23. Chloe
23
CHLOE
Ian stops at the cemetery when I ask him to, without questioning me or wondering what in the hell I’m doing.
I haven’t been back since Kevin’s funeral, and even the thought of stepping into the parking lot makes my heart start to beat against the inside of my chest.
Ian turns to face me, shutting the engine off. “Do you want me to go with you?”
Unable to help myself, I nod. But I can’t work my tongue, so I can’t swallow down the doubt or feelings that clog my throat and make it harder to breathe.
“I got you.” Ian gets out and walks around to my side of the car, opens my door, then holds out his hand, patiently waiting for me to work up the courage to take it. “You can do this.”
When my trembling fingers take his, Ian helps me out, closing the door while I keep my eyes locked on the ground.
Every breath I take standing in the parking lot comes a little easier than the breath I took before. Until finally, I can take a deep breath and exhale without it feeling like my heart is breaking into pieces in my chest.
I grab Ian’s hand in mine and start walking through the cemetery to Kevin’s burial site. We only make it a dozen steps before I stop in my tracks, breathing heavily and trying to keep it together.
“You don’t have to be strong right now, Chloe.” Ian waves around us. “No one’s here. And even if they were, we’re standing in a cemetery. You’re not supposed to be strong in a cemetery.”
Instead of the floodgates opening at his words, they offer me a comfort I didn’t expect and the strength I’ve been struggling to hold on to since I asked him to stop.
“Let’s go.” The words come out raw and barely audible, but Ian hears me.
Together, we walk along the path until I see the familiar headstone. Just like all the others around it, but this one belongs to Kevin.
“I’ll be with you the whole time.” Ian squeezes my fingers, and I let my hand slip from his.
Ignoring the wet grass, I slide to my knees and lean forward, bringing my forehead to rest against the cool stone.
“Hey, big brother.” My voice breaks.
My hands are on my thighs, unable to do anything but just lie there while I mourn.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him through the tears that start to fall. “I stopped looking up at the sky. I stopped watching for you. I broke my promise.”
Bullshit .
I practically hear his voice echoing in my ears and it makes me smile. If Ian could see my face, he’d think I was in the middle of a mental breakdown, crying and smiling like a lunatic. Thankfully, my hair has fallen forward to shield my face.
“I’m going to marry Ian.” I lower my voice. “And if we ever have a boy, I’m going to name him after you. I promise to teach him all the crazy things you taught me. And I’ll make Ian teach him how to do the stuff I don’t know how to or the things you guys kept a secret from me.” I sigh, managing to lift my hands and trace the carved name etched into the stone. “I miss you. And I haven’t stopped thinking about all the things you’d do if you were here. But I just… I needed to come tell you that.”
I don’t have anything else to say. I didn’t actually mean to say anything at all, but the words kept coming out and I couldn’t stop them. By the time I finish, I don’t actually want to leave. For the first time since we’ve come back from Sebago, I feel like I’m on the right track.
“Thank you, Ian.” I stand up and brush grass from my legs. “I don’t know how you keep putting me back together again.”
Ian laughs lightly, taking my hand in his. “Chloe, I have the skills to break you down, but I can’t put you back together again. That’s all you. That’s the strength you have, in every single bone in your body. You’re stronger than you think.”
He slays me, without even trying.
“Let’s go eat,” I say while looking over my shoulder at Kevin’s grave. “I love you, big brother.”
Walking out of the cemetery takes a lot less time than walking into it had, and by the time we’re back at the car, my stomach has started to growl.
“I’d say you’re hungry.” Ian chuckles when he turns on the engine and pulls out of the parking lot. “Good thing we got plenty of steak.”
The short drive to our house goes by with me looking out the window and Ian humming along to the song playing on the radio.
“Thank you for going with me.” I wait until we are getting the groceries out of the trunk before saying anything to Ian.
Technically speaking, he is getting the groceries, because he won’t actually let me carry any of the bags.
“Let’s get these inside and then head out back,” he suggests idly. “I want to use the grill and we could both use a little bonfire tonight.”
I hold open the door for him and smile, watching the way the muscles in his arms flex while he carries everything.
“That sounds great.” I move to the stairs. “I’m gonna put on some leggings and one of your shirts.”
Ian laughs from the kitchen. “Okay, I’ll meet you out back.”
Once I’ve changed and pulled my hair back into a messy bun, I slide my feet into a pair of slippers and head downstairs. Stopping at the fridge to grab a lemonade for myself and a beer for Ian, I walk outside and promptly drop both of them.
“What the what?”
There are people everywhere. Ian’s family. The same assholes who were just at our house the night before. Even Audrey is standing there with a smile on her face.
And Ian? Ian is watching me with a strange expression on his face.
“Hey, Ian?” I swallow. “Why is everyone here?”
He doesn’t answer right away, and I’m left thinking about how lucky I am that I left my bra on.
“Chloe.” Ian clears his throat, bringing my eyes right back to him. “When I asked you to marry me, I did it on a hike. I thought that was perfect. Just the two of us, in the middle of nowhere—in case you said no and I had to hide my tears.” He drops to a knee, and I stand there watching him like he is crazy. “But this time, I wanted to ask you with our friends and the family we have left. Will you marry me? Will you spend the rest of your life driving me crazy and putting your cold-ass feet against my legs in the middle of the night?”
My eyes are the size of saucers. My throat is dry, and my hands are trembling at my sides while I try to figure out exactly what is happening.
“What do you mean?” I finally get out. “I already told you yes.”
“Say it again!” Bria yells out. “He wants another one.”
Ian smiles impishly at me from his knee, and I nod. “Yes.” I cough indelicately, clearing out the ash that sits in the back of my throat. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Promise?” Ian stands up, and he slides my ring back on my finger.
“Yes.” Rolling my eyes, I’m still smiling when he presses his lips to mine.
A chorus of cheers and shouts go up around us, with catcalls and whistles from our friends.
“So,” I whisper against his lips. “Did you know when you planned this that now you’re stuck with them and we can’t have sex until they all leave?”
Ian’s brow furrows, and he bites his lip thoughtfully. “I could kick them all out.” He lowers his voice. “But I think we should barbecue with them. After all, it’s been a trying afternoon.”
My mind wanders back to the visit at Kevin’s grave. “You know, I just told him that I was going to marry you. I’m glad you gave me back the ring.”
“Just as long as you never give it back to me , I think we’ll be fine.”
Ian sets me back down on my feet, and I stumble slightly because I didn’t even realize he picked me up.
“Now all you have to do is cash in your winning lottery ticket.”
I stare at him, completely lost for a second, until my mouth falls open. “ Ian .” His name leaves my lips on an exclamation. “I forgot about that until you just said it. We definitely do. I want to do something nice and I meant what I said about sharing it with everyone who went to Sebago.”
“I know you did.” Ian kisses my cheek. “Let’s eat something, okay?”
Amid congratulations from everyone, for the second time, we get to celebrate.
Nox and Bee skid to a halt right in front of me when I step away from Ian, and I have the strangest feeling that they were waiting for me.
“When you and Ian get married, Bee and I want to help with the wedding,” Nox says confidently. “I want to carry the rings, and Bee said that she wants to be your flower girl. I told her I’d ask.”
I stare between the two of them for a second. “Why?”
“Because we have to practice,” Bee says shyly. “I don’t like wearing dresses, and Nox said that I should practice so that I can hide guns and snacks in my dress, like Emma does.”
I laugh, thinking about the photos I’ve seen from Parker and Remy’s wedding, where Emma snuck in entire flasks of alcohol.
“Okay,” I say with a smile. “You two have a deal.”
They high-five and run off with smiles on their faces. Once I have a bite to eat, I move to the fire that someone has started in the pit and take one of the empty seats, enjoying the quiet.
The fire dances, painting an enthralling and warm picture. Idly, I listen to the conversations of the people around me, but my eyes move from the fire to the ring on my hand. My entire life changed in a matter of weeks. From devastation and heartbreak, to forced isolation, until finding a semblance of happiness. Things are finally starting to make sense again.
“Someone, everyone, come quick.” Poppy’s yell has all of us stopping what we are doing and heading toward the house. “Ian.” She grabs Ian’s arm as he gets to her. “You need to get Chloe. Now. The living room.”
Confused, I walk straight for him and take his hand, going into the living room with him, where the news is blasting loudly on the TV.
“We must caution our viewers that this video has not been censored nor edited in any way. It was delivered to every major news outlet only minutes ago, with the threat of decapitation of the detained soldier if we did not play the video immediately. Our producers agreed. Please remove any young viewers from the audience.”
The screen goes blank for a fraction of a second, and I find myself grabbing tightly to Ian’s hand, sinking down to the couch to watch as someone’s family is torn apart just like mine was.
In a dingy shadow, three men stand in front of a flag I don’t recognize, with one person sitting in front of them. His head is covered, and his arms are dirty and wrapped in rags that have a mix of dirt and the unmistakable red hues of blood on them. My pulse increases to a painful speed, and I can’t take my eyes away from the screen, even while Ian and the other men are muttering and whispering back and forth between them.
Eyes locked on the screen, I look for any sign that what we are watching is a bad joke. Something meant to distract and disarm the watcher. But I can’t see any clues. I can’t hear anything, either. They stand there, staring directly at the camera, waiting for something.
I keep listening, waiting for the men holding guns to say anything, but they don’t. All I can hear is the sound of metal scraping against metal, like the nightmares I can’t escape from.
Finally, one of them moves forward, ripping the filthy potato sack from the man’s head, and my heart drops to my feet.
“No,” I whisper.
My eyes never leave the screen, but they fill with tears until my cheeks are dripping. But I can’t blink. I can’t look away.
His hair is longer, dirtier than I remember.
His eyes are bruised, and his lip is bloody from whatever hit him there.
“No,” I repeat.
When he looks up and his eyes lock on the screen, I die a little more inside.
Ian’s phone starts ringing, and then one after another, more and more phones around the room start to go off.
“It can’t be.” My lungs are on fire. The tears streaming down my cheeks make it almost impossible to see, so I wipe them away.
I have to be hallucinating.
I have to be wrong.
It can’t be him.
He can’t be broken… and alive.
He can’t be there, staring directly into my eyes from across the world.
And then he opens his mouth and says the only thing that can destroy me.
“Watch the sky.”
The same man who ripped off the covering slams the butt of the gun into the side of his head, and my anguished cry is lost in the chaos erupting on the screen as he’s knocked out and dragged away by the men holding him captive.
“He’s alive.”
“It’s him.” Ian’s garbled voice is the only thing I hear around the pounding of my heart. “It’s Kevin.”