Chapter 18
Cam
Sitting through lunch, then dessert, then stupid small talk afterward, like we haven’t talked for hours already, is practically torture.
If ever I need an exercise in patience, I’m sure getting it now.
Rafe’s dark eyes are always watching me, and after going for so long wanting his attention, getting it now is making me needy.
My dick hasn’t deflated after that stunt he pulled.
I want to make an excuse to drag him out of the room, because I didn’t think anyone would appreciate me dry humping him on the table.
I’m so impatient that when I drop Mom home two blocks away, I don’t get out to say goodbye. I flick her a wave through my passenger window and head straight home.
Rafe’s car is already in his driveway, and when I jump the fence between our yards, his front door opens, showing he’s been waiting for me. I walk inside, kick the door closed, and then I’m on him.
I cup his face as our mouths collide, and I swear it’s instant relief. His arms loop around my shoulders, and when I back him up into the wall, he lifts a leg and hooks it around my waist, drawing me flush against his body.
“Someone had fun at lunch today.”
His quick burst of a laugh reminds me of the Rafe he used to be. So far removed from the lifeless shell he’s been all year. “Apparently I like to tease.”
“You’re a fucking master of it.”
His face falls. “Should I not have done that?”
“Are you kidding? It was hot as hell.”
“Yeah, but—”
I cut him off with a kiss. “Nope. Let me put it this way, you have full permission to touch me wherever and whenever you want.”
“Even if it doesn’t lead to anything?”
“Let’s think of it as enjoying every moment. Your foot on my cock? A very enjoyable moment.”
His hands slide down my chest. “I think I’m in my head again.”
“How about this. For the next … week?” Rafe tilts his head, and I take that for agreement. “All we’re going to do is kiss. That’s it. Even if you want more, no dice. And in that time, we both need to think about what we want here. Okay?”
“Yeah.” His teeth scrape my jaw. “Okay.”
That’s more than enough for me. I nip his bottom lip before sealing my mouth to his again. His tongue meets mine, strong and confident, even as his body turns pliant against me. I run my hands down his back, going slow, testing his limits, and pausing right before I reach his ass.
“Do it,” Rafe murmurs.
So I do. As soon as his ass fills my palms, I squeeze the firm cheeks, pulling him against me.
He hums into my mouth, slowing the kiss, twisting his fingers through my hair. “Shit … two kisses and I think I’m already addicted.”
“You wouldn’t be the first to think my kisses are magic.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Really. They’re Oscar-worthy.”
“Overdramatic and fake?”
I nip his jaw. “They launch ships, start wars, decimate countries—”
“Break spells?”
“Don’t be stupid. Though they are orgasm-inducing, so that’s sort of the same thing.”
“Well, I’m glad you have a realistic view on things.”
“Always. I’d hate to set you up for disappointment.”
Rafe’s body shakes with a laugh he’s holding in. “And I’m okay too, right?”
I screw up my face. “You could use work. But luckily being a generous guy is one of my many other amazing qualities, so I’m willing to work with you on it for as long as it takes.”
“Better be careful. They’ll be building a shrine for you soon.”
“It’s a hardship I’m willing to take on.
” I tighten my grip on Rafe’s ass and lift him.
He’s heavy, but as soon as his feet leave the ground, he wraps his legs around my waist to take some of his weight.
I’ve let myself go slightly since high school.
My muscles are still there, but my body is softer overall. Rafe is still cut from fucking glass.
All those days I drooled over him mowing his lawn shirtless are flashing through my mind and reminding me of who I’m holding in my arms. And if that image is enough to make me drool, I can’t imagine how I’ll keep my cool if he ever lets me see him naked.
Rafe and I end up on the couch again, sucking face like two overeager teenagers. I last longer this time before going home to jerk off alone.
It’s the same all week.
Neither of us bother to make up reasons to spend time together. As soon as I’m home from work and showered, either I head to his place for whatever takeout he’s picked up, or he comes to mine, and I cook us both dinner.
We hang out and talk, watch movies wrapped up together, and always end up kissing like there’s nothing else we’d rather be doing. Hot kisses and soft, sweet kisses. I know what he means about being addicted.
Then Friday night, after a long week at work, and a few beers with dinner, Rafe starts to drift off on my couch.
“Come on,” I say, tugging him to his feet.
“Sorry.” His yawn stretches the word out. “I’ll go.”
My fingers link around his. “Don’t.”
“What?”
“Stay here.” I pull him toward the stairs. “Borrow a pair of my sweats, and let me hold you tonight.”
His gorgeous face lights up. “I’d love that.”
He has no idea how much I will too. Having Rafe in my arms, waking up next to him, is a dream of mine since I first worked out what I was feeling for him.
We both change, and Rafe crawls into bed next to me. I can tell he’s hesitant, and I get it, but I also want this chance to show him I’m serious about not pushing him. I can get through spending a night with him and not needing sex.
I pull his warm body back against my chest and let my eyes fall closed as I press a kiss to the side of his neck. His breath hitches, head turning toward me.
“Cam …”
“Yeah?”
“Do you ever regret it? Growing apart?”
That’s a hard question because it doesn’t have a straightforward answer. “Not totally.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I regretted it at first. It was weird not having you. But then I worked out the reason why it was weird, and it got awkward. I wasn’t sure how to hang out with you because I was paranoid you’d be able to tell how I felt.
I thought maybe if I ignored it, it’d go away, but it didn’t.
It fucking sucked. Then when you got together with Laura, I had to put distance between us. ”
“Why?”
“Because it hurt, Rafe.” My voice breaks a little, giving away more than I wanted to.
He turns in my arms and lifts a thumb to stroke down my cheek. “I never knew.”
“Good.”
“I wonder if I did, if things would have been different.”
I force a small smile. “That’s a ridiculous thing to wonder. You can’t change it. And look at where we’ve ended up.”
“Exactly where we were meant to.”
“You think?”
He nods, face darkening with embarrassment.
“Well, aren’t you a little sweet talker?”
His soft breath hits my neck, and then he meets my eyes, determination flashing through his. “I don’t want to wait a full week.”
“What do you mean?”
He pushes up and rolls me back until he’s covering my chest. “I don’t need until Sunday to know what I want. It’s this. I’ve wasted eightish years confused by what the hell I’m doing and thinking, but I’m not confused with you. I don’t want to waste more time when things finally feel right.”
His words are everything I’ve ever wanted to hear, except for one thing. “You want … like, for real? A relationship?”
“Yes. If you want to. And I know you said you’ve felt this way for a while, but I also know that being with someone like me—”
“Gorgeous? Incredible? Sweet? Driven?”
“Ace.” He fixes me with a cut the crap look. “Let’s not pretend like that’ll be easy.”
“You’re right. I love sex. It feels great for me, yeah, but it’s also my way of showing my feelings for someone. That said … you’re more important. I’d give up all the sex in the world to be able to call you mine.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh. I’m all frisky for feelings now.”
His grin takes over his face.
Before he can get too excited though, I continue. “But I won’t be the other guy, Rafe …”
I watch the slow realization dawn, and I feel like a dick, but while I’ll compromise on literally anything, I won’t on that.
“If you’re mine, I want you to be mine. I won’t share you.
I’m never going to pressure you to come out, but you have to balls up and tell people you’ve broken up with Laura.
Hearing people talk about the two of you has always hurt, but hearing your parents planning this perfect future for you both isn’t fair. ”
“I know.”
“I don’t want to be a dick—”
His laugh is hollow. “No, I think I hold that title. Shit … okay. Yes. I’ll tell them.”
“If you’re not comfortable—”
Rafe shakes his head. “I’ve been comfortable for too long.”
He catches me off guard when he rolls completely on top of me, weight pushing me into the mattress. We’re chest to chest, gut to gut, his hard cock pressing heavy against mine. I reach down to cup his ass as he tangles our legs together.
“I’ve gotta say, my self-control is good, but you’re testing me right now.”
“Am I?” His teasing tone sends want tingling through me. Then he rolls his hips into mine. “What about now?”
“Fuck, Rafe … What are you—”
“Shh …” He brings his mouth down softly over mine, each kiss tentative and measured. His eyes are closed, and he takes his time, kissing and nipping, before he sucks my bottom lip into his mouth. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of kissing you.”
I run my hands up his sides, holding him close. “You don’t have to. I’m here as long as you want me.”
“Shit …” His voice is heavy with emotion. This time when he kisses me, there’s no holding back. I arch up to meet him, tongues colliding as he seals our mouths so tightly together, we share breath.
Rafe rocks into me again, and again, the hard ridges of his cock are obvious through the sweatpants, and it feels so good I want to beg him to take away the barrier between us. His fingers twist through my hair, the other hand finding its way to my ass, encouraging me to meet his thrusts.
Not that I need it. He feels so good against me, I’m high. I’m getting closer and closer to the edge, but even with the delicious friction, I need that bit more.
Rafe gives it to me.
I have no idea what’s happening because I’d just resigned myself to living without sex, so when Rafe shoves my sweats down and releases my cock, I whimper into his mouth.
“You don’t have to …”
He chuckles. “Are you saying this doesn’t feel good?”
Then his sweats are gone, and he presses his cock flush with mine.
My head drops back, and I have to remind myself that exploding within two seconds of touching him would be a shitty end to this.
With no clue where Rafe’s head is at, or if this will even happen again, I need to last. To enjoy every second.
And maybe that’s why even kissing him feels so intense. I’m in the moment, consumed by him and not worried about what comes next, because there are no guarantees between us. Just my heart telling me I’m here for whatever he needs from me.
His fingers brush the head of my cock, smearing the precum down my shaft. He’s leaking too, so much that when he wraps his hand around us both, it’s enough to have me sliding smoothly against him.
Knowing I can make him feel good from kissing is amazing; feeling the way I make him feel good, having the evidence pressed against me, is next-level.
He has complete control, something that isn’t easy for me to give up. Our kisses get hotter, sloppier, uncontrolled, and I swallow every one of Rafe’s pants, his moans, the way his breath hitches when he gets close and backs off again.
He breaks away from me as he starts to thrust harder, and I stop holding back. I grab his ass and fuck up into his fist, chasing the orgasm that’s building in my balls. He’s giving me this, and I’m going to be completely unapologetic about taking.
Rafe’s eyes are closed, lips parted, cheeks dark with a flush that goes all the way down to his chest, and glancing down to where he’s fisting our cocks, seeing him using me to make himself feel good … it’s all too much.
Need builds at the base of my spine, and I slam my eyes closed, burning the memory of how he looked into my brain as my body takes over. So beautiful, perfect, mine.
My balls draw up, and I can’t prolong it anymore. Relief crashes into me as spurt after spurt of cum shoots out, covering my stomach. Rafe strokes me through it, and it takes me a moment for the high to start to ebb, for my body to sink bonelessly back into the bed.
He pushes up, sending a chill through me as the cool air brushes over the sweat on my skin.
Rafe kneels between my legs, stroking himself with one hand, while the other runs up and down my thigh.
When he comes, head thrown back, choking on a sound that’s half pleasure, half relief, he’s never looked more beautiful.
I pull him down against me, holding him close, giving zero fucks about the mess smeared between us, and press kisses to his hair. I have no idea what sex is like for Rafe, but I know he needs the closeness, the intimacy, so I do my best to give it to him.
“Umm,” I say when he’s caught his breath. “That was unexpected.”
He laughs a little. “Stick around. I’m full of surprises.”
“Clearly.” I hesitate, unsure whether to bring it up with him or not. Obviously he enjoyed it and was comfortable doing it since he’s the one who initiated it, but what I don’t know is why. Because he wanted it … or he thought I did.
“I can hear you thinking,” he murmurs into my neck.
“I need a brain for that, and you just blew mine right out.”
Soft lips press against my throat. “It’s okay. Really.”
That’s all I need to relax. We can talk details later. I want to do right by him, but I can’t treat him like porcelain.
I have to trust Rafe knows what he wants.