Chapter 38 #3
“No, but she was the first serious one.”
Nala wasn’t sure how that worked, but left well enough alone. “I was serious, you know. What I said now. I really do love you.”
The last thing Nala expected was a word.
Indeed, Varen turned over, pulling Nala into her arms and breathing softly against the top of her head.
Kisses dotted her face. Nala took Varen’s hand and kissed it, letting it drape across her face as the scent of sweat and the aches of her body overcame her.
“It’s okay,” she muttered against Varen’s chest. “You don’t have to say it.”
Her hold on Nala was firm, then firmer. Nala couldn’t breathe for a small second, but it was the longest second in the world.
When Varen’s fingers played with her hair…
no, she didn’t need to hear the words. She loves me.
There was no doubt in her mind or heart, but like Varen was not the most articulate woman in the universe, neither was she likely to confess such a thing anytime soon.
Not with her wounds from Desirée’s death still so large in her heart.
The fact she came this far in her healing journey said enough already.
Nala submerged herself in their world a little longer, surfacing only when she dared to say what she had to convey.
“I’ve been hiding a couple of things from you,” she said. “I didn’t mean to… I couldn’t face them myself, and you were upset with other things as well. So… give me a second.”
She pulled herself out of bed, taking her backpack into the bathroom where she washed up and went through what pitiful evidence she had.
Showing Varen the picture was the least of her concerns.
Her biggest issue was the note left by Robin’s would-be assassin.
Mostly the line about Desirée screaming toward her death.
Nala pulled a marker from her backpack and scratched that out. If this were ever entered into some sort of evidence someday, the rest would be enough to implicate Hawk.
When she reemerged in the bedroom, Varen was sitting up cross-legged, hands resting on either knee as she watched Nala rejoin her on the bed. The first thing she handed Varen was the note, freshly purged of the most damning thing.
“This has to be Hawk,” Varen agreed. “I can’t believe it’s anyone else. The signature is everything… and she’s being cheeky like she knows you well.”
“The only thing I’m unsure about is who she’s referring to in The Aviary. The person working directly for Ravenwood.”
“Do you think it’s Maggie? Or Jay?”
Nala considered the patterns on the comforter.
“No. I don’t get the feeling that Maggie wants anything to do with Ravenwood.”
She thought of the way that woman’s brows furrowed whenever she spoke of The Aviary.
She was doing her best to bite back disdain.
“I don’t know who it is. I mean, it’s not Robin or Lucian, for sure. Hawk wouldn’t implicate Lucian the same day she takes out Robin. That leaves two other couples.”
Seba and Quail. Josephine and Starling. Both were mostly enigmas to Nala.
She thought they were couples trying to get by, but now…
“I wish you hadn’t kept this from me,” Varen said softly. “I wish you had given it to me the moment you found it.”
Do you know what you would have read? She must have, for she didn’t ask about the crossed-out line.
There was sadness in her voice, though, as if she were forced to think of other unpleasant things.
Is she thinking about when she found out Desirée was dead?
Was she more upset that night than when Nala found out about Tasha’s death?
At least she didn’t scream. All Nala knew about induced heart attacks was that they came in the form of poison.
Tasha probably ingested something before leaving work, or maybe her water bottle was spiked…
and then she fell asleep, never to awaken again.
Poison completely undetected during autopsy.
It makes me sick. At least she hadn’t suffered…
Desirée, on the other hand…
“There’s something else,” Nala finally said, clearing her throat.
She picked up the manila envelope and pulled the photo out, holding it to her chest so she wouldn’t have to see her petrified sister in the arms of Xan Ravenwood.
A sympathetic tear appeared in the corner of her eye, and she brushed it away before thrusting the photo toward Varen.
She stared at it for a long time, turning the photo over to see the handwriting on the back.
“You remember those photos I took a picture of in his office? This was missing. It was labeled someone named Crow and everything.” Nala covered her face with her hands. “I had no idea… I’ve tried so hard not to think about it.”
“You said it was missing in there… how did you get it?”
Nala bit her lip. “Maggie gave it to me at the hospital.”
“Wait…” Varen put a hand on Nala. “When we were at the hospital last week, Maggie gave you this picture from Ravenwood’s office?”
“Yeah. She said… well, I can’t remember what she said, but I didn’t get the impression that it was a threat. She warned me about getting further involved, but not in a scary way. I think she was really looking out for me.”
Varen looked at the picture again. “Nala… this implicates something very disturbing.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Nala didn’t want to think about it.
She didn’t want to think about her dear sister in The Aviary, let alone as Ravenwood’s girlfriend.
Because it wasn’t bad enough those facts existed.
On top of everything else, there was this picture of Tasha looking so scared, so hesitant that Nala’s mind kept going back to things she didn’t want to acknowledge.
Even now, Nala could not look at the picture.
Every time she did, another piece of herself swelled up and died.
“I don’t know what to make of it. I have no other information. Tasha never talked about something like… this.”
Nala had replayed every phone conversation with her sister during the months leading up to her death.
Yes, Tasha was becoming more paranoid toward the end…
but did that have to do with her work, or with the unfortunate world she found herself in?
Tasha did work directly under Ravenwood.
He would have had plenty of access to her.
Nala looked at Varen. Desirée worked directly beneath him too…
It was one thing to see her sister that way. It was quite another to see one’s fiancée that way. The woman Varen talked about would have never done that.
“This is a lot to process.” Varen put the photo down with a shake of her head.
“I will…” she looked away. “When we get back to Portland, I am going to ask around. I don’t know who I will ask. Normally, it would be Lucian, since he’s been in The Aviary since the beginning, so he would know about any partners Xan had… but now would be a really bad time.”
Nala sighed. “I know. I know how dangerous things are right now, but at the same time… Varen, I don’t care! This is going crazy. This man has got to be stopped. There must be some way we can take him down, even if it’s finding the evidence to take to the cops!”
“Fuck the cops. He’s got them all paid off, I’m sure of it.”
Varen snorted. “We would have to go way higher up. This is FBI levels of insanity. Pretty sure he’s been killing people all over the country. Washington and Oregon, at least.”
Varen rubbed her chin while looking at a painting on the wall.
“There might be something I can do. I’ll have to take more time off work to do it… and it will be really difficult… but if I can pull it off…”
“What is it?”
She smirked. “Geek shit.”
“Of course it is.” Nala hurried to put the damning evidence away and bury herself back in Varen’s arms. “I totally would start dating and fall in love with a geek.”
“A very rich geek.”
“I bet you got made fun of in school and everything.”
“Not really. Computers were cool. My braces, though…”
“Oh, my fuck. You in braces.”
“I also weighed about thirty more pounds. Had glasses. Wore baggy clothes…”
“You still wear baggy clothes.”
“Ah, Nala…” Varen pulled her down onto the bed. “I’m glad that we at least have each other through all of this.”
“We’ll still be together when it’s over, right?” Nala had to believe that the fight against Xan would be over someday. Hopefully soon, before either of them was hurt. Or dead. “I’ve read about people who get together because of high-adrenaline situations. It almost never works out.”
“We will still be together.” Varen squeezed her, enough to tell her that this was serious. “I promise. Do me a favor, though. Don’t leave me. Not like that.”
Nala didn’t have to ask what she meant. Don’t leave her like Desirée did.
Nala knew that by being with her, Varen would always be in some state of grief.
She didn’t want that to change. Yes, she wanted her to move on, but not to forget.
They were both forever changed by the people they lost…
but they were also forever changed by being together.
Or at least that’s what Nala believed. She curled up in Varen’s arms for the rest of the day, trying not to think about what awaited them back in Portland.
She only wanted to think about Varen, their relationship, and what could build from it.
Nala was young. Her previous relationship wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t bad, either.
She thought that was normal. Varen, however…
she was wonderful most days. The other days?
Nala could take those as well.There was no use obsessing over things she could not currently control. Like Xan. Like her job.
Nevertheless, she held herself closer to Varen and hoped beyond hope that they could protect each other from what was to come.
Entry 18
Is it possible to have a good day in the midst of hell? Because I had a good day today, and don’t want to let it go.
But I have to. When we get back to Portland, I must work harder than I have ever worked before. My plan is crazy. It’s the only hope we have. I better be as good as I think I am.