to feel a little monotonous, but that’s why relationships are work.”
“It’s not that—”
“There’s no reason why the two of you can’t get through it. All relationships have their little hiccups.”
I stew over her words, wanting to throw back that I wouldn’t call eight years a hiccup. I want her to know I have tried, but somewhere along the way, it got too much that I gave up.
Yes, relationships are hard, but at what point do you face that things aren’t working and never will?
Mom pulls a baked chicken from the oven, followed by a tray of vegetables. I eye the food they have lined up on the counter. “How many people are you expecting?”
“Only two more.”
“Who—”
“The party’s arrived.”
My back stiffens at the familiar voice. Cam steps around me to set a dish on the counter. His unexpected appearance has scattered nerves through my gut, and I try to keep my expression neutral.
“Cam,” Mom says. “We weren’t expecting you.”
“Dad had a meeting, so I told Mom I’d come with her instead.”
My lips twitch. “Been a while.”
“Too long, buddy. Come help me set the table.” He slings an arm around my shoulders and steers me from the room. “Is it okay I’m here?” he whispers.
“Very.” I want to hug him closer. “You could have given me the heads-up first.”
“Check your phone, dumbass.”
I slide it from my pocket as he lets me go and find a message from him saying he’ll see me at lunch.
“Well. Okay.”
“Come on.” He gestures to the dining room. “Like the good little boys we are.”
I check to make sure neither of our parents have followed us. “There was nothing good or little about last night.”
“Careful, Rafe.” He points a fork at me that he’s just pulled out of the cabinet. “You don’t want to be picturing my dick all through lunch.”
“You’re right. I’d rather you were picturing mine.”
Cam laughs. “My lil ace of hearts trying to get me all turned on, is he?”
“Is it working?”
“Sorry, sweetheart, I’m not a teenager anymore. I have some self-control.”
“Which is why you had to run home last night.”
“I said some. Apparently my limit is very hot make-out sessions with my childhood crush.”
“Hmm … good to know. I wonder what other limits you have.”
“Stick around and you’ll find out.”
Lori’s voice gets closer as she carries a bowl of potatoes in, and Cam and I quickly shut up.
We finish setting the table, and once the food is brought through and everyone sits down, Dad says grace.
He’s at the head of the table, Mom and Lori on either side of him, which has Cam and me sitting directly across from each other.
It feels like I’m a teenager again. As our parents close their eyes, we can’t stop sneaking looks at each other. I’m fighting a losing battle against my smile as Cam exaggerates closing his eyes and nodding along with Dad’s words.
I’m having more fun at a family lunch than I’ve had in years, and it hasn’t even started yet.
Until grace is over, and the usual questioning starts.
“Campbell, how is Dr. Grivick?”
I zone out as he answers, content to watch the way his mouth moves, the casual flicks of his hands, how his blond hair curls around his ears. He’s not wearing his ball cap, and I’m not used to the sight of him without it.
The conversation moves from work, to the town council, to how Laura is going with her art. The whole time, there’s like this barrier between me and Cam, and our parents. Like nothing can touch this happy bubble starting to grow inside me.
“So, Lori,” Dad says. “The town hall is starting to come along.”
“I forgot about that.” Cam’s and my stupid competition meant that Dad lost the bet with Lori over having the road restored. Though to be fair, he probably would have anyway. They had raised shitloads more money than us.
“Admit it,” Lori says. “The town hall was the better choice. That main room is going to look incredible. I already have a Thanksgiving charity night in mind for next month to raise money for the high school. You could come up with something to start raising money for the road.”
“That’s not a bad idea,” Dad agrees. “Provided the other members sign off on it.”
“They will.”
“But what could I do to raise money …”
Mom and Lori start making suggestions as Cam’s foot nudges mine under the table. I’ve been trying so hard not to focus on him any more than usual, but it’s starting to feel unnatural. His foot nudges me again, slowly rising to stroke my ankle.
Sparks shoot over my skin. It feels so intimate, and I lift my other foot to do the same to him. Over his ankle, his calf … Cam’s hand curls into a fist on the table.
Then, feeling evil and a little bit giddy, I sink down a little in my chair and run my foot up his thigh.
Cam’s muscles twitch beneath my toes, spurring me on.
I’m equal parts nervous over being caught and excited over the thought I could be turning Cam on, surrounded by people who would never expect it.
The ball of my foot makes contact with his groin, and hell yes, he’s hard. I bite my lip to stop from laughing as I press my foot harder against him, and Cam scoots forward, closer to the table.
It’s funny that I have no desire to do anything with his dick, but I like knowing he wants me to. What a mind fuck.
I’m about to pull back when Cam subtly reaches down and grabs my foot. He presses me harder against him, holding me there while the conversation goes on, every now and then giving this tiny roll of his hips.
“What about a charity auction?” Cam suggests, pulling us both into the conversation. His voice sounds reasonably normal, but his hold on my foot tightens. “Everyone loves them, and auctions always make people go a little overboard.”
“There’s an idea.” Dad claps his hands together in that excited way of his. “But an auction for what?”
“Get people to donate things. Goods, their time …”
It’s actually a great idea. “Yeah, Tanner could volunteer an afternoon of helping with odd jobs. Rowan could maybe do something with his new gym …” Now I have to make sure those friendships are intact enough for me to ask for favors. Yikes.
I apply pressure with my foot, quickly looking around to make sure no one has noticed.
Cam lets out a low, weird noise. “Lots of eligible bachelors in town,” he hurries to say. “I’d bid on a date or two.”
The idea of Cam going on a date with someone doesn’t sit well with me. I press harder, in warning this time, and he squeezes back.
“Well, are you offering?” Mom asks.
Cam and I say “what” at the same time.
“To be auctioned for a date,” Mom says. “Handsome, steady job—”
“Gay,” he reminds her. “Not many available queer guys in town.”
Mom bats a hand. “You wouldn’t be dating your life partner here. Anyone can bid for a nice night out. Dinner, drinks, good company. That’s all a date is.”
And yet, the whole thought makes me growly. Mom says anyone, but there’s no way she means it because I can only imagine her face if I bid for a night with him. Cam exchanges a panicked look with me, but neither of us has a reason why he shouldn’t do it.
“If it’s an innocent dinner, Rafe could get in on it too.”
I’m about to go for the balls over him throwing me under the bus like that, when Mom bats away his suggestion like it’s nothing.
“Everyone in town knows he and Laura are a done deal, so they wouldn’t even bother bidding.”
Cam goes tense at the same time as I do.
His hold loosens, and I pull my foot away, Mom’s words reminding me what a coward I really am. There’s literally nothing stopping me from correcting her, so why can’t I say it?
I clear my throat. Then clear it again. “Actually—”
“You’ll do it though, won’t you, Cam?” Lori asks.
Cam shrugs. “Sure, I might as well. Sounds like it could be a fun night.”
Fun? Dressing up and pretending to be with Laura while I watch Cam be auctioned off to go on a date that should be mine?
Yeah, I can’t do it.
I can’t.
I’m about to try again to say it, when Lori nudges her son. “Maybe your secret man will be there?”
“Secret man?” Mom immediately asks. Whenever there’s gossip, she’s like a basset hound for it.
“It’s nothing—” Cam tries to say, but Lori cuts him off.
“You should have seen him before we got here. All smiles and energy, constantly checking his phone.”
“Mom, stop—” Cam’s eyes are wide, a light flush building on his cheeks as he meets my eyes. He gives a subtle shake of his head, looking like he’s trying not to laugh.
“Normally after a night out with the boys he’s a moody little shit, but my Campbell’s acting smitten.”
“Ten-dollar word,” we say in unison. Then smirk at each other across the table.
Cam shakes his head. “I’m not smitten. There’s no secret man.” He makes a shooing motion. “You guys were brainstorming the auction. And … go!”
Lori gives my mom a smug look, like he’s just confirmed everything she’s said, and I have to agree with her. Cam is so not subtle.
Apparently though, neither am I, if my foot finding its way to his lap is anything to go by.
“Hey, Lori, tell me about your new bathroom,” I say before she can start again. Her face lights up as she dives for her phone.
“I have photos. Let me show you …”
And as I lean forward, pretending to be engrossed in the images and her design choices, I meet Cam’s gaze. The look he’s giving me is soft, almost serious for him, but there’s still that mischievous spark in his eyes that never seems to die.
“You’re welcome,” I mouth.
He rewards me with a smile.