Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
T he private section of Alfie’s underground car park was nearly pitch black and as silent as a graveyard.
If this were a horror movie, I’d be hearing eerie noises right about now.
As it was, all I heard was the blood rushing in my ears.
We sat in our own personal shell shock, processing all the hard truths Priya had spoken, all the promises we had just agreed to.
“Why do you have your therapy sessions in a place that reminds you so much of your father?” It wasn’t lost on me how easy it was to bring up Alfie’s father now. Two and a half years ago that subject had a massive ‘No Entry’ sign stuck right in front of it.
Alfie shrugged, clearly lost in his own thoughts. “Confronting my demons, I suppose.”
“Was that your idea or hers?”
He paused, brows knitted as he thought it over. “I’m honestly not sure. Maybe I thought of it, or maybe she planted it in my head. She’s very good at what she does.”
Yes, she was. In the space of an hour she’d turned our entire dynamic on its head. I turned my attention back out of the window, staring at nothing.
“Are you going to stick to the plan?” I asked into the darkness.
“Yes. I don’t like it but I trust her.” Some petty part of me bristled at the idea of Alfie trusting another woman, letting her in in a way he hadn’t with me.
It was irrational but everything about my feelings towards Alfie were irrational.
“Besides, I’m less worried about my plan and more worried about you following through with yours. ”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Lola, I’m not stupid.” He gazed out of the window, not meeting my eyes. “After everything I’ve done, why would you go out of your way to call me, to spend time with me? If I’m not driving this train, it’ll fall right off the tracks, and you know it.”
I didn’t know how to argue with that, I couldn’t deny there was some truth in his words. “I thought you said you trusted Priya.”
“I do.”
“Then maybe you should trust that she made this my goal for a reason.”
He huffed, shoulders tense as he continued scowling out of the window. “I don’t like it.”
“Of course you don’t. You’re a control freak and now I’m the one holding the reins.”
He snorted, looking over at me for the first time. “Just try not to steer us off a cliff, okay?”
“You mean like you did?” I raised my brows at him and he gave me a sad smile in return.
“Right. Like I did.”
His fists clenched in his lap. He was wound tight as a coiled spring, I knew how hard this new dynamic was going to be for him, for both of us.
Taking a deep breath, I let my fingers drift over to his.
I threaded my hand into his, forcing it to relax.
That small contact sent sparks shooting through my arm, making it hard to think.
I fought the urge to snatch my hand away from that dangerous need.
“Why does this have to be so difficult?” I squeezed my eyes shut wishing that for once, things could feel easy between us. I felt Alfie shift in his seat, facing me, his thumb traced over the back of my hand. “At least we know this part of us works.”
“All of our parts work, Lo. We work. Just some of our parts are broken, but we’ll fix them.” He sounded so sure of it, I wished I could be too. Fixing my broken parts scared the hell out of me, letting Alfie back in scared me more.
I squeezed his hand, holding onto it like a lifeline.
“Lo, talk to me. You look like you’re going to burst.” Gently, he took my chin, turning me to face him.
I didn’t want to look at him. To gaze into those perfect eyes that would draw every hidden truth out of me.
When I did finally look up, the searching, x-ray gaze wasn’t there, instead he looked gentle, patient.
“It frightens me how much you’ve changed.
A part of me wishes you hadn’t, that I could still justify staying away from you but I can’t.
Why can’t I stay away from you?” My voice shook.
This last hour had made everything real, too real.
My walls were weakening and the thought of the damage he could do if I let him in again had me fighting the urge to get out of the car and run as far from him as I could.
I forced myself to stay in my seat, to ride this wave with him.
“It hurts all the time, Alfie. To be so close, to want you so badly but to be so scared of you at the same time. I don’t know how to make it stop, how to keep you out. You split me right down the middle and I hate you for it, I?—”
“Hush.” He reached up and cupped my face. I stared at him, the weight of that one word hitting me hard, stunning me into silence. “Just let it hurt, Lo.”
My heart swelled in my chest as he held me steady, anchoring me despite my chaos. I'd whispered those words to him once, when he'd been weathering a storm of my creation. Now, he was doing the same for me. Giving me a safe place to feel the pain he'd caused.
I gritted my teeth for a second before my lip trembled and a tear broke free, his thumb stroking it away. I was so fucking tired of being strong. I squeezed his hand, wanting to hold him and hurt him, like he was hurting me.
“What do you need me to do, baby?”
“I don’t know.”
“What did I say about those words?” he whispered and I let out a laugh, remembering how he’d banished them. What did I need? The answer was easy but it could cost me so much. I stared down at our joined hands, sighing. I nuzzled into his palm, letting myself be soothed by his touch.
“I just need you.”
“So take me. I’m yours, Lo.”
I flicked my gaze up to his, finding those steel greys intent on my face. “If I start, I won’t be able to stop. If I start, it promises you something that I can’t guarantee I can deliver.”
“If you can’t stop then I’ll do it for you. If you can’t give me promises then I won’t ask for them. Just take what you need from me.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“You’re my whole fucking world. Do you think I give a shit about fair?” He shifted, gripping the nape of my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. “What do you need?”
I looked at him, lost in his scent, those eyes I’d fallen into a thousand times before and just like that, I let myself fall again. I let my gaze drop to his mouth, my own watering at the memory of the things those lips could do.
Heat pooled in his eyes as he read my mind, he knew what I wanted. Tension hummed between us, filling the car with it.
I held my breath, my entire body freezing as his lips lowered to mine, a moment I’d dreamed of every night since we’d parted.
Alfie…
His lips found mine in the gentlest of kisses and something, some raging, broken beast inside me, settled. I was home.
His thumb swept over my cheek, brushing another tear away as he continued his sweet caress.
I could feel the tremble in his body, it echoed in my own.
My blood hummed with need, a need only he could sate.
I pulled back, breathless. Our heated gazes met, the tension turning from sweetness, to something darker.
The tension pulled tighter, tighter, taut, until finally… it snapped.
We moved in unison, attacking each other with unbridled force. All restraint gone, his lips crushed mine, his body looming over me, pressing me up against my door, sealing me in. I grabbed his lapels, holding him close. His tongue stroked mine, forcing more out of me.
My body lit up in delight at finally being fed, finally being freed.
But fear crept in my stomach, along my skin, it was too much and I couldn’t fucking breathe. As if he felt it, Alfie pulled back.
“Don’t run.” His words were a plea but my fear was overwhelming me.
My hand was already on the door handle. I spilled out of the car backwards in a graceless heap.
The cold night air was harsh on my heated skin.
I stood, taking deep lungfuls of oxygen, but I couldn’t purge him out of me.
His door slammed as he got out, meeting me at the front of the car. He said nothing, just let me breathe.
Alfie…
My body moved of its own accord. I threw myself into his arms and he caught me, moulding us together once more.
He turned us, laying me out on the bonnet of his car, the metal cold and unforgiving in a way I’d once thought Alfie had been.
But this man wasn’t cold, he was a fire burning right through to my core, my aching core that was swollen in need for him.
I wrapped my legs around him, drawing him in. He growled, a deep, animalistic sound as his hands roamed, squeezing at my thighs, my waist. He held my throat, pulled my hair. He fed on me like a starving man attacking a banquet.
We moved in perfect synchronicity, our bodies working together, reacquainting themselves. I tightened my thighs, pulling him closer. His hardened length pressed up against my aching mound and we groaned together. I was ecstatic. I was lost. I was falling. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t?—
“Breathe, baby.”
“Alfie…” I gasped, my mind swimming.
“Shhhh.” He pressed his forehead to mine, breathing with me as we came back down to earth.
I shifted under him, my core swollen and aching.
He pulled back, looking down at me. “Are you with me?” He panted.
I nodded, breathless. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.
But I think you need this.” Slowly, he moved, taking both of my hands in one of his and pinning them over my head.
His other hand reached between us, sliding over my core, cupping me.
“This needy pussy has haunted me for two fucking years.”
I gulped, his words a torture. Very gently, his touch so light I could barely feel it, he began to run the tip of his finger over me, massaging me through the thin cotton of my underwear. I gasped. Oh fuck…